steve-in-kville

Got thinking today about family/friends planning an intervention for someone who has a problem (i.e. addicts like us). Only twice did someone approach me about my drinking: my mom and a church friend. Neither had much of an impact, it just drove me to be more secretive about my drinking.

Yeah, my wife got on my case a few times. I just hid the bottles somewhere else!

MsCooterBrown

I am not sure. When I watch the show Intervention...I always wonder what the long term success rate it. I wish they would do more follow ups. I think for me...if they tried it...I would reject the idea. Major...get out of my face major. I guess I don't think you can force anyone to quit...it has to be in their time ..when they have had it.

steve-in-kville

There's a show called intervention? Gotta google that one...

Maudcat

I think the show, Intervention is, like most things these days, carefully staged. I read somewhere, don't know where,that interventions are not wonderfully successful. Seems accurate to me. No one can make someone change their ways, we know this. So why would a bunch of people telling you how much you have screwed up make you want to quit your DOC? With me, it would have had an opposite effect.
In fact, I was listening to a recovery podcast today, "The Bubble Hour," where the person telling her story told of her parents staging an intervention for her when she was 20. She blew them off and went on drinking and drugging for 6 more years. She stopped when she found a therapist with whom she could work productively, and then started going to AA.
Anyway, my two cents, fwiw. Peace.

NewRomanMan

Personally I don't think interventions do that much good unless a person is totally ready and willing to quit. And by that I mean desperate and willing to do anything at all to quit.
There isn't anything that could have made me stop until I was ready. I know that much.

BrendaChenowyth

It depends on whether the intervention is going to focus on helping the addicted person get better, or whether it's going to be one giant bitch session where everyone gets a chance to let you know how much you have hurt them personally.

My mother only confronted me about my drinking once, because I drank the last of her boyfriend's beers and she was soooo embarrassed that her daughter did that. It wasn't about helping me, it was about me embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend. She was afraid that if he asked me to move out of his house, she would have to choose between her child and her boyfriend (because that's a hard choice).

Help the addict because you want them to get better, not because you want your life to be drama free.
Telling the addict what a hassle they are in your life is going to make them retreat further.

ljc267

Depends on timing. If I was ready to quit then yes. If not then no.

I don't think outside forces will get you sober. It might work for a while, but not long term.

steve-in-kville

I agree with the above posts, and especially this^^^

zjw

i didnt have a drinking problem for starters. and if everyone tried to convince me otherwise that wouda just been fighten words. I woulda resorted to hiding it or some damn thing but i woudlnt have quit.

my wife would get on my case every now and then. but i had this attituded of like OMFG just leave me alone already i'd tell her wtvr so that i could keep on drinking.

in reality when my wife eased up and i became unhinged is probably what did it for me. i was on the fast track then towards all the panic and nonsense and thats what it took to sober me up. So in my case i'd say quite the opposite worked best go figure. but thats me. I dont learn squat unless its the hard way.

paulokes

When people approached me I felt defensive, angry, resentful...often the response was "Is it any wonder I feel the way I feel/drink the way I do".

It's possible an intervention might have been useful at some point in my life but I can't think when

As it happens the most useful thing anyone did for me was NOT to confront me. I had this boss who never said a word. Ignored my absences/lateness/inability to work/blaming of other people etc. Just stayed very professional and understanding until I burnt myself out and quit.

Up until that point employers were always on my case and that was a constant source of resentment. After that particular boss, I knew in my heart I had no excuses and noone to blame. Best job and most well paid I ever had and I messed it up through no one else's fault.

I still TRIED to blame her for a while...obviously...but deep down I didn't even believe myself

P

ScottFromWI

I had several "mini interventions" by my wife and it didn't help unfortunately. I needed to decide for myself. Surely it might work for some though.

I think it's a lot more important to focus on what I can do now though rather than worry about what could have or would have happened.

starstarstar

Hard to say...

I'd definitely be embarrassed.
I might cry.
I might "You're Not The Boss Of Me!"

Pretty sure however I reacted I'd be running from the room.

steve-in-kville

This, unfortunately, was my go to response for years, even when I would relapse. It was always someone else that was the problem.

zjw

Originally Posted by paulokes View Post
"Is it any wonder I feel the way I feel/drink the way I do".

I still think this when I ponder some of what I was up against back when I drank and I think no wonder I drank with no coping skills how else could I have handled things. It's not an excuse but it does tend to explain it to some degree.

Notimetoloose

Something like an intervention would have crippled me, I do not like being the centre of attention for good stuff...to highlight my addiction and the pain I am causing to my loved ones and myself publically would send me straight into isolation and away from what I would find so humiliating..
I don't know if down the track after I recovered from the 'humiliation' if I could turn it around and look at it from more of a 'they care intervention'.
Addiction and breaking open the denial that comes with it ultimately comes from ourselves.

Forward12

There have been quite a few shows/episodes of intervention style programs over the years now on youtube worth watching.
It's pretty much the same story of family and friends being at their wits end from someone's drinking/drugging and are willing to do anything to get this person clean.
Usually a consoler, rehab, sober houses etc,.. with some time of sobriety, but more times then not as expected, they end up going right back to where they were.
It mirrors what others are saying and the truth about getting sober is you have to want it 100% and willing to do whatever it takes to get clean, no one can force you into it.

noneever

It would have made me angry and deeply ashamed. And then I most likely would have gone and gotten repulsively drunk, just to show them, so there!

heartcore

I would have stood up after very few minutes & walked out of the room & shunned those people for a long time.

Really glad nobody did an intervention on me, because I love my loved ones & would hate to be "shunning them for a long time,"

I think interventions are invasive, but then I love the personal privacy.

I still haven't subdued the part of myself which gets defiant when I feel judged.
I might choose not to subdue it! It is a very useful & fiery part of me.

Most addicts & alcoholics I know (99.99999 %) are sensitive to the feeling of "being judged." It is felt keenly. Like a knife. Sometimes it isn't even happening & we feel it.

Defiance is the only immediate shield against that feeling.

As long as I hold a seed of shame in me, I need defiance to shield me. So - I've never experienced an intervention, but the concept makes me uncomfortable.

I don't even know that I would ever choose to attend one on the other side - to "intervene" on someone.

Addicts & alcoholics already know they are addicted. They know they are damaging relationships. They are embarrassed. Hearing that I had hurt people I cared about would make me hurt. I knew how to soothe hurt with substances.

Curious - did any of us come into recovery through an intervention? How do you feel about it in retrospect?

JeffreyAK

Yeah, that sounds like me, too. I'm sure there are "interventions" that have helped people, but I'm also pretty sure that if they did, it's because the addict was ready to quit and benefited from the extra push. If you're not ready to quit, then an intervention sounds like a great opportunity to blame all those other people for all your problems, which will just reinforce your desire to "show them" and keep drinking.

Maudcat

Not trying to denigrate or make light of the question, but I cannot help but think back to a scene in The Sopranos where they were trying to stage an intervention for Christopher, who was heavily drugging. In true Sopranos style, it all goes horribly wrong, and everyone ends up slugging each other and Christopher walks out.
That is probably closer to what really happens. Peace.