Self Confidence and Motivation?
 

Hey Y'all,
So basically my question is about self confidence and motivation, and the improvement of them both as time goes on being sober. A quick background, I've been drinking since I was 21 and am in my early 30's now, the last 2 years I drank every night and it wasn't till I had a full blown anxiety attack that I scared myself into realizing how much damage I was doing.

So I decided to quit, for me. Now I'm on day 60, the first month was hell and I'm not gonna lie I barely remember it. These holidays were the hardest but, I stayed sober.

So now I'm trying to put my life back together and the 2 things that are killing me are my self confidence and lack of motivation some days.

Physically, I have these "sunken, half circles" under my eyes that I cant get to go away. It's really bothering me because every morning when I look in the mirror it reminds me of all the wrong choices I've made. I guess that's whats killing my self confidence.. Are these permanent? Any idea what this is?

Mentally, I've had a lot of mental fog, although there was a stretch of a couple of days last week where I felt really sharp and I was able to concentrate, got a ton of things done, my memory was great. But now it's kind of slowed back down again. This I believe is what feels to me like a lack of motivation. It's like a brain fog, I've read that mental clarity does improve, has anyone else experienced this? I feel like the past week has been a waste because I haven't gotten as much accomplished as I would like to have.

I've always been a very driven person, I'm very hard on myself and it kills me to look back and see how much time I've wasted and what I could have done if I wasn't drinking. Some days I just get so mad at myself for what I've done, but I do take responsibility for it.

Anyways,
Thanks for listening pleased to meet y'all

Welcome to SR 14sierra and congrats on your decision to quit and also 60 days, that's quite an accomplishment!

The mental fog is quite common, our minds take time to recover from all that sedation and abuse from daily drinking. The circles under your eyes could be a lot of things, or maybe even nothing at all. Have you seen a doctor for a basic checkup since you quit? Not a bad idea if you have the ability to do so.

Regarding lack of motivation, there are a host of different things that could cause that, both physical and mental. One thing I'd ask...are you doing anything specific to foster your recovery like a sobriety plan or perhaps counseling? Depressing and anxiety are very common too and you could be suffering from those or other conditions. All of these things are correctable and being sober will help in that process immensely.

Welcome 14Sierra.

I just passed Day 60 myself recently. My first month was also hell, and I have NO desire to repeat it! About the brain fog - it's been troubling for me too. Like, it feels like the front of my brain is stuffed with lead weights most of the time. It's only recently that I've had the odd day (or moment) when that's lifted and my head feels lighter, clearer, and I feel that my mind is suddenly firing on all cylinders. In fact, it happened at work yesterday morning. So for me it's been slow-going, but catching glimpses here and there is reassuring for sure.

Keep reading and posting, this is a fantastic place with awesome people.

Hi Sierra14

Congratulations on 60 days, that's fantastic. Everything you describe sounds very common. Just keep going and you'll find everything will improve.

This is my experience also.

I am 79 days sober and the mornings are rough - but not as rough as in the beginning of my sobriety.

The only time I really feel good is in the evening when I am in for the night relaxing and all my obligations for the day are complete.

the brain fog should clear soon. I think that went away from me somewhere around 4 months or so. But what followed was the total opposite my brain went on like warp drive for the next few months playing catchup or something it was wierd but not really a bad thing.

I had the black cicles under my eyes. I just assume rest and lack of drinking made it go away for me. IN my case i went to bed totally drunk for years and woke up hungover day in and day out. so I probably was pretty exhausted to say the least and that took time for me to get over.

self confidence and such comes in time as you get your head all sorted out.

You have to figure out how to live in the present moment. The past really does not matter any more. It doesn't matter what you did before, it matters what you do today.

In the Women's subforum, there is a thread called one thing I did for myself today. As alcoholics, we neglect self care and our self esteem suffers because of it. We have to relearn how to do things for ourselves. You'll see posts from me in there that simply say "I shaved my legs today". It's winter and I'm single, I am the only person who is going to see my legs. But I only shaved my legs three or four times last year, I swear. It just makes you feel good inside and out when you take care of yourself, not for the sake of impressing someone, but just for you.

