Just opening up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 10
Just opening up
I registered a couple of days ago but I've always struggled with integrating groups and communities.
I've been journaling almost daily for a while, so I thought sharing some of the recent parts addressing my struggle with alcohol could be a great start.
I didn't include everything because I don't want to scare people away with an insanely huge post, lol.
Of course I removed any name, it's super abridged and tried to keep it as relevant as possible.
It's a translation so my excuses if the level of english isn’t exactly up to standards
Here we go !
I've been journaling almost daily for a while, so I thought sharing some of the recent parts addressing my struggle with alcohol could be a great start.
I didn't include everything because I don't want to scare people away with an insanely huge post, lol.
Of course I removed any name, it's super abridged and tried to keep it as relevant as possible.
It's a translation so my excuses if the level of english isn’t exactly up to standards
Here we go !
February 8, 2017, 5:15 pm
As for yesterday's hangover; I woke up, and I made all the bottles disappear before my brother could see them.
I thoroughly brushed my teeth, drank a bit of water, took a long shower, came back to life, drank a bit of water again and then started my day as if nothing happened.
Besides, my brother hasn’t noticed anything, so he knows nothing about it.
As for yesterday's hangover; I woke up, and I made all the bottles disappear before my brother could see them.
I thoroughly brushed my teeth, drank a bit of water, took a long shower, came back to life, drank a bit of water again and then started my day as if nothing happened.
Besides, my brother hasn’t noticed anything, so he knows nothing about it.
February 9, 9h17am
Drinking on the 6th and 7th wasn't a good decision. I can’t be careless like that. There. I said it.
The worst part is that there’s a part of me who’s still really happy I did it because I was finally able to vacate my own mind and unwind.
I know I can’t rely on this, I know I shouldn’t act on those thoughts.
But it’s there anyway.
I know I can find other things but nothing works like alcohol does, nothing makes me feel as good as alcohol does.
Therefore, the temptation remains and sometimes becomes much harder to ignore.
My mind knows what I should and shouldn’t do, but my instinct doesn’t get it.
Drinking on the 6th and 7th wasn't a good decision. I can’t be careless like that. There. I said it.
The worst part is that there’s a part of me who’s still really happy I did it because I was finally able to vacate my own mind and unwind.
I know I can’t rely on this, I know I shouldn’t act on those thoughts.
But it’s there anyway.
I know I can find other things but nothing works like alcohol does, nothing makes me feel as good as alcohol does.
Therefore, the temptation remains and sometimes becomes much harder to ignore.
My mind knows what I should and shouldn’t do, but my instinct doesn’t get it.
February 11, 2017, 6h41am
I had so much trouble distracting my mind from the urge to drink when I started my day at noon, that I just ate and went straight back to bed.
The bottle of rum especially kills me, it’s tempting me so much more since I've already drank some of it.
If it would’ve happened to be mine, it would be empty by now.
Also, I have to write that I often think of going back to buy alcohol with the money I have left. Or of having a drink with someone, or of throwing another party.
But it doesn’t mean that I’ll do it. I know I shouldn’t, so I contain myself.
I had so much trouble distracting my mind from the urge to drink when I started my day at noon, that I just ate and went straight back to bed.
The bottle of rum especially kills me, it’s tempting me so much more since I've already drank some of it.
If it would’ve happened to be mine, it would be empty by now.
Also, I have to write that I often think of going back to buy alcohol with the money I have left. Or of having a drink with someone, or of throwing another party.
But it doesn’t mean that I’ll do it. I know I shouldn’t, so I contain myself.
February 12, 2017, 5:02am
I went to buy usual stuff today but I took the wrong card by accident so I was forced to use my own instead.
That somehow frustrates me very deeply, because the money I spend on things like these can’t be spent on alcohol later if I decide to drink.
I told myself I wouldn’t, I did! However seeing the possibility slowly fading away still upsets me a lot.
I went to buy usual stuff today but I took the wrong card by accident so I was forced to use my own instead.
That somehow frustrates me very deeply, because the money I spend on things like these can’t be spent on alcohol later if I decide to drink.
I told myself I wouldn’t, I did! However seeing the possibility slowly fading away still upsets me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 973
I recently went back and read my journal from a year ago and it reads much the same as yours. "I drink too much, I should stop, I want a drink."
I came to SR last April, joined the May class, and with the support of others found the courage and motivation to put the bottle down. Knowing I was among others who shared in my struggles; reading of their victories, downfalls, and gleaning some good ole fashioned sage advice kept me heading in the right direction. Mine is not a spotless journey....but I am sober and my journal entries these days contain much more living than they used to. Keep posting, keep journaling, and remember it's one day at a time. One hour at a time if necessary.
Pleased to have you with us!
I came to SR last April, joined the May class, and with the support of others found the courage and motivation to put the bottle down. Knowing I was among others who shared in my struggles; reading of their victories, downfalls, and gleaning some good ole fashioned sage advice kept me heading in the right direction. Mine is not a spotless journey....but I am sober and my journal entries these days contain much more living than they used to. Keep posting, keep journaling, and remember it's one day at a time. One hour at a time if necessary.
Pleased to have you with us!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
Originally Posted by UnoriginalUser2 
I have no idea where to start my recovery
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
I second Dee's thoughts!
Congrats and welcome. ..it's hard to open up
I definitely agree though taking concrete steps, taking action of some kind will always give us a much better grounding than reading, writing and thinking.
Planning a journey might start with a guidebook and itinerary but sooner or later it takes a physical step in to the unknown
P
Congrats and welcome. ..it's hard to open up
I definitely agree though taking concrete steps, taking action of some kind will always give us a much better grounding than reading, writing and thinking.
Planning a journey might start with a guidebook and itinerary but sooner or later it takes a physical step in to the unknown
P
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