bluedog97

This concept is something I've struggled with for most of my adult life. Anytime something happened that didn't suit me was an excuse to drink. Or alternatively, if something good happened, I wanted to enhance the experience (celebrate) with alcohol. Any reason to drink.

What is 'life's terms'? In my experience, it means:

- that people will do you wrong/let you down
- that things aren't going to always go your way
- that everything is not a reason to celebrate
- you can't change the past

There's probably more but those just immediately come to mind. Life on life's terms means handling all this without picking up a drink.

Personally, I grew up surrounded by what I consider 'bad' people. The kind of bad people who purport to be 'good', the worst kind. Your con men or charlatons, if you will. The kind of people that smooze you to get you in their good graces and wham do you wrong. I started drinking at 15 to cope with this.

Sobering up as an adult, I realize these people haven't changed. They still think they can get over on me.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. Hiwever, this scenario is unfortunate but part of 'life on life's terms'. It's accepting it and learning to play the hand I was dealt. In my younger days I would have thought "This isn't fair!" and gone and gotten drunk.

Many have it worse than me. I just wanted to express this. What does this phrase mean to you?

Gottalife

That people will do you wrong or let you down. Not always intentionally. Some folks have let me down by dying. suddenly my rock was gone. To handle life in all its different facets, a power greater than myself that is with me 24/7 and has never let me down, seems to be the best way for me to have the power to handle life on life's terms.

PhoenixJ

That stuff does not happen on MY terms. I never had terms over life-. The only person or situation I can attempt to control is me. Now that means acceptance. So- if I think I am really scared and want rescuing- and no one does because I am alone- I can either wallow in self misery or do something about not being scared- alone. And then accepting life just is- it is not fair, it is hard, it seems like luck or fate. It is none of these things- those things out of my scope are just life.

bluedog97

The only thing I object to here is the idea of being rescued. I mean, even with SR, are people coming here to be rescued or for support. None of us can go at it alone.

steve-in-kville

This very concept was a huge sticking point for me: I was keeping score of all the people/places/businesses that did me wrong over the years. I found myself "gloating" when a distant family member (who hurt me quite badly over the years) had a few skeletons fall out of the closet recently.

It was then I realized just how sick and twisted I really was!

PhoenixJ

What I mean is - not to expect others to rescue me. To fight my fight with help- yes, but not to expect others to do my hard work for me. When drinking I was rescued- when blacked out until it got too much for others. I will not expect any dependency on my behalf on others. I am responsible for me. Every one needs help- that is not rescuing- for me. I speak only about myself, no one else.

paulokes

"What is 'life's terms'? In my experience, it means:

- that sometimes life will be so beautiful it'll just make you cry
- when you stop trying to control people, you start loving them and worry less about the decisions they make or things that happen to them
- when you learn to forgive the world becomes a less threatening place
- the realization that maybe everything does have a purpose is mind blowing...it makes you see things in an entirely different way"

There's probably still more bit I just thought I would balance out your list a little

P

paulokes

There is definitely a difference between being supported and being rescued. Very important point.

Never ever let some rescue you against your will, or get pulled in to rescuing someone that didn't necessarily need the help.

When I was training to be a lifeguard I got taught...if someone is panicing, and likely to drag you down/drown you...punch them in the nose and swim away until they calm down and are able to co-operate in their own rescue/assisted life-saving experience

P

2ndhandrose

"Life on life's term's" was a totally new and foreign concept to me when I first heard it here on SR.

I spent a lot of time considering this and I was able to make a huge leap in maturing when I realized that life is life is life and it applies to all of us. None of us are immune to the highs and lows, the tears and the joy.

I needed to grasp that I am not a delicate snowflake, that no one understands me, nobody knows the trouble I've seen, blah, blah, blah.

Good things, bad things and in-between things make up life and once I accepted that, I could move beyond resenting everyone and every event and stop feeling sorry for myself.

Accepting "life on life's term's" was absolutely liberating for me and is something I work on accepting everyday.

Wholesome

This topic made me think of this

teatreeoil007

Life happens and there are sooooooo many things that we drink over. Bad things happen, but good things happen too. I like to just realize that most things will pass and feelings are not facts. To drink over a bad feelings; well many people do it and I can certainly understand how that happens. But learning to turn to a better means of coping is the key.

Good topic and great replies.

thomas11

Pretty astute observation in my opinion. I agree with practically everything you've mentioned. What the phrase means to me is that life is going to happen, its going to go on, move forward. Its unstoppable. How we choose to deal with it is our choice. We can drink it away, or we can experience the good and the bad being fully present.

ljc267

I struggle with needing control the world around me. Arrogantly, I feel like I know how things should be and how everyone should act. I used to get very agitated or anxious when things did not go as I thought they should. Letting go of that and accepting things as is has been a struggle but I am working on it.

NYCDoglvr

In a meeting I heard someone say that what alcoholics call stress, normal people call life! Even in my 26th year I still dislike the saying "life on life's terms" but over time we get the tools to deal with it. It was a big help to try to let go of expectations and to stop projecting. Keeping those two things in check handles most disappointments in life. But it's a process (hate that word too!!). Sometimes one step forward, two steps back.

icoi87

I like that analogy

August252015

Agree. Lots of good comments too.

I would also add- it means "it's not all about me."