Ivp5

Hi, I am new to this thread and have been sober for over 3 yrs. My question is, how do you still have fun? I go to Christmas parties, and or any other outing and just don't seem to be able to be myself or have fun. Everything seems boring when everyone else is having fun.

steve-in-kville

When I drank and went to parties, I made a fool out of myself and didn't even remember doing it. I think I like sober better.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR lvp and congrats on getting sober. Yes, it's possible to have "fun" without drinking. Its pretty common to feel like you are feeling now, but what your mind/addiction is trying to do is trick you into thinking that drunk=fun. And because of that we try to continue activities we did before just without alcohol sometimes. And to no surprise, if you hang out with other drinkers it's going to be pretty boring.

Have you tried reaching out to the recovery community locally? It's a great place to meet new people and learn new things. Joining a gym or a church group or volunteer organization are just a few more of many options. What you will find is that alcohol actually holds you back and limits your options, you are now free to choose from almost any activity you want.

Doug39

I can identify with this because my wife still drinks everyday as do most of my friends.

I still do the same things but I don't drink. I do get bored and irritated when everyone else is getting wasted and seem to be having fun.

I guess the answer is to make new friends or get joy out of life being sober.

Clean30

I think sobriety is the way God intended man to live, it is a gift to think clear and straight.

On the other hand drunkenness is carelessness and confused thoughts,

...and God is not the author of confusion.

August252015

I find that my social circle is big enough to have enough people I want, and only people I want in it. I don't like going to big parties and prefer one on one or just a few people- dinners and lunches. My bf and I do a lot of stuff we wouldn't have done while drinking - we run a 5K each month (in 2017- we actually did our first in Dec) - we do things in town like ride the ferris wheel and go to the Aquarium....we go to AA meetings....we cook diner in and eat out at restaurants we enjoy....we deliver meals and groceries for a charity long close to my heart....

What are your interests? What have you been doing in the three years you've been sober, which is awesome? Volunteer?

Being sober gives me a chance to do....anything.

BrendaChenowyth

What, besides drinking, are people doing at these parties? A lot of parties, frankly, are just people standing around getting drunk. To me that's not fun.

I'm really asking. What are the other activities the party revolves around?
Food, music, sports, games, shared interests of some kind other than alcohol?

BrendaChenowyth

Surely in three years you have moved on and acquired other interests and hobbies. It's not that you're bored in general, right?

Partying is not going to be fun when you're not.. well... partying. Even non-alcoholics outgrow the need to go out and act wild at a certain point. There's other worthwhile stuff to do with friends.

You could try having conversations with people, but if you were generally interested in them, you would. It's hard to sustain a conversation that is a few sentences back and forth before the other person excuses himself to go grab another cold one. That's more important.

Doug39

I believe in this statement.

I will never actually know the damage I did to my mind and body and what great things I could have accomplished if I didn't waste 27 years of my life getting drunk everyday.

But we must move forward and stay sober.

steve-in-kville

I don't have 27 years but I have a solid 10 - 15. My biggest regrets are the opportunities wasted in relating to my oldest children. I really don't have the best relationship because I was basically hosed all the time. Granted, I am working at rebuilding that, but it won't be the same.

Gottalife

My thinking during my drinking years was that life should be one long party, fun fun, fun. Me enjoying my self. I thought that was what life was all about. Rather self centred wasn't I?

That thinking persisted for a while in sobriety until the program began to work its magic. Then I learned that real satisfaction in life is more about what I contribute than wha t I can take.

Doug39

This was me too.

When I was in my mid 20's I started drinking heavily everyday and was out at the bars and parties every single night. I was so reckless and over did it with booze, gambling, food, and women. I lived like every day was going to be my last. I ran up a mountain of debt and was out to take what I wanted out of life by any means possible.

As I aged the booze turned on me and left me a depressed, anxious, confused mental, physical and emotional wreck.

What a waste of 27 years. But it is over and done. Time to move forward.

NYCDoglvr

One of the harder emotions I had to deal with in sobriety was boredom. Not once did I ever equate drinking with having fun, it was a miserable depressing feeling. What made the difference was reaching out to new people, planning outings and discovering who I am as a person.

SnazzyDresser

Alcohol abuse changes us, changes our brains over time. The idea that the only way to have fun is to be drunk is a lie that our alcohol-damaged bodies tell us. Once we stop drinking, we start on the road to what's real and true. Fun is all around, and so is responsibility, pride, and other good things.

Gottalife

To start with it was fun. That sense of ease and confort, the ability to be larger than life. The it wasn't fun but I hung on to the delusion that it could be fun if I just got it right this time. I never had any other intention than to have a good time when I picked up the fatal first drink. It took a long time to sink in that I was delusional.

CLAS

When I was in my mid 20's I started drinking heavily everyday and was out at the bars and parties every single night. I was so reckless and over did it with booze, gambling, food, and women. I lived like every day was going to be my last. I ran up a mountain of debt and was out to take what I wanted out of life by any means possible.

Wow Doug39 I feel like you wrote my story. Exact same thing for me.

Doug39

Yes, once I got into the habit of daily drinking I felt like I finally found myself and was finally whole.

I fooled myself into believing that it was my destiny to be a heavy drinker because I had alcoholics in my family history. I figured it was ingrained into my genetic makeup and without the booze I could never live a complete happy life.

It is crazy how alcohol can twist your mind.

tomsteve

I had to learn how to enjoy contributing- quite a feat for a self centered egomaniac,eh?

I had to learn how to have fun without alcohol. wasn't just a one and done thing- many things I did over and over before deciding iffen I enjoyed it.

tomsteve

yup,the giggles were gone.
I asked my sponsor once why in the heck I didn't notice the giggles were gone long before I got sober.
"because you crossed the line into fullblown alcoholism and became ******* crazy. ******* crazy people don't or won't see anything unless it resembles ******* crazy. laughin and having fun isn't ******* crazy."

HUH!!!

soberlicious

Examine what you are thinking when you feel like this. Are you thinking that conversation isn't coming easily to you? Are you focused on the fact that you are not drinking? Do you engage others or do you wait for them to engage you? Are you self conscious because you think you should be "some other way" than you are and you don't know how to do that?

Some people are more introverted, and while they can easily engaged others, it's not where they draw their energy. Not everyone sees parties and gatherings as "fun". What activities bring you contentedness and joy?