froghat

Do you tend to avoid social situations and that lead you to drinking by yourself? This is me lol I feel like I'm so unnatural when it comes to socializing that I stopped caring about meeting new people. Problem is, I lost interest in all my hobbies too. I wouldn't say drinking helped, but it gave me a 3 hours window where I didn't feel bored out of my mind!

Am I the only one?

Mattq2

Hey frog,
I was just like you. I have a few months sober time and in my case I'm learning the alcohol caused most of my social disfunction. I too had lost intrest in many of the things I used to love.

I'm learning slowly to engage in life in a positive way and I really like it. I think you will too

Dee74

No thats a pretty good description of where I ended up too - addiction loves to cut us off from the pack and isolate us .

The result is a life so devoid of anything that we need to drink to tolerate it...thats a win win for our addiction.

Learning to socialise again, now we're sober, can be difficult.

It's ok to start small - small gatherings - one on one or just a couple of people - coffee dates, picnics or whatever - and work your way up to more complex situations

D

IN2Q

I am all brand new here Frog. I described it as there is no 'want' left in me, My social groups all changed in the last several years and now it feels like just me, I have one friend that visits weekly and another that visits monthly I don't engage in social media anymore because it no longer makes me happy. I joined this site on Tuesday and it has opened up what feels like a whole new world.

While I have been working on my own problems I have the opportunity to see other people that are going through the same things I am, and somehow it makes me feel less alone.

A couple days in the DT's started and I remembered a quote I loved befor I started drinking, it is:

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. -Joseph Campbell

Forward12

I have pretty bad social anxiety and when I found alcohol it was like a miracle (or so I thought) to fix everything, until it wasn't. I then became pretty much a hobbit and drank by myself at home as one of the "perks" was that alcohol would make time fly and pretty much anything interesting.
That all comes apart though once alcohol pulls a fast one on you when it knows it's got you, then makes your life hell.

Wholesome

Yeah I'm having some social anxiety without drinking too. I was isolating with the drinking but I'm still isolating without it. I didn't really leave the house at all this weekend. Early days for me though so maybe it's not such a bad thing. I have a few ideas for where to start once I decide to venture back out again. I'd like to join a fitness class, I'd like to start meditating at a temple that also hosts Refuge Recovery meetings, and there's a knitting store in my neighborhood that has knitting circles that I'd like to hang around at. I just have to find the motivation to force myself out there! Easier said than done at the moment.

Caramel

zenchaser - you've given me some ideas about things I could investigate in my own town as I come out of my shell a little.
and best wishes, all.

SmilingFaces

I have found that it is ok be alone sometimes during recovery..,but definitely try to join a gym...this was so vital n my recovery and for my mood swings...use your time alone to journal or talk to God how you are feeling....Im still uncomfortable at times with crowds of people but its getting better..took 4 years...Im definitely an introvert and Ive heard that we sometimes return to the personality we had before we had drinking..which for me was the quietest kid in class...I had to learn to imbrace that characteristic...take advantage of it..rather than try to change it with drugs and booze...I slowly joined activities I loved again..things get better with time an sobriety... good luck God Bless

ThatWasTheOldMe

I am just like you, Frog. One day at a time, my friend.

zjw

i had socialization issues to being with. Growing up in an abusive house hold told how worthless i was then never allowed to go anywhere or do anthing so i never really got to learn that social intereaction stuff properly. and when faced with the opporutnity to i was still feeling like i was worthless and such because thats what i was told. all the voices in my head where strong like there all laughing at you. your a fat looser no one likes you etc..

Then came booze. it seemed to really break that ice and make it easier and it helped me cope with the crap growing up.

The reality was it wasnt making things any better tho. I was not learning proper social skills and i was not dealing with why i felt so worthless and such i was just numbing that all out with booze.

so when i quit i had bad social anxiety. still do. I joke all the time that i dont play nice in the sandbox. beucase it seems liek for one reason or another social intereaction for me just never works out sooner or later and i walk away feeling like it was my fault and I hate to say it often i can see how it was i generaly fail to convey myself properly to others and screw things up.

I isolate tho as i'm introverted and it gives me that rest and recoop time. then I go back out there. but usually i'm forced IE i have to go a gym to run. or I have to get to some place where there is a preplanned social thing i commited too. no easy way out for me. this forces me to face it.

