Unlce passed from this disease

Old 02-06-2017, 06:30 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Splash29's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 155
Unlce passed from this disease

I'm still in shock. I hadn't seen my uncle in years since he lived far away and my whole family new he struggled with this disease. But over the weekend I found out he passed from cirrhosis of the liver. He was in his 50s. Younger than my parents! !! I am heartbroken the most, because he was dead for at least a day before his boss sent the police to check on him. I'm so upset that he died alone from this terrible disease. The 2nd person just in my family.

He I believe died the same day I picked up my 30 day chip (this Saturday). I'm just heartbroken that maybe I could have reached out to him. Could have done SOMETHING.

I'm also dishearten by the way my family is acting. This is the 2nd death from alcoholism in my family and they just doesn't SEE! Doesn't SEE how this is a dangerous disease and they are drinking everyday still. I don't want my parents to be next! Just because my uncle drank at 9AM and they drink at 5PM doesn't make it better!!!!!! I want to shake them. Shake my mother and tell her to stop drinking every night --- that this could have been her!!!!!!

But my family is just making excuses. "He drank hard liquor" "he struggled with drugs in his youth". Just the blanket of excuses to misdirect the fact that they are all drinking everyday just like HIM. And now he is dead and I can never see my uncle again.

I just don't want more family members to die from this stupid disease. I don't want my parents to die and they are older and drinking everyday. I was crying so hard when my parents told me about my uncles death and they didn't understand why. And I just was crying because the struggle with hell my uncle must have went through and I was crying because I DON'T want my parents to be next. But I don't know how to tell them...They are in denial.

I didn't drink for 3 years before my relapse and now I'm not drink again. I hope I can live be example, but I just don't want anyone else to die, but I also know I can't just tell them to stop!
Splash29 is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 06:37 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
MsCooterBrown's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
So sorry for your loss.
As frustrated as you one can make anyone stop drinking. You see the history of addiction in your family and you are striving to make yourself remain sober. Setting this example is excellent. Keep moving forward. And don't beat yourself up. Addiction is one of those deals where it is every man for himself. Peace to you.
MsCooterBrown is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 07:33 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
ScottFromWI's Avatar
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry for your loss SS. The best thing you can do is to not drink yourself...and by setting that example you may be able to show others how important it really to you.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 07:41 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
aasharon90's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 14,317
I'm sorry to hear that your Uncle passed
away from this disease that affects many
many folks today.

In recovery we learn that we have no
control on people places and things. I
had to learn about acceptance of them
just they way they are at any given moment.

I can explain and warn and try to control,
make folks listen, raise my voice, threaten,
what ever have you and it still wont control
the situation cause they are their own person
and no one can force them to listen or quit
if they don't want to. If they are not ready to.

All I am responsible for is my own recovery.
My own life and the outcome of it by applying
a program of recovery taught to me in my every
day affairs.

I tried for so many yrs to explain my addiction
and recovery to family who either have no addiction
problems themselves, not alcoholics, till I was
blue in the face and who was more stress out
in trying to make them understand? Me. Only

So when I got sick and tired of trying to explain
and trying to make them understand me, I quit
and accepted that they are who they are and I
have no place in trying to change who they are
and focus on just me, my recovery/sobriety.

Surrendering that fact has become a more
freeing experience and allows me to stay
serene and peaceful inside and out.

You can too.
aasharon90 is online now  
Old 02-06-2017, 07:47 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
PhoenixJ's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 26,779
Prayers to you all
PhoenixJ is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 08:03 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
paulokes's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Sorry for your loss.

As for wether you could have done something...I think it's particularly difficult with family.

I lost an uncle 3/4 years ago who had struggled for years. I think his death was pretty gruesome and directly linked to a drinking binge. His daughter asked me several times to speak to him.

I'd met with him a few times anyway, the fact I wasn't drinking anymore came up and he was curious. Spoke as if he'd already done his own 'research' and come to his own conclusions so to speak. I even had a copy of the AA big book on me once (by coincidence), he saw it in my bag and asked.

At the end of the day I did the only thing I sober and be available as someone to talk to. That wasn't enough because the other 50% had to come from him.

Take care congrats on your sobriety

paulokes is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 08:06 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
paulokes's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
^ Oh...Irish Catholic family btw. We've lost two now directly to alcoholism but that's not mentioned. Family even asked coroner not to disclose toxicology reports AFAIK.

paulokes is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 08:14 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Algorithm's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by SulfuricSplash View Post
I didn't drink for 3 years before my relapse and now I'm not drink again. I hope I can live be example, but I just don't want anyone else to die, but I also know I can't just tell them to stop!
I'm sorry for your loss.

You certainly can suggest to them to stop, given this family history, but always make sure that you keep yourself safe first. You can't save anyone else until you have saved yourself.
Algorithm is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 08:16 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
biminiblue's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 24,186
I'm really sorry SS. It's so hard to realize that people are out of our control.

You'll make it through this, and I hope you stay sober through it.
biminiblue is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 11:32 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
MsCooterBrown's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Each time some one gets gives hope to another who may be struggling. Leading by example is the prime meaning of Actions Speak Louder Than Words. I don't believe you can talk anyone into getting sober.
MsCooterBrown is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 11:43 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Cara39's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Sorry for your loss SS
Cara39 is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 12:38 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
NYCDoglvr's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,263
Untreated alcoholism leads to jails, institutions and death. It is a progressive disease. My sister-in-law's brother died homeless at 40 of the disease a few weeks ago. A close friend's brother died of suicide. These stories help me stay vigilant and go to any lengths to stay sober.
NYCDoglvr is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 12:48 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Maudcat's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Guard your sobriety. Be an example of sober living. That's a good thing all around. As we know, no one can stop anyone else from drinking. It's up to them. Peace.
Maudcat is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 03:33 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 258
I'm so sorry.. I'm dealing with my 58 yr old uncle right now. Trying my best to coax him into a better life without alcohol. Even though I'm not sober myself yet he knows what I've been through and he sounds like he wants a little guidance. He is totally clueless. He lives 4 hours away so I don't get to visit but we talk everyday now. He sounds better. I'm not judgmental. I just try to help. Telling him that there are "men's" AA meetings, so he doesn't have any distractions. We can only help ourselves, but we can try to help others as best we can. But ultimately we are on our own.
My father died at 48 of alcoholism. Please don't feel guilty.
Sending prayers..
Marissa41 is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 03:35 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
SoberLeigh's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 118,600
I am so sorry for your loss, SulphuricSplash.

Honor your uncle, but most importantly yourself, by maintaining your sobriety and recovery.

Again, I am so sorry.
SoberLeigh is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 03:50 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Gottalife's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Thailand
Posts: 6,594
I can sympathise. I lost one cousin a few years back and her sister is about to join her any day. Then there is my mother and sister. My mother in particular really went off the rails when I got sober. She has been in alcohell a long long time. The only reason she hasn't died is that God doesn't want the aggravation.

But you never know what God is going to do. I sat in a meeting a few weeks back where a woman celebrated 30 years. With her were her daughter, and grand daughter, both with long term recovery. Three generations recovered, absolutely miraculous. I wish the same for you and your family.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 02-06-2017, 04:07 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,664
I'm sorry for your loss.

Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-07-2017, 02:52 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
FBL's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,064
Sorry for your loss. Goes to show that this addiction kills.

I'm pretty sure I'd be dead by now if I hadn't stopped when I did.
FBL is online now  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:06 PM.