Relapse...and finding my way back
 

I am ashamed to post this, as I was doing so well in recovery. I had a serious relapse in November, and can't seem to find my way back. I am reaching out for help, hopefully without judgement.

Don't dwell in shame. This moment is the start of the rest of your life. Be proud of yourself for coming back so soon. I had a 4 1/2 year relapse. We all understand.

We can do this together.

I am so sad in this prison, I have gone without drinking before and felt pure joy! Why can't I stop? Why am I giving into this beast? I am so lost....God forgive me...

I really need help now..to focus on a new plan. Anyone out there?

Look at my Join date...I have had a few and am back again...3/6/17 I made a firm commitment to myself that this is IT. Join me...we can do this together. I think for me...I have to think of alcohol as poison. I focus on what it does to destroy both physical and mental sides. I think the first 3 days are brutal if you have been drinking daily...was for me. I also found that if I eat it fends off cravings to drink. So I do like maybe six small meals a day. Even if it is fruit. Please don't give up. We can beat this.

PLUS I haven't checked into it ...but have seen posts from others. You could check with your doctor...he may have something to help ease you off of withdrawals.

I am so ashamed that I failed...this leads me to drink more.. I want to stop now..but feel that I'm not able..

Thank you MsCooter...I really need some support now, I am in the dark hole...and grasping to get out!!

Shame is what helped turn my last relapse into a 2 week bender. Thankfully I'm getting close to 30 days sober... Don't give up!!

This is how my day one plan went.

It was a Sunday. I felt like death. I called AA for the first time and arranged to see a recovered alcoholic to be, what I later found out, twelve stepped.

We had an oil crisis at the time and all of us had one day a week where we could not use our cars. It was his carless day, so I made my way to his house.

I spent the afternoon with this chap, listening closely to his story. It was a bit different to mine, but there were also similarities. Then I listened even more closely as he described how he had recovered, and what it had meant to him. He explained the AA program, and about the fellowship and the meetings. He answered all my questions.

I couldn't really see a way out for myself, but I was desperate, and willing to go to any lengths to stop the misery. Then he asked me, without any pressure, if I would be willing to go to a meeting with him that night. I was frightened of that idea, but as he was now someone I trusted, and he would be there with me, I agreed.

The only memory I have of that first meeting was an old guy named Joe, with white hair and a yellow bush shirt. Joe had a big smile and was pleased to see me. That was a new experience.

So that night I went to bed sober, with the feeling that there might be hope for me yet. The next day I called my new AA friend, and a plan for that day developed, and I went to bed sober again.

That simple plan has turned into many years of sobriety. I hope it will be of some use to you.

I'm a lousy cheerleader but hope you find a program / plan that works. When I hit my head hard enough and long enough I started going to meetings and joined SR. I surround myself with others who found a way out. I did what they did and around 2-3 mints the obsession to drink had disappeared and was removed. As long as I don't take that first drink I don't start the cycle.

Have you considered rehab - AA - Smart etc?

We all hit the bottom rungs on the shame and guilt ladder. Stop drinking is the start of getting out of that pit of dispair

I seem to be able to go many day's without drinking. Then, I go on a binder that lasts for many days...I want to stop, I am still drinking now, I don't want to offend any of you, God, I need help.

I hope I can stop tonight..please don't judge me

You are able. I think the scariest part is the longer you wait...the harder it is to find your way back. I have done this very cycle over the years. I think each time I picked up my drinking INCREASED....It is all or nothing for us. Try thinking of tomorrow as a brand new start. You and I will make it together. Before we know it we will have a years sobriety! Look forward. Try to get out of your own head. Drinking escalates depression...PUT IT DOWN...You can do this.

I think the mindset of a relapse is ...I already blew it...why not? Horribly destructive thinking. I think this is how people that relapse don't find their way back to sobriety.

I am actually drinking wine now, to bring me down from the 2 5th's of Vodka I drank this weekend. I am trying to ween off, as I am frightened about the DT's. I have about 6oz of wine left...

. If I were you, I call a detox facility to see if you can detox the alcohol off.

At least you are here posting and that is a good start. Join March 2017 thread.

Crisco, do you not think I can do this on my own? I have a friend here, and we had a nice supper. We are going to go for a walk, and then watch a movie. I will consume the last 6oz of wine before bed, and take a Xanix. This seems like a good, at home detox plan.

Any thoughts are appreciated!!
Thanks guys....

Many prayers Wildflower. Consider medical detox if you get DTs and/or have had seizures. Don't beat yourself up, we have all been helpless trying to stop. There is hope and you can achieve sobriety with persistence.

Wildflower - We're glad you're back with us.

I had 3 yrs. sober once. I decided I could have a few glasses of wine. I went completely off the rails - it took me 7 yrs. to get my sobriety back. So I certainly won't be judging you! Be proud of yourself. You came back to get sober again - nothing shameful about that.