steve-in-kville

Now that I have your attention, I have a serious adult question. I choose to post this here instead of the Men's Forum as I welcome feedback from the ladies as well. So here goes...

Those of us that found sobriety know that many changes happen in our bodies. One of those is our sex drive. For most, it kinda flattens out a bit in the weeks following sobering up. But my question is, does it ever come back?

Longest I was sober was about 3 months. I basically lost my drive completely for about two weeks (wife started to wonder). It came back eventually, but was different (not even sure how to describe it).

This happened before some years ago when I was on Lexapro for my depression. Then it all disappeared for a few months! That was scary.

So, both guys and gals, I welcome any helpful feedback on this topic.

entropy1964

Hahaha. I didn't even catch the meaning of the thread until I read it. Shows you where MY sex drive is. But that's a choice. I'm in hibernation.

I believe that alcoolism messes with hormone levels so that might be part of the challenge. I would think if you are otherwise healthy things will level out. There's also the psychological factor....no liquid to lower inhibitions?

I think what you're going through is really normal. But you can always ask your doc about it.

steve-in-kville

Now that made me laugh!

Aellyce

I am female. My sex drive was quite dulled (and sometimes lost especially when I was depressed) when I was drinking heavily and resolved very quickly after quitting. I never had any real problem with it except for a few months when I was also on Lexapro (and another drug) last year, not really with the sex drive per se but the ability to climax. I stopped the meds and no problem again.
So for me, if anything ever affected sex negatively, it was drinking alcoholically. It's not something I tend to have issues with otherwise (inhibitions and others) so I do believe it was the physiological effects of the alcohol that killed it and it bounced back quite easily.

Doug39

I am a 53 year old man and my equipment isn't what it used to be.

I am on anti-depressants, I am older now and wiser (and married) so I don't see women as sex objects like I did when I was a horny kid.

I am more about quality relationships now.

When I was a young man I used to always say that if something happened to me like an accident or something and I couldn't have sex anymore I would kill myself. Now to be honest, if I never have sex again I wouldn't care.

Not sure if that answers your question but this is what I have to say.

BrendaChenowyth

I'm just glad I'm single. It hasn't happened for me in two years and I really don't give a damn.

ScottFromWI

Lots of different factors possibly at play Steve - both emotional and physical. I think you'll find that the answer to your question is that yes, it can come back but just quitting drinking isn't the only factor. If it becomes a problem, seeing a therapist or your doctor is probably the next step.

steve-in-kville

I should clarify... I'm not currently having a problem. Its just different. And I'm not exactly 17 anymore. The above mentioned hormones sound like a good explanation.

As we often say here on SR, we've soaked our bodies in booze for so long, its gonna take times to re-balance once sober.

August252015

My boyfriend and I have dealt with some of these things on both sides. The key for us has been communication and kindness with whatever the "thing" is and remembering this is the first time each of us has had a serious relationship SOBER since our 20s.

My bf has communicated what Steve said about things working, just being different. I am learning to be more specific and verbal about what I need bc he worries about making me happy....our sex life is good and our intimacy level is emotionally sky high so the physical part .... I guess we are treating it like a fun exploration and learning process.

Side note- we both take meds and mine aren't optional so I don't know if my drive would be different (it's pretty high I guess) and his is probavly a short term snider depressant so there could be changes as we go along.

NewRomanMan

Thru the roof libido for me. It just hit me when I turned 40, even tho I was still drinking then. It's never let up now. Drunk or sober. Although at least in recovery now I'm learning how to set it aside and not let it overwhelm me and make me do something I might regret later.

Maudcat

Vibrators can be helpful.

steve-in-kville

Thanks for the tip...

Maudcat

Don't mention it.

starstarstar

You'll be fine, your autonomic nervous system is just out of whack.

Marissa41

I've been married 25 years and my husband had a problem after 3 years of marriage and I questioned it. But it wasn't because he was running around, it was just anxiety and stress. It only lasted a little while. It will be ok. But if you're concerned for too long please see a doctor. :-)

Forward12

For me it was the opposite, at least when i got older. When I was in my 20's, I was good to go hammered or not. Once I hit my 30's, I had a ton of difficulty even getting aroused, and rarely finished if I had been drinking. If I was sober, no problems.
Though on the ssri's, that is one of the worst side effects is sexual dysfunction issues.

steve-in-kville

That lexapro I was on.... I could get the gun loaded and cocked. Just wouldn't fire.

(heh, heh)

FBL

Oscar Robertson was one hell of a basketball player! Oh wait, you meant the "other" Big O.

In my case, YES, the drive came back in spades. I'm 51 and, in that department, I mostly feel like I'm 15 again. Like just about everything else in recovery, the more time you're sober, the better it gets.

ScottFromWI

I think this subject can be addressed without the innuendos. It's an adult subject to let's discuss it as adults please.

paulokes

I don't think there has been any offence caused or intended so far

Sex drive and function changes with time...Definitely worth rembering I think that many of us were messed up for years, when we straighten out things have changed...not necessarily all because of booze.

"Intimacy" can also be a factor...Lots to think and worry about tackling this subject sober.

All in all my experience is things are fine with time and the right intentions in relationships. I've had periods of disfunction, particularly when low in mood or on meds. I've also had other difficulties but those iron out with the right person, at the right time.

P