How many times did I or (we) keep our mouths shut today ?
 

I heard something interesting in an AA meeting a few years back which has been a blessing, especially for the ones around me.

"Sometimes the best way in which to show Love, is to say nothing at all."

How many times have I opened my big mouth when it would have been best to just keep what I was saying to myself ?

Let's just say many, many, many.

Just a while ago when my wife came outside I was going to say something but, she really didn't need to hear it.

I held back -- thank goodness!

Give me 1 time for today.

I'm sure that all is much better for her -- and myself.

Care to count ?

M-Bob

OK - how many times have I wanted to share my ill feelings or thoughts with someone else? Is there good reason to share? Have they harmed me in a great way and they need to be informed? Or, is most of the resentment cluttering up my mind for no good reason? Best to take care of my side of the street.

How many times did I or (we) keep our mouths shut today ?
Covers many things.

I'll explain yesterday's situation
I took in three cats to be fixed to the Feral Cat Organization. One was a little female and when I picked up the cats I was told that, "the female was pregnant with three little kitties." I didn't know this when I took her in and it saddened me greatly that these little ones had been destroyed in the process. For some reason I thought that I needed to share this information with my wife. The question to myself would be why? Only to sadden my wife as I was saddened? After some thought regarding the matter I kept my mouth shut. Thank God.

Another example.
A while back my neighbor and I got into an argument over a tree that he has growing close to our property line. My concerns are that the roots will get into our septic system. The tree is listed as an Invasive Tree which grows very fast and is known to take areas over. Well, my neighbor and I are back on very good terms but, the Tree is still there. Doesn't bother me like it did before. Worse comes to worse I might have a large repair project in the future. There's that word -- worrying about the future -- which only messes up today. Why have a total battle with my neighbor when I can just let it go and keep my mouth shut? Possibly deal with it if and when the time comes?

It's a pretty open topic when one gives it some thought.

I'm on a few forums.
Someone there pushing what I think to be too hard my way?
I don't need to fight -- I don't need to play.
Life is too short -- have a good day.

Has you significant other rubbed you in the wrong direction lately or today?
Is it truly best to let them know -- possible argument?
Or let it go -- let God handle it?
Are there not already enough battles in the world?

Reminds me of something that my wife shared with me many years ago that has been of great help with my serenity level. I think that she could feel the fighting within my mind and heart regarding so many issues that I was trying to control.

She told me to, "Pick Your Battles."

Since then I have found that -- most are not worth fighting for.

M-Bob

Love this thread, Bob. Not feeling super this morning so will note to reply further later.

One comment is that I try to do this a LOT at work- I work in a restaurant and lots of the other server/bar staff is young....19,20....at 40 there are lots of things I COULD say to conversations I here - but way better not to99% of the time!

A quote I try to remember is to ask myself "is it truthful, is it necessary and is it kind?" before I say something.....

Thanks as always for your great thoughts.

Booze sure didn't help -- today we can do so much better.
 

Good to hear from you August.
Interesting for I worked in several restaurants in my early career. These days while out to eat I wittiness many things that (I think) would have been so unacceptable when I was in the food business. My thoughts are at times that I want to let them know -- then I just let it go.

Maybe the main reason is that.
I know that I will be returning soon for another visit.
Don't burn your bridges.
Works for the customer and as you know -- also for the employee.

I'm retired and as I often think back to my working days, I still remember many times in which I confronted coworkers and my supervisors with off the wall remarks. Booze sure didn't help.

M-Bob

Oh boy. This one is and has always been a problem for me. I suspect it's a problem for everyone since the day they invented dirty looks and words.

Ha, I didn't talk to any one face to face yesterday so I'm clean! I do however go back and edit a lot of posts here and on another forum, because I have to remove one last line at the end that is nearly always unnecessary, and is usually just my ego or frustration. I've been spending time reading Bible verses about this - that helps.

I'm sorry you had that happen with the cat...I used to work at a shelter and that's what they do there, too. There are too many cats, but that doesn't make it any easier. :hug: Bless you for trying to help prevent any more feral cats.

I'll come back and tell on myself.

This is something I have been learning about and getting practical experience with my husband :lmao

When I don't check myself and let my (unhelpful) thoughts fly out of my mouth, not only is it hurtful to my husband, it is hurtful to me. I go away from it with nothing gained and feeling bad for both of us.

The aftermath of keeping my mouth shut is a freeing experience of relief and moving, growing, living in a better way.

:tyou

and, bless you, mbob, for your work with the feral cats :grouphug:

Oh, no! I talked to ONE person on the phone yesterday, to pay a bill - and I took aggressive control of the conversation from the very start.

In the past this office has tried to "upsell" me on its products and just this past month I got an unsolicited hand-written bid to upgrade my service contract. I don't want to do that and I've said that multiple times, but I didn't have to start my conversation with, "Hi, I'd like to pay my bill - DON'T try to upsell me!!" Poor guy. He didn't have a chance, and I could have waited.

Guilt is overrated though. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, I saved money AND he didn't waste his time. Win/win?

Feeling bad for both of us.
 

This reminds me of something that my Sponsor often says, "you remind me of me."

Good hearing from you.
Have a nice sober day.
M-Bob

How many times did I or (we) keep our mouths shut today ?

Sometimes the mind wants to control everything and everyone. Am I trying to manipulate others into carrying out the way in which I think the world should act? Is it truly for the best of all concerned or, mostly for my own self centered needs?

