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Friend downplaying my sobriety

Old 03-23-2017, 06:21 AM
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Friend downplaying my sobriety

I have a group of friends who I feel very comfortable around when theyíre drinking. I have no problems sitting around drinking my club soda while they drink. However, I have some friends who don't know that I have stopped drinking and have offered me a beer/drink. But, after I politely decline and tell them why, then another friend of my chimes in and announces that being sober is the new drug. This has happened more than once. In my head Iím like WTF? Have any of you experienced this type of behavior? It feels like heís offended by my sobriety. Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-23-2017, 06:24 AM
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Maybe he has a drinking problem himself?
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Old 03-23-2017, 06:26 AM
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sounds like his problem just becareful to not make it yours.
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Old 03-23-2017, 06:44 AM
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Originally Posted by kevlarsjal View Post
Maybe he has a drinking problem himself?
I was thinking that maybe my sobriety offended him because he's aware he has a problem.
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Old 03-23-2017, 06:50 AM
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One of the most difficult things about getting sober is that we sometimes need to change the people we spend time with or the places we go. People who do not respect your wish to be sober are not true friends to be quite frank. You may need to stop hanging around with them. As to the question of "why" they act as they do or say what they say, you will most likely never know. But if they continue to try and get you to drink even after you tell them you don't want to, i'd strongly suggest finding other people to hang around with.
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Old 03-23-2017, 06:51 AM
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I dunno. Sometimes people say not-so-bright things because they feel awkward, feel that they have to say SOMETHING, and end up stating some banality or stupid comment.
I would try not to get het up about it. Just keep doing what you are doing.
You don't say how long you have been sober. I can tell you that I was super sensitive about drinking when I first gave it up. I felt like everyone was looking at the loser neon light above my head.
That passed in time. Peace.
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Old 03-23-2017, 07:02 AM
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I agree with Maudcat. People are just making conversation. Plus they'll say things they may have bit their tongue if they weren't drinking a few. I'm sure I'll be just as thin skinned if it ever happens to me. So far I have just avoided those situations for my own sobriety.
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Old 03-23-2017, 07:19 AM
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I agree, that person was drinking. If I could take back all the stupid/insulting/insensitive things I said while drinking. They are just making conversation.

I'm sensitive to what people say about my sobriety as well. I've realized that no one takes my sobriety as seriously as I do. I wish they did. I used to use that as an excuse to drink. I'd think "No on else cares if I'm sober, so why should I?" I have to watch myself. Good on you for posting.

I've had to distance myself from certain people and be around those that do respect my sobriety.
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Old 03-23-2017, 07:28 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
One of the most difficult things about getting sober is that we sometimes need to change the people we spend time with or the places we go. People who do not respect your wish to be sober are not true friends to be quite frank. You may need to stop hanging around with them. As to the question of "why" they act as they do or say what they say, you will most likely never know. But if they continue to try and get you to drink even after you tell them you don't want to, i'd strongly suggest finding other people to hang around with.
THIS.

As I often do, I agree with Scott. (I would also add to the "you may never know why" part that it doesn't matter!)

I often say that I am "ruthless about who has a seat at my table." NO ONE - no friend, no family member, absolutely no one- gets a place in my life, let alone heart and time, if they are not positive and supportive, both of my sobriety and of being their own best selves (alcoholics or not, as my worthy circle includes both). Am I being harsh? Nope- alcoholism KILLS - and my sobriety is the single most important thing in my life. Even beyond- truthfully- my beloved boyfriend who will become my husband.

I choose the positive, the peaceful and the least "difficult" as best I can. Relationships that go against that are compartmentalized into a surface level if they are necessary to maintain to any degree.

Just my $0.02.
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Old 03-23-2017, 07:34 AM
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What Scott and August wrote are perfect.

The "friend" that says "Being sober is the new drug"? Personally I wouldn't even give him a response. He is likely trying to avoid looking at his own drinking truth or feels intimidated by your sobriety. Say nothing with a smile and change the subject. Ignore it. If that doesn't work, go talk with someone else.

