Need support can't get this
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Need support can't get this
Why do I find keeping sober so hard. I go to meetings all my social circle are mostly in recovery but yet I can't seem to grasp step one. I find sobriety for a decent lengths of time the hardest thing to achieve. I just don't know how to stop this illness. bottom line I detest myself for being a drunk. Pity pot Ye but feel sooo fed up ov this had enough iv tried n tried n tried still can't change
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 67
Just as sure as you don't step out in front of a moving car, jump off a cliff or drown yourself your brain tells you not to do that and you listen. Its the same reaction you need to take when thinking about drinking. Pull back! No! You don't touch a hot stove because you know you'll get burned right?
There is no special magic poof of smoke that needs to happen nor a revelation or special dream. It's simply you not drinking and excepting the pain, misery, and discomfort that comes with it for however long it last.
And in time the 'go to escape' of alcohol becomes fainter and fainter in your memory until it becomes so silent you don't hear it throughout the day. And when you do hear it and entertain it as you resist each temptation the next time that same happens you will have more strength because you will have survived that last desire.
I love to get drunk but I hate the way it makes me feel afterwards and i hate some of the things I say and do drunk. The pain from drinking is multiple times worse than the pain from getting readjusted to sobriety.
Remember you weren't always a drunk. You just need to go back to your prior self but this time you will be more educated.
There is no special magic poof of smoke that needs to happen nor a revelation or special dream. It's simply you not drinking and excepting the pain, misery, and discomfort that comes with it for however long it last.
And in time the 'go to escape' of alcohol becomes fainter and fainter in your memory until it becomes so silent you don't hear it throughout the day. And when you do hear it and entertain it as you resist each temptation the next time that same happens you will have more strength because you will have survived that last desire.
I love to get drunk but I hate the way it makes me feel afterwards and i hate some of the things I say and do drunk. The pain from drinking is multiple times worse than the pain from getting readjusted to sobriety.
Remember you weren't always a drunk. You just need to go back to your prior self but this time you will be more educated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Hedd 
I can't seem to grasp step one.
Just continue to go and listen with an open mind. One thing that was said by an old timer in one of the groups I attended was to "fake it until you make it." He himself said that he had gone to about 100 meetings before he became truly ready to begin working the program in earnest. Up until then he would use the encouraging words, and the newfound fact that he was not alone with his thoughts, cravings, and misgivings about sobriety, to actually stay sober. Thus far, I have found this to be very helpful as well.
You can muscle through it, and when you wake up in the morning be sure to take a personal note of how grateful you are that you didn't drink the night before. The next time you want to drink, think of that feeling. Don't let this s**t push you around.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,657
I tried to stop drinking- for years with great sincerity. By doing the same things/actions each time. It was inly when I changed what I did (no choice, admittedly) that it gelled. What can you do to stop the circle of relapse occurring? Something new. SMART, sponsor, counsellor, doctor, a new past time ( for me- art, huge),
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
You seemed to have quite a good grasp of step one to me. It is important beacuse it identifies the problem. Until you do that you can't fix anything.
The direction as two parts to it. "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic, ..." This would mean recognising that we have this particular illness, that it is progressive and fatal unless arrested, that there is no possibility that we will ever be able to drink safely, and without help, it is too much for us. Do you have doubts about any of this. Look at your experience and decide.
The second part, "The delusion that we are like other people, or presently maybe, has to be smashed" Any faint or distant dreams about being able to drink like other people some day have to go. Harbouring these thoughts will undermine any effort at recovery. As soon as you hit a difficult spot, it will seem there is no real need to battle through, as you are only here temporarily anyway.
If you have grasped the reality of you situation, and your experience will be the best guide to that, then it will be much clearer about going to any lengths to find a solution. Step two will ask you to think about the solution, having identified the exact nature of the problem in step one.
Good luck with this.
The direction as two parts to it. "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic, ..." This would mean recognising that we have this particular illness, that it is progressive and fatal unless arrested, that there is no possibility that we will ever be able to drink safely, and without help, it is too much for us. Do you have doubts about any of this. Look at your experience and decide.
The second part, "The delusion that we are like other people, or presently maybe, has to be smashed" Any faint or distant dreams about being able to drink like other people some day have to go. Harbouring these thoughts will undermine any effort at recovery. As soon as you hit a difficult spot, it will seem there is no real need to battle through, as you are only here temporarily anyway.
