Here we go
 

So I'm new to this. I am relatively new to sobriety. I didn't drink till after college (I know a bit backwards). I drank to black out just as my father did. I became sober last year and had a full year under my belt. Then on my honeymoon I literally picked my new brides drink up (mistake or not it happened) took that sip and instead of spitting it out like I should have once I realized, I allowed it to reinvade my entire existence. That was 204 days ago. Since then I've had only around 40 days without a drink.

All I want to do is get a bottle tonight (again) and drink.

I don't know if this is the right utilization for this particular forum. Just sharing for help I guess.

Thanks for your time.

Wow. I did something like that at my first sober Xmas. I had taken one swallow before I realised. Spat out what I could and drank heaps of water, and escaped the phenomenon of craving which you experienced. It really scared me. I was and still am so serious about my sobriety I was going to any lengths to get well. I would have had about 10 months at that time.

I guess you now know you have the phenomenon of craving, something that ordinary drinkers do not get. The mission now is to find a totally reliable defence against the fatal first drink. You found out how feeble human defences can be. Yours crumbled in a second of carelessness, not the accident of taking a drink, but the insane decision to let it flow.

I found my defence through AA and it has never let me down.

Welcome Bootwalker, this is the right place for your post. The first few days/weeks/months can be really difficult. Hold strong and don't drink. Come up with a plan to stay sober that will help. Good luck and many prayers.

I don't think this is a phenomenon of the first few days or weeks of sobriety. My experience after many bouts of sobriety is that, at least in my case, that all it takes is one drink to kick the alcoholic in my head back to life.
Trouble is I, and think most alcoholics know this, and the struggle is always maintaining total abstinence, our brains it appears just aren't wired like normal people to drink in moderation.

Welcome to SR, Bootwalker! After having been here for many years, I would recommend you read through this forum and others. I lurked for a couple of years but was drawn to come back.

You are among many people who know exactly what you are going through. Many have a good amount of recovery. In my case, I didn't chose one method of recovery. I read and read, here, and found out "a little bit of this, a little bit of that" was what worked for me. I'm not saying that is what will work for you.

I hope you keep reading and posting. I found out it didn't matter what I abused, our stories were very similar.

You can do this, we are here to support you!