So in my opinion getting out with the living now and then is good but for me isolating is also good it gives me that time to withdraw and reflect and I need that too.

bluedog97

I can relate. I used to drink to loosen up and socialize. Then my drunk self began to make such an ass out of myself in public, I began to just stay home and drink. Plus it's cheaper to drink at home. By this time alcohol had its claws in me and this went on for years. I don't want to go back to that.

Bird615

I thought drinking would help me with my shyness and feeling awkward and make me more outgoing, but that backfired because I just ended up embarrassing/humiliating myself and isolated even more.

When I quit drinking this time, I gradually came to accept myself as I am. I'm an introvert and have come to enjoy my time alone. I tend to be somewhat quiet and reserved until I feel comfortable around someone and I realized that there's nothing wrong with that. I stopped trying to force myself to be something I'm not and since I've done that, when I do happen to be around people, I enjoy it more. I'm more relaxed when I'm not pressuring myself to be outgoing.

As for bored, there isn't enough time to do all the things I want to do.

zjw

I Like this!! it was hard for me for a while i felt that something was wrong with me that i should be more outgoing. is houdl be more this i should be more that. I finally thought why am i fighting this? i am the way that I am and started to become more at peace about stuff.

soberlvn

I've found that if I'm around people who I know, I'm fine if there is drinking taking place. However, I find myself getting anxious attending a function where I don't know anyone or barely know them. I have had some pretty bad anxiety symptoms in those situations.

MsCooterBrown

I study myself a bunch. I find it so odd that I was so outgoing...joking ...conversations...hanging out doing fun things with others. Then I retire. It is like I closed the door and that....was that. I don't care if I see others. I love to read. Spend time on the computer. It may sound boring to others but I am loving my alone time. For years I had to interact. I am sure I will get back out there again. I really have to watch myself. Going on three years in June since I retired....

Centered3

No you are not the only one and I'm sure there are many like us on SR. Part of my drinking was due to social anxiety. I just had to get that buzz to be able to be comfortable in my own skin back then.

I am finding with practice, though, my social anxiety is lessening. I try to just observe more and talk less. I also no longer put on a facade to gain acceptance or worry about what other people think of me. The more I work on being authentic, the better. Still a work in progress.

As for hobbies--I am finding that I am watching a lot less TV than when I used to drink at home at night, and am enjoying books instead. I am slowly enjoying my own company, too, instead of the constant need to be around other people doing things that I thought were fun, but really weren't.

Through my journey of recovery, I've also discovered that I'm more of an introvert when I used to think I was an extrovert.

SoberCAH

I seldom experience social anxiety anymore, irrespective of whatever group of people in which I happen to find myself.

I grew up with low self-esteem as a result of parental alcoholism and psychological game-playing.

After working the 12 Steps and praying to God for a good while, I view myself as one among many in the human race.

Not better than or less than others.

ThatWasTheOldMe

To be honest, I envy you. I have low self-esteem and I definitely get social anxiety.

ScottFromWI

I deal with anxiety, mostly health but I do have social anxiety at times too. It's been a long road but one of the keys for me was accepting my anxiety for what it is, just like I did with my addiction. And I don't mean that in the sense that there's nothing I can do about it, but i do accept that I'm simply an anxious person. I have been able to make quite a bit of progress in minimizing the symptoms though , through counseling, eating and sleeping better, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and I've also tried 2 different meds with varying success.

The good news is you can absolutely overcome it - it's a treatable and livable condition.

MrsLecter

Yes to your entire post.

My drinking definitely started as a way to integrate with other people. I would consider myself to be introverted but I definitely adopt multiple personas in order to adapt to my environment. I'm realising that those personas are ultimately to make other people feel more comfortable around me rather than make me feel comfortable. It's interesting.

Anyway, I was a solo drinker for around 8 years (I'm 29 but the social aspect dried up years ago) and my pattern was simple: drink and numb out. I'd lose track of time, I'd be blacked out going about my daily life but I was never bored because my mind was just ******* gone. Now I'm sober, I still feel naff physically, but I'm whirring through books and paintings because all of a sudden I have a shocking amount of time.

With regards to social situations, I think my patience has gone right down since getting sober haha.