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Losing freinds while sober

Old 03-07-2017, 09:27 AM
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Losing freinds while sober

So here I am 2 and a half weeks sober after being sober for 2 years and now my best friend has basically vanished!! He is also a alcoholic who recently spent 28 days in rehab and was doing out patient treatment as well and I'm the one who helped him get into this facility. Now he has moved in a girl with him who is a heroin addict that he met in rehab. I'm pretty sure he is back to drinking or using because last time I spoke to him over a week ago he admitted to smoking pot a little. I gave him my opinion on both the smoking pot and moving in a girl who he met in rehab. He was only 60 days sober at the time all this happened and in my opinion hes playing with fire.. Not really sure why I'm posting this other than it just pisses me off and I wanna vent!! I guess I really shouldn't worry about him and just keep focusing on my own recovery.
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Old 03-07-2017, 09:51 AM
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Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. You can't make him see where he is going wrong, and you can't make him stay sober. Hopefully, he realizes it before it's too late.
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Old 03-07-2017, 09:53 AM
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Thanks for sharing Harley and congratulations on 2 and a half weeks of being sober, that's a pretty big deal.

One of the hard parts of getting sober that you are finding out is that we may need to find new friends and new pasttimes as we move forward. Our true friends will respect our choice to remain sober, others we may need to move on from. One thing that's really important to remember is that you absolutely have no control over others actions - and while it's tempting to want to try and help them, they will need to make their own decisions and live with the consequences. Most addicts absolutely hate to be told how to live their lives, mostly because they are in denial and they already know what you are going to tell them.

Your last sentence is very key....you really do need to focus on your own recovery. Setting fair boundaries between those who have destructive behaviors is a good thing - although it's not easy.
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Old 03-07-2017, 10:01 AM
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ScottFromWI,

Thats probably why I relapsed. I started hanging around friends still drinking and I allowed them to bring alcohol into my home. I didn't drink at first but the temptation eventually gave in.
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Old 03-07-2017, 10:03 AM
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when I was pretty new to recovery, seeing people at meetings who kept going back out was a bugger. I was told I can carry the message, but carrying the alcoholic/addict could very well take me down with em.
yup, it is playing with fire. but I don't cause it, cant control it, and cant cure it.
as frustrating as it was, it was best for me to direct my anger and frustration at the disease and not the person.
and be there if they reach out for help.
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Old 03-07-2017, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Harley1973 View Post
ScottFromWI,

Thats probably why I relapsed. I started hanging around friends still drinking and I allowed them to bring alcohol into my home. I didn't drink at first but the temptation eventually gave in.
Yep - you let them cross several boundaries there. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but necessary in some cases. You may simply need to just tell them that they are welcome in your home if they respect your decision to stop drinking and also respect your request to keep your home alcohol free. If they balk then they probably aren't really friends you need around anyway.
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Old 03-07-2017, 02:40 PM
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When you quit you're holding up a huge mirror to the drinkers around you.
Many just don't like what they see in that mirror.
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Old 03-07-2017, 02:42 PM
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Hi Harley

I know thats rough but I lost a lot of guys I found out were only drinking buddies too...

the ones who stuck by me and supported me, even those who had problems of their own, were, and are my true mates.

I also reconnected with a lot of people who I'd drifted away from, and made some new friends...I know you will too

D
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Old 03-07-2017, 05:54 PM
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Yep, loosing drinking friends is inevitable when you sober up. I'm not even sure they were my friends when we were drinking together. I just kept buying rounds and they all hung around me. After 4 years of sobriety, I don't see any of them?..
I'm hanging out those boring ones. You know, the ones that don't drink..lol.
Seriously, don't fret over this. When he's ready to quit, he will. In the meantime you have you're life to save. Just don't drink. Nothing is worth drinking over. Nothing.
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