If you have grasped the reality of you situation, and your experience will be the best guide to that, then it will be much clearer about going to any lengths to find a solution. Step two will ask you to think about the solution, having identified the exact nature of the problem in step one.
Good luck with this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
step 1- admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
it is smashed my continueing with the rest of the steps.
for me the start was as simple as surrendering- admitting and accepting alcohol kicked my ass.
then became willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
it is smashed my continueing with the rest of the steps.
for me the start was as simple as surrendering- admitting and accepting alcohol kicked my ass.
then became willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
If you're going to keep with AA, I would suggest finding a sponsor, committing to service at at least one group (making tea/coffee or 'greeting'), reading the big book and asking your sponsor about it.
If you're going to try something else I would suggest throwing yourself wholeheartedly into that whatever it may be.
Bottom line for many alcoholics what's needed is genuine and significant change...what many try to get by on is reading, attending various 'recovery groups' and hoping the magic will rub off.
Sorry to hear you're struggling. ..if you really want things to change it's possible. For some people it requires more work though I think...significant and fundamental life changes and learning to trust the folks around us who have been there before.
P
If you're going to try something else I would suggest throwing yourself wholeheartedly into that whatever it may be.
Bottom line for many alcoholics what's needed is genuine and significant change...what many try to get by on is reading, attending various 'recovery groups' and hoping the magic will rub off.
Sorry to hear you're struggling. ..if you really want things to change it's possible. For some people it requires more work though I think...significant and fundamental life changes and learning to trust the folks around us who have been there before.
P
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
The first step for many is the hardest. We will do everything we can to fight with alcohol to try and make it work. Attempting moderation, cutting down, half *ssed attempts at staying sober, literally everything, until we finally come to the realization that the battle is lost, and alcohol wins every time.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It just occurred to me that you might be of the mindset that getting step one will keep you sober. If that were true, we wouldn't need all the other steps.
My step one began with my first drink, and continued over the years as I kept making the same mistake in the same way, expecting different results. Then I realised I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life, yet kept drinking. Knowing that, did not keep me sober.
The AA program says we found permanent sobriety through a thing called a spiritual experience, described in the step nine promises. It seems to happen half way through step nine. We can all manage varying lengths of dry time on our own power, but staying stopped requires working all the steps.
My experience was I had Step one and step two the day I called AA for help. I had identified the problem and chosen the spiritual path of recovery as my only faint hope. I threw myself into AA, sponsor, steps, meetings and somehow, while I was doing that, it didn't occur to me to drink. A few weeks in and my ,I've began to change. And I haven't needed to drink since. To me it was almost as if sobriety was a byproduct of trying to live the AA way of life. Drinking became redundant as I had a whole new set of ideals and concepts about life.
My step one began with my first drink, and continued over the years as I kept making the same mistake in the same way, expecting different results. Then I realised I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life, yet kept drinking. Knowing that, did not keep me sober.
The AA program says we found permanent sobriety through a thing called a spiritual experience, described in the step nine promises. It seems to happen half way through step nine. We can all manage varying lengths of dry time on our own power, but staying stopped requires working all the steps.
My experience was I had Step one and step two the day I called AA for help. I had identified the problem and chosen the spiritual path of recovery as my only faint hope. I threw myself into AA, sponsor, steps, meetings and somehow, while I was doing that, it didn't occur to me to drink. A few weeks in and my ,I've began to change. And I haven't needed to drink since. To me it was almost as if sobriety was a byproduct of trying to live the AA way of life. Drinking became redundant as I had a whole new set of ideals and concepts about life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Very well said clean30.
Hedd just stop fighting it. Give up. Concede. Alcoholism won. You're done. Now go on with life without alcohol. It's bigger, Bader and stronger than you. It's called acceptance. We all have gone through this. It's the most crucial part of recovery.
Hedd just stop fighting it. Give up. Concede. Alcoholism won. You're done. Now go on with life without alcohol. It's bigger, Bader and stronger than you. It's called acceptance. We all have gone through this. It's the most crucial part of recovery.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by Hedd
I go to meetings all my social circle are mostly in recovery but yet I can't seem to grasp step one...
I just don't know what it takes for me accept step one!!!!!
After three years of attending AA and trying to 'accept' Step 1, a six month inpatient 12-Step rehab, and five different sponsors, I would encourage you to consider the possibility that 12-Step may simply be a bad fit for you.
Perhaps it is time to consider something different? There is a secular connections forum here on SR for alternatives to 12-Step recovery, if you are interested.
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