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How long have you been trying? Why do you still post?

Old 04-01-2017, 07:51 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SlickRick07 View Post
I'm sick of it. I just don't know what else to do.
I was sick of it too. And I was definitely scared. The solution for me was to admit that my drinking was the problem. And that quitting for good was the only way forward if I ever wanted a chance to fix my other problems.

I also had to accept that sobriety doesn't necessarily equal happiness in itself, but it's your only chance to get there. Continuing to drink guarantees more pain and suffering 100%
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Old 04-01-2017, 10:31 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SlickRick07 View Post
Who is the battle with? Myself. I'm battling internally. Everyday. I post here like I'm interested in getting better. I'm not. I just want to be happy.
You seem very self-aware and honest about yourself which can only stand you in good stead as you try to deal with your problem. Perhaps, as has been said, you just need to make the decision to quit completely.
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Old 04-02-2017, 01:21 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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This little passage from the book Alcoholics Anonymous was quite accurate in my experience


"Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that
. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."
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Old 04-02-2017, 03:37 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I was scared for 40 years Rick....then I faced my fears...very little scares me now.

I have to add - the fear of getting sober was WAY worse than the reality.

As for happiness - that took a little longer than 3 months and it took a lot more than just not drinking.

I expected just not drinking would leave me happy too. Nuh uh.

I'd never been happy as an adult...there was some serious shizz to wade through before I came out the other side to happy...

but again, I could have only done that sober.

I'm not a swami or a mystic and I'm not selling smoke.

If you're like me you drank for years...if you can commit to just one year of recovery and growth I think you'll be well on your way to seeing what true happiness is like.

D
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Old 04-02-2017, 04:16 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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It took me 7 years from the time I recognized there was a problem to now - at almost 2 years sober.

I post because I need advice and guidance and support...as well as connection. Also, I am forever grateful for the folks who came before me and lent me support, a friendly ear, and some love when I was so down and out I didn't feel like I was worthy of anything. So I post to help the newcomer, or the struggling alkie. We're all in this together.
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Old 04-02-2017, 04:21 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SlickRick07 View Post
I've spent my life thinking I was never good enough for anything. No matter what I did it was never good enough. For anyone. My parents didn't care unless it involved me being better than someone else. The only thing that made them happy was being better than the next kid. I'm better now. But to who? Who is the battle with? Myself. I'm battling internally. Everyday. I post here like I'm interested in getting better. I'm not. I just want to be happy. If sobriety led me to happiness I'd be there. I'm not there.
if drinking made you happy, you wouldn't be here.
have you done anything other than just stop drinking?
have you looked at causes and conditions for the low self esteem? maybe work at changing that?
i can remember,even before the very 1st drink i ever took, not feeling good about myself. i never measured up. i also didn't think what i did was good enough. always felt i could do better. playing baseball, i could go 4/4 yet they weren't home runs, so 4/4 wasn't good enough. felt that way in all sports and education,too. even through my worklife.
no one kicked my ass harder than me.

it took me a lot of work AFTER i got sober to change that.
today i shoot for perfection and accept progress. i accept i will make mistakes. what has that led to?
a pretty happy life where ive done quite a bit so far.i love myself and am ok with who i am. made mistakes along the way, but im good with that. after all, im just a human being.
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Old 04-02-2017, 04:23 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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" It never made sense to me."
my drinkin never made sense to me either whike i was drinkin.

im sober now and it makes sense.
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Old 04-02-2017, 05:27 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Re the comments about having a reason: mine was absolutely simple by the end, quit or die. That was finally reason enough. While I am grateful I got to that point, not everyone has to - but if we keep drinking, that's ultimately the way we go.
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Old 04-02-2017, 06:24 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I agree with August. My reason to stop....keep drinking and die before your time.
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Old 04-02-2017, 06:41 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I drank to get a pleasant buzz and relax after work, pretty much every night for over 20 years. Eventually the progressive nature of alcoholism caused my drinking to become a bigger problem with each passing year.

Now, although measure my sobriety in years. I come back here often to remind myself of what it was like, because I've got a damn short memory when it comes to the negative consequences of my drinking.

I also like to help the people struggling with alcoholism. It makes my day to post something, and then find out that what I said really helped somebody else. The 12th step of AA encourages AA members to help others in their recovery.
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Old 04-04-2017, 05:54 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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When I started drinking in the morning I knew that I was going to have to quit. Twenty five years later I did! I took a month off here and there but I never planned on quitting forever until I did, almost six years ago. It was easier, in many ways, to quit forever than just for a month. The first year or so was hardest but it really did get easier every day, especially after the first ninety days. I come back to help other people if I can and to remember why I'll never drink again.
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Old 04-04-2017, 09:54 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SlickRick07 View Post
Anyone ever get scared? I do. I get scared when I know no one's counting on me and its the weekend. I get real scared, b/c I know me. I know me, and I know I'll clean the house full of booze. I buy small amounts b/c I know I'll drink it all by 7pm then I walk to 711 and buy more. I'm so sick of it. I don't know how to be better. I buy a fifth and then I'll kill it and walk to 711 to coast off on beer. I'm sick of it. I just don't know what else to do.
I certainly know the fear! OMG, this past year has been the worst... Hangovers changed from headaches and upset stomach to feeling hopeless, extreme paranoia, panic attacks, like I was losing my mind! Scary Stuff!!!

Life is too short!
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