Thoughts on Moderation
 

This topic has come up quite a bit lately, and while I feel I am way to early in my sobriety to give advice. I do feel that I'm early enough in it to give some perspective on this subject.

I tried to moderate for the better part of 5 years. I failed every time. Since this topic has come up so often lately, I have been thinking about why it failed for me.

The one realization I came to is that having to moderate yourself is a sign of your/my problem. Your "average" drinker may drink in moderation but the don't actively do it. They have one or two and stop because they don't want any more.

That is where we will always fail because even if we achieve one or two we really want 10, and eventually instead of 2 we have 3. Then 3 becomes 4 then 5 and so on. It took me years to finally realize that I would never be able to achieve moderate drinking because I was different. It is hard to accept being different. It was for me anyway, but it was a big step in me realizing what/who I am, an alcoholic.

Well those are my thoughts on the subject. Hopefully others will add their thoughts here.

Yup, normal moderate drinkers don't count drinks, they just stop early because they don't want any more. They're not after some level of buzz, they just like the taste now and then with certain foods, or like a little "glow", or they look at it as a sign of celebration. For the rest of us, even if we succeed in maintaining a moderate level of drinking, we're fighting the urge to drink 10 instead of 2. That's a lot of work, it's soooo much easier to just stay at 0 forever. ;)

I agree
 

Im new to this site and literally just wrote about the subject of moderation this morning. Im a really good " moderater" when out to dinner with my husband, but the moment you put me in a crowd and alcohol is flowing....I have no off button and either end up fighting with husband or seriously embarrasing him and myself......so its all or nothing and if I wanna be a better person a HEALTHY person its gotta be none, which can be so damn hard.

I agree and had the same experience. I do many things in my life moderately and that is just how it comes naturally and effortlessly, no desire for more and no need to even question my motives and to apply forceful self control. Drinking is one of the things where not even all the good will and planning in the world will work so it's simply much easier to abstain completely. Plus, having 1-2-3 drinks has no appeal for me whatsoever. Just like the way I do many things moderately for the pleasure, I do think that many normal, moderate drinkers also do it for the buzz and the psychoactive effects but they don't expand it to being totally wasted and don't want to experience it all the time.

I agree. For me it is easier and far healthier to have none.

It was like going to battle every time I drank. I honestly would go as far as to time my beers out to minutes so my last one would be right before I went to bed.

If that's not a sign of a problem I don't know what is.

That is a very important first step. Powerless over alcohol.

Lots of good points here and great insight LJC. People who can moderate their drinking don't even know they are doing so...they just do it. It's also my opinion that if you have to consciously make any attempt to control or moderate your drinking, you already have a problem.

That's a great point. This is like me and sweets. I like sweets but a few cookies or a little ice cream is enough. I don't say only 3 cookies it just happens that way naturally but for others it does not

If I could moderate my drinking I wouldn't be an alcoholic!!! I can not drink today but if I pick up a drink I can't stop and have no control over the quantity and what happens.

What NYC said. I tried to moderate for years. It wasn't until I accepted that I couldn't drink normally that things got better. I can't and no longer want to drink alcohol. The end.

I never mind seeing these "moderation" threads crop up because I think that initially, at least, part of the Addictive Voice for every alcoholic is the thought in the back of the mind that goes something like, "Whew, I'll be glad when I get past this 'addiction' thing so I can go back to enjoying a nice glass of wine like a normal person."

It's so terribly difficult for most of us to fully grasp the concept that there is no going back to moderate drinking. Ever. I know it was difficult for me. Even after acknowledging to myself that I was an alcoholic, I kept trying for 7-1/2 years to "moderate," with the predictable results.

Yeah I don't mind them either. I thought it would be good to have a thread that took the opposite approach to the standard moderation thread.

Any time I see moderation in a topic thread, a voice in my head screams NO. NO. NO. NO!!! As the above have said, it's just the addictive voice trying to rationalize more drinking. For an alcoholic (which, let's face it, anyone who is on these boards more than likely has a problem with alcohol), moderation does not exist.

I think it is a MAJOR difference between moderate (cut back) your drinking on your way to sobriety, or if you try to moderate after periods of sobriety. In other words: Going from full blown addictive beahviour to moderation is a step forward, once sober, its a step backwards. No doubt about this: sobriety is the ultimative (and only) goal.

Moderation helped me big time. Here is why: On may ways to sobriety I was just not “strong” enough to stop it all of a sudden so I cut back step by step, really deconstructed my alcoholic behavior in a proactive way. I just drank as much – a minimal effective dose, so to speak – I needed to numb myself or get in certain emotional state. Before, I would “just drink”. What also turned out to be useful during that phase of moderate drinking, was, that I learned, what the reason behind my drinking was. Of course, I had to differentiate from the moments of pure addictional behavior.

Then, after learning to moderate (emotionally) over the course of 18 month, I was able to - after two attempts (learning lessons) of each three weeks- to stay sober and be happy for now 6 month, going strong.

So, IMO it it might be not useful to generalize the verdict on moderation. It helped me. But yes, I agree, moderation wont work once sober. It wouldn't work for me NOW, but it has worked as a pre-phase towards sobriety. And it may work in that context only for specific types of alcoholics, not the chronic alcoholics, nor the phase out drinkers, but those with emphasis on emotional addiction.

Unfortunately I was not even able to do that Thom. If I could have 'cut back' I would have.

D

Yeah, me neither. One drink, and all plans were out the window, delayed until next time. And the next time was the same. That went on for years. Eventually it became clear that it was the alcohol itself that was the problem, and the only solution was to stop completely, but not until I had accumulated a pile of negative consequences.

Well, Dee, glad to see you manging sobriety so well, just walking on a different path. I had it the other way round: unfortunately I was not able to stop completely, if I could,I would have.

Just to explain it a little better: I have not perceived his cutting back thing as a step towards a normal drinking bahviour, never. Accepting and being aware of this, it was the key for me to be able to cut back. It was still highly addictive drinking. I just tried to make the alcohol quantity efficient as possible (minimizing), i would still drink each and every day. But the space / time gained I used to redirect myself and learn.

At that time I had a flashcard box, one for each trigger, emotional feeling, habit loop, and target behavior listed. Simplified, I then took it "card by card" with lots of failure, but never gave up. That may sound structured and organized, but in fact it was more out of weakness of an addict learning by taking manageble baby steps. I made myself clear as often as possible that this cutting back thing is no glory achievement, but a phase of crawling out of the rut, by clawing my nails into the dirt - with many (expected) slides backwards. Only in the retroperspective it made all that sense to me and the benfits of this ways have become obvious to me with specific personality and way.

I understand that we all have different paths Thom :)

My explaining that your path didn't and couldn't work for me shouldn't diminish your success, or vice versa.

Congrats on 6 months :)

thanks :)

D

"Total abstinence is easier to maintain than perfect moderation "......enough said.

Moderation is buying a six pack and not a case.