identifying with other alcoholics
 

I don't really know why, but I've found myself binge watching intervention the last few weeks.

What's scary is that I found a youtube video of the people who they featured that didn't survive. Like a tribute video a fan had made.
So I went back and watched those episodes.

It seemed to me that every one of the alcoholic episodes they produced felt like it was my life on rewind 10 months ago. It was truly disturbing the quality of life I was willing to accept for me and my family.

I just couldn't believe it.

When I went to the dr for my check up and blood work, she asked me about the anxiety. Without missing a beat, my wife cut me off and told the doctor that i was a completely different person now. That I didn't pace around anymore, have constant anxiety attacks, verbal rants, and overall complete "D-Bag syndrome"...were her words not mine. :)

So I just listened to my wife for a few minutes describing me now.
When she was done I had tears in my eyes. Not from the shame of my past, but because I had earned her trust back and she was proud of me. That was the best gift of the new year. Well, that and my healthy physical.

So, here I was. 10 months ago, a hopeless alcoholic in the hospital with a diagnosis of severe type 2 diabetes, a weak heart, kidney damage, high liver enzymes and fluid in my belly. The dr said to my wife I wouldn't last much longer if i didn't quit.

Fast foward to me sitting in the dr office at the moment when my wife said all this to my dr. That was really cool.

I almost hate to say it, but I'm proud of myself.

Still, I know all of this can go away with one bad decision.

After being in and out for the last 20 years, I truly now understand what it means in the big book when it said:

"what we have is a daily reprieve. contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
That screams to me now...that basically, here's your death sentence. Commuted upon how hard you're willing to work in recovery....

I just wanted to write this because I'm so grateful. I feel amazing and I'm happy.

I read a lot of threads on people just getting here, still soaked in their guilt and shame and regret.

I want those people to read this and read what it's like after they crawl their way back from hell, that it gets better. It gets damn right fun at times. :)

I'm so glad I got this one last shot. :grouphug:

Great post. I can relate to alot- in Feb, so almost 11 mo ago for me, my dr gave me a year/18 mo if I didn't quit; I'd been warned of such before and gone through all kinds of horrible physical stuff, and never listened. But on Feb 22, I was DONE.

And, I can totally relate to the fact that I have a terrific life now. My boyfriend tells me often how proud he is of me and my hard work (I am an AAer, too)- and he is only a few months behind me in his sobriety (we started dating after both of us had stopped).

Keep going!! I know there continue to be good things ahead for all of us.

That is such a wonderful story of recovery and repaired relationship. Thank you for sharing. I'm having a bad day, and that has just given me all the inspiration I need to get through it!

It is okay to be proud of ourselves, we are doing hard things!

For all of us :c011: :scoregood :tyou :grouphug:

Good post and topic Bulldog777! I can only relate to alcohol abuse, so I watch those on Intervention as we have that in common. I'm 10 months sober as well and I just want to shake these people that are still in thrall to it. If you'd just sober up a few weeks, you'd have a totally different perspective on things. I was there though. I knew I was killing myself. Knew everything was declining around me. And I just would not quit. I could not fathom a life outside of alcoholism. Anyways, so ends my rant.

I also feel it's very important to stay rooted in the recovery community and hear from others to not only find a common bond/issue but also to remind myself why I'm here in the first place. For me that includes staying involved with newcomers to the recovery scene and not only trying to help, but to remember my early days in recovery.

Thanks for this thread!!! It's incredibly uplifting!! How wonderful to sit back and hear your wife describe you...YOU....not sick you, but REAL YOU. Sounds like you quit just in time and thanks again for sharing. I've made it several months in the past, but have ended up drinking again. Haven't been a daily drinker in almost 5 years, but have been a hell of a functional binge drinker (if you can imagine that)....cleverly timed when I had a day to be hungover. Really nice to hear your story and success. Hopefully I can make it there too.

Sometimes I think we have to choose if we want to be a great example of recovery working, or a great example of what happens if we don't get the help we need.

I swear to God some folks I have met take pride in the fact Alcoholism is killing them and nothing works. The message becomes "Don't be like me" :(

One of the reasons I truly believe this is an illness. Nobody deserves to be that bad example.

P

I really appreciate all of the kind words from everyone. It means a lot to me.

I just took my neighbor out to lunch. He was the guy who basically scooped me up and took me to the hospital when i was basically bed ridden the week before I got sober. He's been a really good friend to me. I try to make it a point to get together with him when ever we get the chance.

We laughed a lot at lunch, it was a good time.

I was one of those people for a long time. I'm not really sure what snapped in me that gave me that "oh shi!, i don't wanna die" moment, but I'm glad i had it.

:You_Rock_ Hang in there, and thank you for the kind words.

You're like an alcoholic paramedic to these rooms. You see on a daily basis what this illness does to people and you still actively participate because you're a mod and more importantly a hellofa person. I don't know many that could keep such a positive attitude doing your job in these rooms. :You_Rock_

I was in and out of AA for years......yet for some reason, i started really hearing what they were saying this last trip to the hospital. I guess like you i was just finally done and it was time to walk away from the bottle for good.

Thanks for an inspirational post. You shared real hope for the person who is wondering if they can ever find a way out. I found the same way out and it has been amazing, so much more than I ever could have imagined. And I can attest to the fact that it is a long term solution. All my line of sponsorship died sober, and I am still going after 36 years.

For along time now I have had all the power I need to live successfully in the world. It is just not my power:)

Thanks so much for posting such a positive message, that it's possible to completely transform your life. I'm so very grateful.

This resonates with me because my doctor just had a very simliar conversation with my wife. I'm very grateful for your success and hope to follow in your footsteps, though I'm still 9 1/2 months behind you.

hang in there. early sobriety is confusing and raw. The best advise I can give you is to keep an open mind and keep things overly simple. The biggest thing is, when you need help, ask for it.