Acheleus

Music. We are both artistic and creative. We met some women but I am not attracted to women drinking in bars. I feel a little too old at 31. He is 24. But we plan on playing at some local bars soon. I play guitar and sing and play piano.

soberlicious

Well you are not too old, but I def understand what you're saying and I agree. I'm not attracted to people drinking in bars either. One of my musician friends is a long time nondrinker and he successfully plays in bars all the time, but I do know he gets tired of the drinking drama and the drunks. You will just have to see how it goes, but trust your gut and don't continue to do something if it feels like a waste of time or it's just meh.

Acheleus

I am an intellectual. I like Henry James novels and I read foreign affairs. It is difficult for me to find my people. It was all so boring and dull. But maybe that is burnout from finishing law school.

I guess I just feel like I have outgrown bars/drinking culture. But I have a lot to do and I am just going to focus on myself until I am 2 years sober. Sometimes I still feel vulnerable although alcohol does not frighten me the way it did at 9 months sober. Change is scary, but necessary. I'm being my true self for the first time in my life and bars do not align with my interests.

I can only be honest.

soberlicious

Then I would not plan on playing gigs in bars if I were you, and I would let your friend know that. I only said see how it goes because I understood you to say you were planning on playing bar gigs. There's no reason to do this then, right? You need to be true to yourself for sure.

Outonthetiles

By hanging out in bars you're looking for something that isn't there.

Acheleus

Exactly.

ThomPom

What one expects from a "Bar" may range from inspiring conversations in early bar hours to getting shitfaced at hardcore drinker places 24/7.

And of course, it's about how you can handle triggers. In doubt, Sobriety protections comes first.

I don't wont to miss out the "salon culture" of some good places, where I like the crowd and conversations. What works for me, is going to only some few targetetd bars early hours during the week, ordering always the same drink (Tonic) and leaving after latest two hours, before it gets busy. The barkeepers there know I don't drink, I tip them generously.

I really focus on the benefits of conversations, the feel of the place, but seperate the alcohol part from it. Actually I visualized that before I started going to bars again. After some "training" I am perfectly fine with it.

Acheleus

Thanks!

Acheleus

Too triggering for me.

paulokes

Perhaps you guys could find a coffee shop that books musicians