Maybe I should keep my mouth shut on this one for a while?
Take some time to consider the possible outcome?
If others are pushed too hard they may retaliate?
Maybe I'm wanting others to do something that I wouldn't want to do myself?

Reflect, reflect -- consider the out come for ALL involved.

MB

#2 below seems to fit well.




ma·nip·u·late
məˈnipyəˌlāt/
verb
verb: manipulate; 3rd person present: manipulates; past tense: manipulated; past participle: manipulated; gerund or present participle: manipulating
1.
handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner.
"he manipulated the dials of the set"
synonyms:
operate, work; More
turn, pull
"he manipulated some knobs and levers"
alter, edit, or move (text or data) on a computer.
examine or treat (a part of the body) by feeling or moving it with the hand.
"a system of healing based on manipulating the ligaments of the spine"
synonyms:
massage, rub, knead, feel, palpate
"she manipulated the muscles of his back"
2.
control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.
"the masses were deceived and manipulated by a tiny group"
synonyms:
control, influence, use/turn to one's advantage, exploit, maneuver, engineer, steer, direct, gerrymander; twist someone around one's little finger
"the government tried to manipulate the situation"

Been giving a big long running issue with a person some thought for a while now.
Had all of those (bright) ideas of acting out.
Yes, I could confront them.
Yes, I could send them a certified letter.
Ya, ya, ya.
If this does come to a head -- I want to be with cool mind with my actions taken.
Good thing that I have been keeping my mouth shut.
M-Bob

This one was making noises that were bothering me.
I have mentioned this more than once before but, here we are again.

Did I say anything.
No.
I thanked God that I have this person in my life to be making some noise.
For many years I had no one here on the mountain top.
Those were lonely years.

You don't know what you have until the well runs dry.

A nice sober day wished for all.
M-Bob

In sobriety, I learned to keep my mouth shut. A great life improver for me and those around me.

I kept my mouth shut several times today and removed myself from my active drinker husband.

Hey Bob, the topic at the meeting this morning was "secrets" very interesting shares!!

Keep those bird feeders full Bob!

A hard lesson to learn. If you love something- let it go. Mouth shut, listen- mindful and aware.

M-Bob, the older I get, the more I realize that, as long as my silence will not result in harm to somebody else, it has become far more important to me to be happy and at peace than to be 'right'.
In fact, I find I far prefer when somebody else discovers *on their own* that they were wrong, without me having to point it out to them.

In my opinion, getting satisfaction in pointing out others' shortcomings, potentially hurting and/or embarrassing them in the process, is prideful, vindictive, and arguably childish.

Hey MBob, good thoughts here.

Reflect, reflect, reflect...
I think I have less issue with keeping my mouth shut than I do with not opening it enough.
In my drinking days, on the worst days, yes I'd spit the truth out with all the venom in the world.
Now I think my silence is a passive aggressive manipulation.
Or it's just outright befuddlement.


Some times tho, I rush to fill up the spaces of silence, be it in my head or in a room, with all the words that tumble off my tongue. I may come off witty, or intelligent and often times goofy but mostly it's me running on high nervous energy and my talks come before my thoughts.
In meetings tho, I struggle to keep my shares short and quiet my mind.
I have a hard time listening, and following things I read.
My (higher power, intuition, instinct etc) is poking me inside my brain saying to shut up and LISTEN.
So I try but I get all nervy and blabhblhalaablaaah. Then I try and listen some more.

I do NOW, sometimes chew and chew over the things I would LOVE to bring up from the past, to "right some emotional wrongs" in my own head by ripping apart and down a bunch of people in my family.
Why? To what end?
Vindicate my own place emotionally in life where I was when I was a teenager? And how the comparisons hurt and nobody's perfect?
I have to keep reminding myself to take off the Pity Party Hat, pull out the Resentment feather from it, because staying in that party, all I'm going to do is hurt everyone I care about whether they are close to me or not, and myself.

I can't control it anyways. Only my own tongue, which has done it's fair share of damage. And my own actions, and my own reactions. So, serenity prayer, keep my nose in my own business, and live with love.
Sometimes I think of the saying, as does this thread make me,
"Be careful the toes you step on today, as they might be attached to the a.. you have to kiss tomorrow."
So true.

Maybe plenty- but one time I did NOT is something I wish I could erase! I got impatient and retort-y with a customer at work and definitely had to include her in today's inventory.

MMB thanks for sharing this quote. I've never heard it before. I've noticed one of the many blessings in my sobriety has been the ability to pause and think first before sharing the thoughts in my head or sharing what I want to say.

I'm also a lot more patient and forgiving around people who say things that just come to them instead of considering if these words are going to hurt someone.

I had both examples just happen this weekend with family. A family member sitting at a large family table, shared a couple of "embarrassing" stories about me from childhood. If I was still unrecovered, I would've let the hurt pride ruin the entire night because I'd be stewing in anger and drinking it down. I would have also gone on and on about it for the entire drive home with my husband, looking for reassurance of my justified anger. Instead, I just let it go.

I also noticed two times I said something to family members because I thought I was being helpful for another family member who looked lonely because people weren't sitting at that table. I realized immediately afterward that I was "playing God"--it was not my place or my job to fix things.

The self-awareness I've gained in sobriety has been amazing.

The new reactions toward and thinking about other people has been miraculous.

I see so clearly now how sobriety is a journey, not a destination.... more learning and growing to do.

Chop wood, carry water.