One thing that helped me with brain fog in the beginning was making to-do lists on my tablet and deleting items as I completed them. I was starting to learn that I could be productive on my own. I couldn't rely on just my memory and mentally saying here's what I have to do, now where do I start? I set aside a whole day and got up and got things done.

Two things I remember helping me get back on my feet after years of drinking were exercising both the mind and body.

I obviously don't know what kind of shape you're in physically but getting out of the house and exercising does wonders to help reverse the damage alcohol does both mentally and physically.

Start off by speed walking (or just walking) a distance you're comfortable with and then increase as you see fit. Then maybe lift some light weights and speed walk. Then maybe move onto a cross-fit course, speed walking and light weights. You get the picture. Whatever your comfortable with but get up, get out, and move.

A tool I used to exercise the mind outside of traditional methods such as reading and working was taking on-line classes. The site I use is EDX (click "EDX" for link).

They have classes in almost every subject you can imagine. From quantum physics to English literature. To top off this wonderful resource the classes are compiled by prestigious colleges such as MIT, Harvard, and Berkley to name a few and they're all free.

Don't get down on feeling "weird". It's normal. Is that an oxymoron?

Once you battle though the funk of becoming sober again you'll learn to live again and realize there's a whole world out there that is not only manageable in sobriety but much more enjoyable when you're not consistently fighting the fog of the consequences of a never ending hangover.

Hang in there! We're rooting for you!

First of all, GOOD FOR YOU! 60 days is an amazing achievement! You should be so proud of yourself.

But if your eye bags are bothering you, have you tried makeup yet? Doesnt matter if you're a guy or girl, I would suggest coverup no matter what sex you are!

I had a friend who had terrible black under eye circles and she used cover up to mask it. Let me contact her and see what she used, I know she used some kind of primer, I think it was tinted so it could "hide" the darkness better. And then a cover up over that.

You WILL physically get better as you go on. Try to concentrate on that, it should get better.

There was a whole thread about under eye circles and bags and I posted a link to a buzzfeed list of tips and tricks.. including how to properly apply coverup. It is very easy to do in such a way that the dark part is much MORE noticable..

I prefer glasses to contacts because of my bags.

Thank everyone for your great responses, I really appreciate it . That' actually more than I expected! It's good to hear from others who understand what I'm talking about. I think the best thing for me to hear is that things can get better! I know it's only been 2 months but it feels like it's been 2 years and every day is going SO SLOW.

About the exercise, I have been doing a 5 day a week routine of lifting weights and cardio for the past month. That's actually what seems to give me some relief from the brain fog, it seems like everything clears up a bit for the rest of the day.

Also, playing guitar seems to clear things up but for the most part this week it feels like I'm still half asleep. I do remember that period of time (last week) when the fogginess subsided, it did feel like my mind was in overdrive (in a good way).

As for the physical appearance, I think I might be using it as a gauge of my progress and I began obsessing on it. It looks like I have 2 black eyes from bar fights, but only when I turn my head a certain way.

I guess the best way to describe it is the skin under my eyes has sunken down a bit and are casting shadows. Hollow Eyes, I think is what I've read it's called. I don't understand how I couldn't care less before and now it bothers me. I did lose weight over the past year, and am hoping by living an actual healthy lifestyle I can correct some of this damage.

Depression and Anxiety,
I've always had issues with both but the alcohol definitely made the anxiety go off the charts. It got so bad I wouldn't even leave the house or drive anywhere. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for years, but I never told him about the drinking. I know that is what lead to my nervous breakdown, but if that didn't happen I would have never quit.

I can say that since quitting the anxiety has gotten WAY better, almost gone actually.

Sorry for the long rant, just the first time I have ever talked to anybody about all this.

Your psychiatrist can not help you without that information. Be clear with him/her about your history. What made you decide to withhold that?

I saw a shrink for ten years before telling him I'm an alcoholic because I didn't want to confront it and felt enormous shame about getting drunk every day. Nevertheless he was delighted that I stopped drinking and found the support of other alcoholics in AA meetings. Alcohol is also a depressant and once I got sober I could start anti-depressants, which helped a great deal.

Exactly the same reason, I told him I quit drinking last month though I never told him how much. I have a feeling he knew all along anyways. The depression really has never been anything compared to the anxiety, which was a 9/10. But this is the first time I have ever tried taking the medicine he prescribed properly and not drinking either.