Following Our Parents

Old 03-08-2017, 05:16 PM
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Following Our Parents

This afternoon I was by chance reading through notes/journals that my dad had left when he passed in 1997. He wrote how he had begun drinking too much wine in order to get to sleep. He knew he was drinking 'too much'. I worked the age-math, and that was when he would have been 49. He was a high functioning alcoholic. My best recollection is I was doing the same thing when I was around 45 or 46. My heavy drinking started before then, but that is when I started pre sleep drinking hard to pass out.

I found it interesting that I followed him in my drinking pattern, whether it was random or hereditary.

Anyone else have a similar family history?
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Old 03-08-2017, 05:36 PM
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My father was an alcoholic. He was very mentally abuse to my mother, my brother and myself. I always said I would never drink and be like him.

But at age 25 I started drinking everyday. That lasted27 long years. I am now 53 years old and I am 135 days sober. My father also quit drinking when he was in him mid-50's due to health reason and today he is almost 80, miserable and a dry drunk.

Looking back I ended up just like him - except I wasn't abusive and I go to AA and work on my sobriety. I mainly just hurt myself.
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Old 03-08-2017, 06:27 PM
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I'm actually the oppsite, neither of my parents nor their siblings were alcoholics. My mom didn't drink at all and while my dad did, he never did to excess. My brother is not either. I guess I drew the short straw.
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Old 03-08-2017, 08:48 PM
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My Dad left home when I was 14...before I started to drink. I suppose I knew he drank but not really the extent. We stopped talking when I was 18.

I got back in touch at 32, after I quit. He told me stuff, and I found out more from family.

It was entirely frightening how similar I had become to him in the 14 years that I didn't know him, and incidentally was trying very hard not to be like him.

Made me realise just how my ilness (alcoholism) was completely beyond my control. What we inherit goes far beyond the genes.

Not all alcoholics have alcoholic parents of course. But I think it pays immensely to take a long hard look at ourselves once we manage to physically stop drinking.

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Old 03-09-2017, 07:41 AM
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When I was young I swore I wouldn't turn out like my mother...... surprise surprise I am JUST like her! sigh.
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Old 03-09-2017, 07:45 AM
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Long line of alcoholism in my family. On both sides. I guess I am not surprised at my struggle with it. I still think if you go way back everyone will find it somewhere in their family.
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Old 03-09-2017, 08:07 AM
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I have addiction on both sides of my family........
Father..alcohol and cigarettes.
Brother..alcohol cigarettes heroin crack.
Mother...oxicodon shopping
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Old 03-09-2017, 08:16 AM
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my stepfather was an abusive drunk there was not much normal about how he raised us.

But i grew up just assuming you became an adult and drank after work and when you went fishing or really anytime at all there was an opportunity too.

In my case id idnt grow up just like him thank god. But i do catch myself at times about to react in a fashion he might have. Or questioning what is the proper way to handle my kids becuase i did not have a good example. I suppose i did learn that drinking was totally normal every day behaivior tho from him and followed in that path for man years. I had no idea that not everyone did that. No seriously i just thought every adult drank every night i thought that was normal. if you didnt you where wierd or something.
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Old 03-09-2017, 09:06 AM
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Lots of alcoholics on my Dad's side of the family (including Dad), almost none on my Mom's side. In the end, doesn't really matter as my alcoholism was my doing.
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Old 03-09-2017, 11:04 AM
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My dad was an alcoholic but got clean when I was born so I never saw him drunk, but I was told quite a few stories from my mom.
I remember one time he found a bottle of whiskey I had when I was 19 and dumped it out. He asked me if I wanted to go to AA with him and I just laughed it off, little did I know by the time I was about 25, I was a full blown alcoholic.
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:57 PM
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The only time I seen my parents drink was on New Years Eve and that was only 2-3 margaritas at best. Now the rest of my family was all alcoholics, both of my grandparents on both sides were drinkers, my uncles, cousins you name it all drank. All of my family lived with in a few blocks in the small town i grew up in.

My first beer and cigarette came from my grandma when I was about 13. That first beer gave me a buzz and I loved it. Spent many nights drinking at my uncle's house who had a bar in his house with a full keg always on tap and a pool table in his bar room. Talk about heaven for a teenager. All of that lead me to where I am now... An alcoholic.
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Old 03-09-2017, 01:27 PM
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Old 03-09-2017, 02:39 PM
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Yup. My dad was an addict or alcoholic from about 25 years old on. The apple didn't fall far from the tree and I was off an running in his footsteps at 15. But that was my own decision. It had nothing to do with him. I just thought I was having fun. Stupid kid who knew nothing about life. It happens. Thankful he and I are both sober and in recovery now.
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Old 03-09-2017, 05:18 PM
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I'm the first addict in my family to my knowledge.
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Old 03-09-2017, 05:35 PM
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Really tough but interesting topic for me.

I never thought of my dad as an alcoholic and it's only now that I know I am one myself I think he's one, too.

He has quite a history with addiction (he was addicted to weed before and even heroin when he was in his twenties) and he's always been drinking a lot for my whole life. There's not a day he doesn't drink. He's lost his drivers license because of driving drunk some years ago but now has it back. He drinks about 2 bottles of wine a day. But he's extremely successful, running his own company. That's why I never thought of him as an alcoholic. Also cause he keeps it to the evenings. But I guess he's your typical highly functioning alcoholic.

This week I discussed with my therapist how I started drinking. I started when I was 12/13 years old to have a sneaky glass of my dad's wine after he went to bed. Soon I'd start to have a couple of glasses during the evening, mixed with my coke so he wouldn't notice. So basically I was copying him.

I did drink daily for about a year before stopping and I always compared my drinking to my dads drinking and justified my daily drinking by the fact that he does it too and still is successful. Well I wasn't. For the longest time I thought I was doing it wrong and had to change my drinking, get better at it. I just had to stop though but I didn't realise that it was as simple as that.
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Old 03-09-2017, 05:37 PM
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My mother and stepfather at one point were alcoholics which led to me finishing high school in foster care. My mother has since divorced him and rarely ever drinks anymore.

My biological father is still an alcoholic although he will not admit he has a problem.
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Old 03-10-2017, 03:14 AM
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I think i'm following my mum's footsteps in my drinking. I need to stop ASAP because I have a 1 year old and I want to model good behavior for him. While alcoholism may be genetic, I really hope and believe that nurture is much stronger than nature and that, so long as I raise him right, he won't turn out like me and his grandma. Well, I hope I can begin to be and stay sober.
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Old 03-10-2017, 03:43 AM
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Getting sober would stop the chain of
abuse and addiction that was carried
on from a sick parent into my own little
family yrs ago.

I too swore id never be like my mom
who was abusive to me because of her
own demons inflicted on me. I never
abused my 2 babies like she did me
but I did inherit the alcohol addiction
and stopped it when I entered recovery
back in 1990, some 26 yrs ago.

I am proud of my 2 beautiful, talented,
babies with no addictions who have grown
up to have families of their own and living
successful lives.

That to me is are blessings and gifts
in recovery I cherish and am grateful
for each sober day I live.

Learning how to stop the chain of
abuse and addiction is the key from
hopefully passing it on.
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