Looking for advice -- What made you want to get sober?
 

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for advice and/or insights on what made you want to seek help and get sober.

My boyfriend has been an alcoholic for about two years, or possibly longer, and I'm at a loss at how I can help him make the change he so desperately needs.

We have been together for 7 years and if I'm honest we have both been heavy drinkers for as long as I can remember. A lot of our activities together centered on drinking, and we'd usually drink at least a few beers every night, and then a lot more on the weekends.

About two years ago he lost his business and sunk into a depression. His drinking gradually increased and I began finding bottles of vodka, brandy, etc hidden away in odd places like his sock drawer, suitcases we never use, etc.

At first I didn't worry about it too much as his behavior hadn't changed and there weren't any noticeably bad effects.

However, gradually that all changed and he has since had so many bad experiences due to his drinking, from accidents and fights to trouble with the law.

I have stopped drinking completely in the hopes that it would help him stop too, but so far it has just annoyed him that we can't go out drinking together. Our relationship has deteriorated so much and part of me wants to leave but another part is scared that he will end up killing himself if I do.

Anyway, sorry this has gotten so long, my question is simply what made you want to stop? Was there a specific event or was it a gradual thing? Was there something you friends or family did that helped you finally get help?

I have tried talking to him about so many times it but he is very resistant to it and it usually just causes a fight. The only times we have been able to discuss it openly have been the "morning after" a bad situation has happened due to his drinking and he is feeling remorse. When this happens he always promises he will stop, but can't go more than a day or two without drinking again.

Everyone tells me I have to wait for him to reach bottom, but that is such a cliche, and I feel it can't continue this way for much longer before something truly terrible happens.

The gradually increasing misery.

The realisation that I couldn't live this life anymore.

Ally
X

Realising that I needed it more than it needed me.

Alcoholism is something that is progressive, and it sounds like his is getting pretty out of control. Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do to stop it, and as you've found out trying to get in the way of an alcoholic and their booze, will lead to nothing but backlash.
In the end all you can do is to take care of yourself and look out for your own best interests. Waiting around and hoping he will "get it" sooner than later will likely have you waiting for years, possibly decades, and even then many never find sobriety.

This is my 3rd go at long term sobriety and the reasons for getting sober changed as my alcoholism progressed. The first time I quit I was 29 and I stopped to get the bad stuff to stop happening (relationships, job). The second time I quit I did some things I thought I would never do and it scared me (health, legal issues). The last time I quit I had reached a point where I found that I could no longer live with alcohol or without it and was contemplating suicide. My reasons for getting sober got more dire as my alcoholism got progressively worse.

I'm sorry for what brings you here.

If there were magic words someone could say to make someone else stop drinking , we'd all use them....unfortunately for most of us, that decision to quit could only come from within....

I know you'll find a lot of support, understanding and help here tho, TheHopeful :)

D

I just became sick and tired of being sick and tired - drinking became more wearisome and painful than not.

At times an intervention with loved ones may lead to a rehab and potentially fuel seeking sobriety. This may plant a seed that grows in the future if nothing else.

Experience shows one that one has to be willing - have a desire to quit. However, willingness to be willing may occasionally be thrust on another.

Regardless, consider seeking help for yourself.

I could do anything I wanted with my life.

Or I could drink.

Once I understood the terms of the decision, the choice was obvious.

" what made you want to seek help and get sober. '
wasn't people pleading with me or telling me I had a drinking problem over the years or pointing out the negative impact it had on my life and those around me.

the pain of getting drunk finally exceeded the pain of reality.
it was a decision I had to make on my own.

Once I realized that drinking had gone from something that at one time made me feel good to something I did to not feel bad, I knew I had crossed that invisible line. Unfortunately, it took me decades to finally see the obvious.

Good luck to all involved. Take care of yourself Hopeful.

I was going to add a reply to this thread, but Nonsensical already wrote and posted it for me. (thanks!)

Welcome TheHopeful - lots of great responses here. I would add that for me it was also a decision that I finally had to make myself. There is nothing anyone could have said or done that would have "made" me quit until I realized what I was really doing to myself and those around me. He's lucky to have someone so supportive sticking with him throughout all of this, but I think you do need to take some steps to protect yourself too - and prepare for the possibility that he many never stop.

Couldn't have said it better. That exactly why.

Sitting in jail and seeing woman getting pulled for prison at 3am. And of course the gift of desperation

I just got tired of fighting against it.

I guess I'm just grasping at straws, hoping there is some small thing I can do to make things better. Sometimes I still can't believe this is our life now. These are the sort of things that happen to "other people."

Thanks so much for all your responses and insights. It's definitely been helpful reading through this and other threads on this site.

Unfortunately the worst place to be when a drunk is in a relationship where one is sober. Because when you need the better half the most they end up leaving you.

What made me quit? Tired of looking and feeling like crud. Living in a constant state of dehydration just kills the skin.

Another big reason was money. And another because of the stupid things I did.

That speaks volumes and it's so well said.
I think every alcoholic who finally started getting sober have ran into this conclusion.

I was becoming an embarrassing, pathetic drunk.