Moth wings

Old 01-21-2017, 11:10 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
heartcore's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Thank you, darkling. I hadn't noticed, until I read your post that I've been doing the "I got this" since childhood!

I'm an only child of a drifting, alcoholic single-parent mother (now passed). I've "had this" forever. As a 9 year old, making tuna noodle casserole in a dark & lonely house, I've "had this."

And yes, if you are always the supportive one at meetings, no one is quite sure what to do with you when you admit grief or unsurity. You are outside your role. It feels weird to everyone, myself included...

But "real" is becoming far more important to me than any other value...
heartcore is offline  
Old 01-21-2017, 11:15 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
heartcore's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Phoenix. I don't think the moth remembers. I think it just becomes. I wish that for all of us.

Cocoon & become. Magic.

& a whole bunch of us are torched in the porch light, but where do the rest go? I don't really know the story of brave & vulnerable moths!! It is a mystery!
heartcore is offline  
Old 01-21-2017, 11:25 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
heartcore's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Maybe toward the moon.

I once saw a bunch of people standing in the surf in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, holding bright lights in the middle of the night. Turns out that the lights of the many giant hotels & condos on the beach led baby turtles toward them, & then they would become stranded on the beach & die, led by instinct in the wrong direction.

So these dedicated volunteers stood in the water shining brighter lights, so that the baby turtles would head in the right direction - toward life.

That's kind of what we're doing, huh? Trying to compete with the bright lights of our culture. Wielding our own light. Redirecting little turtles.

It feels important. You don't want to whine that your legs are cold in the water, because you are engaged in a noble struggle...
heartcore is offline  
Old 01-22-2017, 05:47 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by heartcore View Post
This is my exact contradiction/challenge. My profession is as a mediator & negotiator. My value professionally is in neutrality & the ability to hold calm competence in any (& every) crisis. I am trained to do so.

Then, in my personal & recovery life, it is that exact strength & capacity which prevents me from asking for (or even without asking, soliciting) support.

I haven't yet figured out how to hold competence as a value in one major aspect/identity & relax it in the other...
In that case, would becoming very open about your own issues and emotional fluctuations be beneficial in your professional life? Wouldn't that get in the way of performing your work in a satisfactory manner? I imagine that diplomacy is an important element of your job and your ability and skills regarding this element probably make you a competent person to fill that role. Maybe like with me, being a scientist and mentor: I think it would do no good to anyone if I started to infuse my daily work and perceptions with all sorts of subjective preoccupations and emotions. It would affect the results and in turn, my sense of competency.

I think the thing to do is to separate and compartmentalize different areas of life. There is room for many different kinds of attitudes and parts of our identity, they don't need to be all encompassing. Ex: I really would not want or attempt to be as personal at work as I like to be with friends or with my therapist. I do like to share some of my experiences because it can help to establish connections better, but the focus is not on me and especially not on my issues when I work.

I don't think that professionalism and vulnerability are mutually exclusive. In fact, I always feel that the best leaders are not the ones that try to transmit charisma and power, but those that are capable of humility and looking also inside for answers without infusing their environment with their egos excessively. Focus on work-related competency and improvements when at work and relax in the personal sphere.

I think that the best strategies also depend highly on the nature of work one is doing. Some professions do not only allow a lot of personal vulnerability and expression but it's a bonus if not essential. Others require a more objective stance. I don't think that those who occupy the second niche should be considered less authentic, they are just as true to the nature of what they are doing.

I do often find it hard to switch between these areas of life, unwind and relax in healthy ways. What helps probably more than anything is separating my professional and private spheres as much as possible. This was not necessary so much when I was younger and in positions where people naturally mix and match work and friendships but beyond a certain stage it's not feasible anymore. Only one reason why it's so important to find other sources of support and personal connections.
Aellyce is offline  
Old 01-22-2017, 10:49 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
RecklessEric's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Posts: 739
Awesome thread, folks.
Are we more sensitive to the void as addicts, I wonder?
I sometimes think non-addicts tend to just get on with things whereas we can become immersed in them.
I also think that's no bad thing but it can be harmful if we become frightened by it.
RecklessEric is offline  
Old 01-22-2017, 12:40 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Honest, Open, Willing
darkling's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: the real world
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by RecklessEric View Post
. . . Are we more sensitive to the void as addicts, I wonder? . . ..
Excellent question! I think it'd be a good thread of it's own . . .

I was going to say that maybe "normies" just have better coping methods . . . but then why do I think so many of them could use a good 12-step program?? LOL

Seriously, I think we do feel things on a different level than others. It seems things hit us harder . . . or maybe, we just magnify everything to be bigger than it is??? IDK. But yeah. There's definitely a difference!

[I don't like the word "sensitive" cuz I was told for way too long that I was "just being over-sensitive."
But I also can't come up with a better one . . . ]
darkling is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:10 AM.