Best friend is a drug dealer

Old 03-13-2017, 04:55 PM
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Best friend is a drug dealer

He sells weed for a living and rings me up to ask If I want any weed. I've told him numerous times NOT to sell me weed because if it sends me paranoid it will cause me to buy a drink to abolish the paranoia but he doesn't listen and keeps ringing me saying it's really cheap but good stuff.

I've known him for over 20 years but this is definitely not good for my recovery.

Should I cut him out of my life?
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:06 PM
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Yes. You have almost begged him not to sell it. Sounds like total disregard on your "friends" part. At the least...not supportive at all. That is my vote.
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:09 PM
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My best friend, at the end of my Great Debauchery, was a weed dealer too, tho he'd vehemently deny that - the guy he got his stuff off was the dealer (LOL)

His priority was not to lose a customer or a drinking or smoking buddy.

I cut him loose.

We had good times but the real bond between us was obviously getting wasted.

He just didn't fit with the me I wanted to be or the life I wanted to live.


Last edited by Dee74; 03-13-2017 at 05:40 PM.
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:10 PM
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He doesn't sound like a 'friend' to me. Ignoring your wishes and bothering you isn't the behavior of a friend.
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:11 PM
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Doesn't sound like a best friend to me to be quite blunt Doubter. I guess it really depends on what your plans are. Are you trying to stay sober?
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Old 03-13-2017, 06:23 PM
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Friends provide help, support, encouragement to their friends.
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Doubter View Post
He sells weed for a living and rings me up to ask If I want any weed. I've told him numerous times NOT to sell me weed because if it sends me paranoid it will cause me to buy a drink to abolish the paranoia but he doesn't listen and keeps ringing me saying it's really cheap but good stuff.

I've known him for over 20 years but this is definitely not good for my recovery.

Should I cut him out of my life?
To your question, yes.

I ruthlessly select the people allowed in my life. Whether they are alcoholics or not, NO ONEgets a seat at my table who is not trying to live their best healthy life.

Perhaps ask yourself if you were a drug dealer trying to sell weed to an alcoholic who smokes pot....what kind of "best friend" would you be?
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:34 PM
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Let him go. He is not good for your sobriety.
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Old 03-13-2017, 10:40 PM
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It is unlikely that he means any malice, more he thinks he has something good and wants to share it with his best bud...Unfortunately he is not listening to you.
Before cutting ties with your mate, I would try and get him to hear you and respect your decision and ask for his support in the future .
Having people around that don't respect our desire for sobriety can undermine our efforts. Take care
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Old 03-13-2017, 10:47 PM
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If you have been friends for a long time try telling hm that you no longer want to smoke or drink, but you'd be happy to meet him for lunch, or maybe a hike/run, movie. If he isn't interested in meeting for anything other than to sell or use, then you are probably going to need to cut the friendship.
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Old 03-13-2017, 10:59 PM
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Old 03-14-2017, 03:38 AM
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When I originally got sober my best friend was also a drug dealer. He understood that I had quit using/drinking and didn't try to sell or share anything with me, but I still had to let him go as a friend. His life was centered around drugs and alcohol and my life no longer was. Within a couple of weeks I realized that although we were truly best friends and had lots of common interests outside of drugs/alcohol, the core of the relationship always revolved around getting high/drunk.

He was an alcoholic/addict too, and the last person I needed to be hanging around with as a newly sober person was an active alcoholic/addict. I was also friends with his brother who got sober a few years after me. He kept me up to date on how my former best buddy was doing, and one day I got a call from him letting me know that his brother had died in an alcohol related accident (at age 40). I have been thinking about him lately as his birthday just recently passed.
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Old 03-14-2017, 04:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Doubter View Post

Should I cut him out of my life?
Not sure about having friends who don't have our best interest at heart?
Best to hang our with friends who have good morals.
Most pot dealers are not known to have these assets.

I was also guilty of the above.
But, that was the old man.

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Old 03-14-2017, 10:15 AM
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Should I cut him out of my life?
Yes, a threat to your sobriety.
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Old 03-14-2017, 10:33 AM
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Put me down for a 'yes'. He is not your friend if he is actively threatening your sobriety.
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Old 03-14-2017, 10:38 AM
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In my experience, and yours may certainly vary, people who are a danger to my sobriety seem to drop off with no effort on my part except my continuing commitment to my sobriety. I've gone so far as to tell my friends that they are welcome to smoke pot or drink beer at my shop but they never ever do.
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Old 03-14-2017, 01:17 PM
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He's a deadbeat for making a living that way and even more so for trying to get a sale out of someone who has dependency issues and has said no before!
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Old 03-14-2017, 04:38 PM
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This is the same guy:

I new deep down that this is what I wanted but not with someone pressuring me to go detox.

It was my best friend who forced me to go. He kept sayin that im never gonna stop continuously. he kept ringing me up asking me if i had booked in, when i said no he said to me that i was full of ****. its my money, my life not his.

He rang me up after and said if you do relapse then you have to believe him when he says im never going to stop. and when i tell him its hard he says im making excuses. How dare he?

he was ringing me up at 7:am nearly every morning and still does. he won't leave me alone

Weird fella.
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Old 03-14-2017, 11:13 PM
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I think you need to answer this question for yourself.

At the heart of this is a more philosophical point of what is a friend. In this case I don't think you have to go far into that point to get to Motives. Are his motives self-serving (business man to potential customer) or acts of love? (Like a true friend)

I used to think every bar-person and pub landlord in town were my best mates. Funny, those people never wanted to catch up over a coffee .

If we hang around slippery people in slippery places, chances are that we're going to be using all the energy we have on not slipping back, rather than on moving forward in our recovery and growing in our sobriety. It wouldn't take much of a Health and Safety expert to spot that a slip of our own is likely in that environment as well.

We can't stop our old pals taking, drinking and selling what we used to take. (God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change... ). The only way to change things is change us. Our thoughts, habits and motives(... the courage to change the person I can...) The trick is learning to do what will give us we need in the long term, rather than what is we want to cling to for comfort in the short term (... and the wisdom to know the difference.)

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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Old 03-15-2017, 08:57 AM
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Yes, you should cut him loose if you want to stay clean and sober.

In a world of difficult decisions, this is an easy one.

Not easy to implement, but you certainly don't want people like this in your life if you want to stay clean and sober.

I think that Grunge and August 25 nail the issue very nicely, as does BB.

On the other hand, I do have plenty of acquaintances and a few friends who are former dealers who have gotten clean and sober.
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