Stellar45

Hello all. I gave up 84 days of sobriety. My car hit a rock and I was sober at the time. Because I did not have transportation I missed 2 weeks of meetings. It seemed to be going so well in my life till that incident. Coincidentally my wife ended up in the hospital. Doctors are.talking of.a heart transplant. I have binged for the past week. I now see I.need.to quit. I need to forgive myself first but it seems hard to do. Can anybody out there relate?

Bunny211

Yup.
For a long time I would get a month or two sober and then life would come hurling at me and I would drink again.
Do you have a sponsor? Working the steps? Finding a sponsor and beginning the steps ASAP this time around is what saved my behind. Now, no matter what life throws at me, I don't have to drink over it.
I'm praying for you and your wife. Forgive yourself, call central service and see if they can have someone pick you up for a meeting.

big hugs to you.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Stellar and very sorry to hear about your accident and your wife's medical issues. I just went through a major heart/health scare with my mother who spent a couple weeks in the hospital so I can somewhat relate to the feelings of helplessness/fear associated.

Of course the best thing you can do to help is to be sober for yourself and her in this time. Forgiving yourself will come in time but quitting drinking is the very highest priority item you need to attend to now. Can you call your sponsor or someone else in your home group to see if they could pick you up for a ride to a meeting? I'm sure they will be happy to help and are wondering where you've been.

You can always reach out here too, any time of the day or night.

RecklessEric

Stellar, that is a rough time you are going through.
I can relate to drinking during a hard time but can honestly tell you that it makes things seriously worse.
You have enough to worry about without continued drinking and all the horror that brings.

I don't do AA but I find SR an amazing resource when I need to reach out.

fini

I need to forgive myself first but it seems hard to do.

hey Stellar,
tough spot you're in.
but stipulating you need to forgive yourself first is a plan to keep drinking.
there is nothing that needs doing 'first' in order to quit.

good to see you reaching out.

Stellar45

I love you guys Forgiving myself in the past has always led to sobriety. I haven't been able to put in more than 104 days in the last 4 years. Just hate pulling the roof down on myself when things start going good. I will need to see why I am doing that. I seem to put 3 to almost 4 months multiple times. Hope to hear more from you.

fini

so.......when things start going good....you stop doing the stuff that got things to be going good, is that it?

SnazzyDresser

I can relate, Stellar. I recently broke a 7 month sober streak with a January bender, was dead drunk for 29 of its 31 days. Got my mind right and got back on track, will be 9 days sober in about 24 minutes here. You can get back on track too, start now.

MsCooterBrown

Stellar...as you can see I have been a member of SR since 2010. Sober for a long time. Friends at work wanted to meet up at the club. I did the logic of well yeah...I can have just one. I have gone this long. I can't even tell you when my decent back into drunken hell started over. All I know is I finally pulled myself together and got back on SR. I will NOT leave again. Post often. Read all you can. Lots of people with the common goal of ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. We can do this. Glad you are here. I too...will be on my 9th day in 50 minutes my time. MST I think. I don't understand all the time changes but it is 11:10pm right now my time! HA! Sleep well.

Gottalife

Forgiving yourself in the past has lead to temporary sobriety. I think what Fini is driving at, and I agree, is that a shift of priorities might be required for permanent recovery. Two weeks without meetings ought not lead to a drink if we have an effective program of action in our daily lives.

Stellar45

You are right Fini and Gottalife. At the time of the accident I had been working at a restaurant. My job was 29 miles away and my co workers were giving me rides to and from. However they were frequent drinkers after work and would also smoke pot on the drive home.It was a unhealthy situation as I was addicted to Marijuana. I seriously did not think of taking a drink in those 84 days. But I also was devastated when the accident happened. Maybe I was over reliant on the meetings for my sobriety.I don't know. But I did open up about what happened with my former sponsor.when the fog starts to lift We plan on putting pen to paper and go through the big book again. I have honestly havent done 4 through 12 in over 10 years. Maybe it is time. My Sponsor has over 18 years of sobriety. Thank you all for your prayers and concern.

Stellar45

Just wanted to add that I once was addicted to Marijuana for over 10 years but never smoked with those co workers on the drive home. One girl almost killed us after smoking a joint and drinking a 9.5 percent beer. She drove off the road and nearly ran into the canyon wall.
Seriously scary stuff.

.

waynetheking

Stellar I think you have the desire to stop drinking but where's the commitment?
If I hit a rock with my car is get the car fixed, I don't destroy myself with alcoholism. If my wife has a serious medical condition I support her, not go loose my sanity over it. All I'm saying is, don't let this disease make poor decisions for you. You will loose every time my friend. Keep trying and get committed to sobriety. It's the only constant you have. Sounds like you need that.

Stellar45

If I had the money to get the car fixed it would have been done asap. I had to wait to get enough money. It took 2 weeks of saving and borrowing. Going to meetings were the only way I knew to get and stay sober. I think this time I will need more than that.

darkling

Why didn't you call someone who goes to the same meetings and ask for a ride?

I don't drive at all, but I get to 4 meetings a week.

Done4today

Welcome back Stellar, no need to beat yourself up the booze does that so well. Never give up!

fini

Going to meetings were the only way I knew to get and stay sober. I think this time I will need more than that.

yes; it is helpful to have found that out.

SoberCAH

For me, AA has been the answer.

I haven't had a drink since I stepped into a treatment center and they introduced me to AA.

Stellar45

Its truly sad but I only had 1 phone number from 1 person from the meeting that helped me the most. I intend on changing that. Thank you all.

darkling

oh nooo!
Here, we pass around a meeting schedule and people who are willing to get calls put their name and number down. Usually just for newcomers, but I passed one around for myself at all the meetings when I first moved here. I love cell phones! Makes it easy to not lose someone's number! When I really connect with what someone shares, I ask them for their number after the meeting.

There's been times that I couldn't get ahold of anyone - middle of the night, holidays, whatever - and I've called the 24/7 intergroup number and got connected with someone. I've also called the crisis line before, even tho they're not alcoholism-specific, it still got me connected with another human being.

Then, there's this forum! The fact that it's world-wide means there's just about always someone here.

I'm rootin' for you!