Outonthetiles

I was majorly depressed over the end of a relationship and drinking was how I deadened my emotions. Mind you, I was drinking before that, but the end of the relationship completely put me under. I still don't know how, but I think I worked through the depression, although it took more than two years.

kwc123

The first time I "quit" drinking I was so hyper and had a to-do list and so happy to be getting so much done, and I was getting way more done than when I was drinking, even though I still got a lot done while drinking.

Since then I have started and "quit" three times. with each time my motivation wanes. Now I am about 1.5 months without a drink, and find I have zero interest in anything. Physically, I feel much better, but going for a hike or long bike ride which I used to enjoy when I was drinking brings me no joy. I can force myself to do it, but there is no joy in it. Walking the dog is a chore that I used to love when I was drinking. I can not even find any interest in just binging on Netflix or movies I used to enjoy. I have no interest in reading my newsfeed. I was learning another language before I quit, and that has completely stalled. I used to write to my daughter, who does not live with me, every day or so, but that has stopped.

I have to get the house winter-proofed but can only manage to do one part of the task each day, such as move the materials, or the screw driver and screws, I need from the basement to where they need to be. Cutting firewood would have taken me a half-day and now it is taking weeks. I no longer have any desire to chat with friends or keep up facebook (corona now, so most interactions are online) I have not even had an erection since I quit, not even morning wood. I feel bad for my partner so I tried to watch porn the other day while she was at work to see if I could get turned on, and no interest whatsoever. I used to cook a lot when I was drinking, but now I am happy with whatever makes me not feel hungry and requires the least effort.

On the other hand, I used to be prone to high anxiety, which is one of the reasons I became addicted to alcohol because it lessened it, but I no longer have anxiety in situations where I would normally have mini-attacks. I literally feel nothing.

Note, this is covid time, and I lost my business because of it, so I am out of work. I have lots of ideas, and know I could have a job or start another business within a month if I really tried, but since I stopped drinking I can not even get myself to start implementing them.

I am hoping this will end sooner than my savings run out. I was an adequately functioning alcoholic. Now I am a non-functioning recovering alcoholic.

tursiops999

Hi kwc. Welcome to SR, glad you're here. Congrats on 1.5 months sober. I'm no professional, but have you considered that you may be suffering from depression? Is there a doctor or counseling service you could check in with? Early sobriety can be tough and it can take awhile for one's mood to stabilize. But with covid and some of these setbacks you've had, it's a lot to cope with. We're here to support you. Maybe check in with your doctor too?

Dee74

hi and welcome kwc

it could be as you and others have said that this is a natural reaction to a horrible year.
I remember tho when I quit after 20 tears of self abuse by drink and drugs that it took about 3 months for me to feel any spark of joy again.

I think we underestimate the damage we do to mind and body, and we discount the fact that as the years wear on we may not bounce back from a relapse as well as we used to.

do you think this is something you might see a professional about?

D