If he's offended by your sobriety, that's his problem and has nothing to do with you.

You owe him no explanation whatsoever. If he doesn't understand the disease of alcoholism, again that's on him and it's not your role to make him comfortable with your not drinking.

Take care of YOU.
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Old 03-23-2017, 08:27 AM
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I say if you're going to hang out with drinkers you better have thick skin yourself. You're going to have to chill out and roll with the jokes that will come your way about not drinking.

When I drank and you may have been the same way, I didn't want to hang out with sober people because they always looked at me like I am some nut case. When with another drunk we're eye to eye having fun.

At any rate have fun with them being the sober one you are or you may have to stop hanging out with drinkers - simple as that. There are plenty of sober people to hang out with and none of them are at bars.
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Old 03-23-2017, 08:27 AM
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It's not your friend's sobriety, it's your sobriety. You get sick when you drink; you don't owe anyone any explanation. It's called bodily autonomy.
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Old 03-23-2017, 09:37 AM
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Thank you for all your responses. You have solidified what I have already thought. It’s helps to hear it from others though. It’s nice to know that I’m on the right track. The comment though “sober is the new drug.” is a head scratcher for me. He has mentioned it on more than one occasion. The first time we were running. Nevertheless, I don’t plan on losing any sleep over it. It’s my sobriety and I love it. Every day, I’m feeling better and better. Thanks all.
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Old 03-23-2017, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by soberlvn View Post
Thank you for all your responses. You have solidified what I have already thought. Itís helps to hear it from others though. Itís nice to know that Iím on the right track. The comment though ďsober is the new drug.Ē is a head scratcher for me. He has mentioned it on more than one occasion. The first time we were running. Nevertheless, I donít plan on losing any sleep over it. Itís my sobriety and I love it. Every day, Iím feeling better and better. Thanks all.
While I don't watch them except on the rarest of occasions anymore, I have heard it on shows like E! News that "rehab is chic" and other asinine stuff....while I just laugh and shake my head, it is pretty stupid if our culture makes light or jabs at people getting help - or lauds it as cool or something, not to be taken seriously but as some weird celeb status.

Keep going on your sober trek, friend.
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Old 03-23-2017, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by soberlvn View Post
I was thinking that maybe my sobriety offended him because he's aware he has a problem.
A very likely scenario. Just worry about you and you'll be fine.
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Old 03-23-2017, 10:45 AM
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Being sober is the new drug? What does that even mean?

I'm not gonna go to a Brazilian steakhouse - you know those places where they have the big huge slab of meat they just hack chunks off of? - if I'm a vegetarian as a matter of principal and then wonder why the people I'm seated with want me to try a little of what they're having. It's because we're in a Brazilian steakhouse and that is the main attraction, that's the experience. Same thing with a BAR, where the main attraction is, well, THE BAR!
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Old 03-23-2017, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
While I don't watch them except on the rarest of occasions anymore, I have heard it on shows like E! News that "rehab is chic" and other asinine stuff....while I just laugh and shake my head, it is pretty stupid if our culture makes light or jabs at people getting help - or lauds it as cool or something, not to be taken seriously but as some weird celeb status.

Keep going on your sober trek, friend.
Thanks August.
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Old 03-23-2017, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth View Post
Being sober is the new drug? What does that even mean?

Same thing with a BAR, where the main attraction is, well, THE BAR!
I'm definitely not going to the Bar with these people. It's often a post running club run where I'm offered a beer. Which IMO negates the purpose of running?
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Old 03-23-2017, 11:00 AM
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Hash House Harriers? The drinking club with the running problem? lol

So the activity is running until it is drinking. You're still not participating and it makes people uncomfortable. People will always single out the one who is different.
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Old 03-23-2017, 11:00 AM
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[QUOTE=BrendaChenowyth;6379349]Being sober is the new drug? What does that even mean?

I believe he thinks I'm making a fashion statement. I've never heard of this. I just know that I have a problem and I need to fix it.
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