Please give me advice on what I should do... I screwed up
 

Hi there,

I'm sorry for the long winded post this will probably be. However, I have been doing so well with limiting my alcohol intake for the past 9 months or so, being able to go out and enjoy my time with my friends but not get completely obliterated and obnoxious. Before this, I was awful, I'd go out and seem to be incapable of not getting blackout drunk, making friends angry at me to the put where people did not want to go out with me anymore because I was such a liability. I got into a relationship and somehow this is how I realised I needed to change, not only for him but for me and my self worth as well.

However, I went out a few weeks ago and managed to slip into old habits, getting completely black out drunk and worrying all my friends and my boyfriend. I'd left the club and got a taxi, of which I have an inkling of memory, but decided to have a long chat to the taxi driver about my life (god knows why!). Now I am suffering from severe severe anxiety wondering if perhaps, as I was alone, I was taken advantage of by the taxi driver as I only remember talking to him vaguely and sitting in his car. My friend said that she got home and I was in bed (alone, luckily!) but I wasn't dressed or anything and now I can not stop worrying about what happened. I dont know what to do, I know this is probably alcohol induced anxiety (which I used to suffer from a lot) but I cannot shake the feeling of something more than just chatting happening, even though I don't remember anything else having occurred.

Is it possible that I'm completely overreacting? I know it was stupid to go off alone and try to make my own way home but at the time I obviously wasn't thinking straight.

I am not going to let this screw up stop me from my recovery process, I was doing so well, I just feel horrifically anxious about the whole thing.

Could someone please give me advice and help me to stop thinking such irrational thoughts?

To further this, I didn't feel sore as if something had happened and there were no bruises on my body.

Thanks

Abusing alcohol has it's consequences. Most of them are bad.

Learn from this mistakes and move forward.

Maybe you won't get so out of control drunk next time you drink or better yet maybe this experience will make you stop drinking altogether.

I don't know if there is much to do about the situation, other than making every effort necessary to not let it happen again. The good news is that you're safe and unhurt. That may not be the case next time.

You may have to consider completely cutting out the alcohol rather than try to limit it.

The solution is to give up on moderation. If you are an alcoholic moderation never has and never will work. I doubt there is one person here who has not tried moderation and everyone of us has failed miserably.

Blackouts are a symptom of alcoholism but until we treat the root cause we are condemned to repeat the alcoholic behavior with ever worsening consequences.

There is a way out and it is called recovery unfortunately moderation will never be part of recovery

Not being female, I don't know what indicators there would be if you had been assaulted other than what you mentioned. Perhaps you could pick another female brain in these rooms and see what they say.

I will say this. I'm a dad. I have a daughter, and it would break my heart if i ever thought my daughter had to deal with this kind of fear alone.

If you do nothing else, maybe you can talk to a therapist or a counselor or even a doctor and try to get these feelings out from burdening you so.

I CAN tell you that when I was drinking, I was a notorious drunk texter with my friends. Some i would tell off...some i'd have long conversations with. I've woken up riding down the road in the passengers seat with an old buddy i hadn't seen in 10 years heading to atlantic city. I was a bit of a blackout drinker towards the end and it got so bad, i'd video myself or leave myself notes on the night before so i didn't have to feel the horror of not knowig what the hell happened.

I don't wish that on anyone. I hope you feel better soon.

Consider quitting entirely, rather than limiting your intake, or these episodes will probably continue to get worse.

You could, however, see your doctor to ease your mind about any health risks from an unplanned encounter. You wouldn't necessarily have to reveal every detail.

Hi,

Blackouts and excessive anxiety/remorse after drinking are both recognised signs of problem drinking and, potentially, alcoholism.

I don't know of any way to prevent blackouts or excessive/remorse following drinking. If I did I wouldn't be here :)

I guess you could continue to try controlled drinking and accept the consequences or you could consider quitting for good. That's all the advice I have!

P

I'd also suggest you quit drinking entirely. Once you cross the line of losing control there is no going back, no matter how hard you try to "moderate" your drinking. We all hoped that wasn't the case of course, but in the end there's no way to "reason" our way out of accepting out addiction.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and blackout drinking is a sure sign of it. Are you ready to get sober?

"Could someone please give me advice and help me to stop thinking such irrational thoughts?"

id suggest to start by not rationalizing that " limiting my alcohol intake " is part of the recovery process.

then look into a recovery plan/program.

I still find it amazing that since I got sober-100% abstinent, that I haven't had to wake up/pass in the morning after full of fear and anxiety of what my actions might have been the night before.

If you don't remember it just let it go. Chances are he knew you was a rambling drunk girl and had no interest. You probably walked into your apartment and went to the bathroom and just got rid of the clothes around your ankles because you couldn't walk lol. It happens.

You are going to run into trouble at bars if you keep this up. You'll either start getting banned from bars or run into some real trouble meeting the wrong person.

Its bad enough for a sober person to be surrounded by a bunch of drunks in a bar let alone a drunk women who has no control over herself.

I drank at home in my latter time as a drinker so I could avoid issues. I did my thing with online friends and avoided dui's and bar problems.

What you really need to do it lay off the booze. Once a blackout artist you always will be! One or 6 is not enough. We need 12 or whatever it takes to basically go to sleep while we're awake.