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Drunk emotions vs. Sober emotions

Old 01-07-2017, 07:05 AM
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Drunk emotions vs. Sober emotions

Last night my wife got drunk.

I have been sober 75 days and she continues to drink everyday. I have been quiet about my feelings toward her drinking because I know I can not change her - she has got to want to change.

But last night she was so obnoxious I lost my cool and blew up; this caused a huge argument - but we did make up quickly.

The reason I am posting is because when my wife and I (or my daughter and I) had arguments when I was drinking (sober or drunk) my emotions seemed so fragile and it really hit me hard and the pain sometimes lingered for days.

Last night I noticed that I wasn't that emotional and could think and respond to my feeling in a clear and logical manner.

Alcohol really screws up emotions and thinking - just another great reason to stay sober.
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Old 01-07-2017, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post
Alcohol really screws up emotions and thinking - just another great reason to stay sober.
Very definitely my experience. When I was drinking, and also sometimes in early sobriety, I thought I had a bunch or combination of mental illnesses that would probably never get better and I was bound to live with them forever. What I've found though in a sustained sober life is that most of those were much more the consequences of my alcoholism rather than pre-existing conditions. There are many posts here where people describe emotional issues getting worse in sobriety (even if only temporarily) - somehow that has not been my experience. For me, nothing was ever worse than while drinking heavily, inside-out.

Kudos to you for living with an active alcoholic and staying sober while also trying to manage your relationship, that is something to be proud of!
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Old 01-07-2017, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post

Alcohol really screws up emotions and thinking - just another great reason to stay sober.
Equanimity
My sober goal.
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Old 01-07-2017, 07:37 AM
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Irrational behavior and thinking is always a byproduct of being drunk. Not only does this disease kill your body, it's kills your emotions as well. Eventually the mind becomes a babbling mess. It's a lonely place to be in before it takes you out. Just saying.
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Old 01-07-2017, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post
Last night I noticed that I wasn't that emotional and could think and respond to my feeling in a clear and logical manner.
I noticed this too, and compared to any point before I quit drinking, I'm the Ice Man. Not much really bothers me, not for long anyways. I'm much, much more self-contained, and no longer reliant on other people's actions and reactions to maintain my own self-esteem.
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Old 01-07-2017, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by JeffreyAK View Post
I noticed this too, and compared to any point before I quit drinking, I'm the Ice Man. Not much really bothers me, not for long anyways. I'm much, much more self-contained, and no longer reliant on other people's actions and reactions to maintain my own self-esteem.

Said perfectly.
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Old 01-07-2017, 09:16 AM
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True for me too. My emotions were much darker and more dramatic before sobriety, and I was very reactive. Even when (or maybe especially when) not actually drinking ... I would start fights sober and drink to calm myself down.

My marriage is much improved by my sobriety ... over time we've calmly and gently resolved issues about which we'd fought for years. We may still argue but it doesn't blow up into a reactive mess.
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Old 01-07-2017, 09:30 AM
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I tolerated more things when I was drinking. It numbed my sensitivities. Now I am learning to be patient with people and in situations. Still, I have those moments when I know I am giving off a 'bad vibe' because of my intolerace...I am working on that.
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Old 01-07-2017, 10:14 AM
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Many layers to Thine Ownself Be True including, but not - least emotional sobriety.

Reminds me of the phrase and response - IT gets better.
No, WE get better.............
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Old 01-07-2017, 10:17 AM
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it does screw with our emotions.

But I get a lot angrier since i got sober. The level of rage i've hit at various times in my sober years has scared me on a couple of occasions. I had never expierenced anger like it in all my life.

I dont think my anger is at problematic levels or anythign like that. If anything its now at a somewhat normal level or even below that even. But the drinking kept it extinguished in my case since I used drinking to cope with anything and everything.

But I dont have that extreme inner tug of war battle going on with my emotions quite like I did when i drank.
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Old 01-08-2017, 06:34 PM
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My wife still drinks, sometimes a lot. The wine can be bad but when I notice that she's bought a bottle of vodka I want to take the kids and leave the house until she's done with it. I'm afraid to "start a conversation" about it because it will usually lead to to a dirty fight that I just can't handle anymore. I guess someday I'll have to figure out how to deal with it.
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Old 01-08-2017, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by gaffo View Post
My wife still drinks, sometimes a lot. The wine can be bad but when I notice that she's bought a bottle of vodka I want to take the kids and leave the house until she's done with it. I'm afraid to "start a conversation" about it because it will usually lead to to a dirty fight that I just can't handle anymore. I guess someday I'll have to figure out how to deal with it.
Like I mentioned in the first post my wife and I had a fight about her drinking Friday night.

Today (Sunday) we had a good family day. We got home around 4:30 and the first thing my wife does it make a drink; our daughter and I knew where this was going to lead.

I knew of an AA meeting that started at 5:30; I politely asked my wife if she minded if I went (I would have went anyhow) and she said "no problem have fun".

I returned from the meeting about 90 minutes later and my wife was pretty buzzed and getting obnoxious. Our daughter was upstairs in her room fed up and I just ate dinner and went into another room.

She then asked me why I was in another room and I told her she was getting drunk and I didn't care to be around her. She than started saying I was "all AA" and accused me of talking about her at AA and looking for women at AA. Then she flipped like a light switch and she was over it and everything was nice like the argument never happened.

The focus at the AA meeting was ironically about helping other alcoholics join AA and the ways you handle them when they are drunk and or need help.
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Old 01-08-2017, 07:23 PM
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Totally agree..alcohol and the withdrawal of alcohol and the hangovers from alcohol distorted my emotions, reactions and understanding...it could lead me to feel underwhelmed and overwhelmed...could cause me to overreact to simple things and under react to problems that needed my attention...
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Old 01-08-2017, 08:06 PM
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I found that I don't hang onto things as much as I used to. Replaying the same thoughts and emotions (anger mostly) over and over in my mind. I find that I'm getting better at thinking things thru, making a decision or letting go and moving on. Not perfect, but getting better.
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Old 01-08-2017, 08:23 PM
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In AA we talk about emotional sobriety. It is one of the main goals of the programme and doesn't automatically come from stopping drinking. In fact, the emotional instability can get a lot worse in sobriety unless the alcoholism is treated. Bill W wrote a pamphlet on the subject called Emotional Sobriety. He was having problems at over twenty years, and he present s his solution in this pamphlet.

A while back I saw a guy at a meeting, been sober thirty years he said, but his emotional state was exotremely bad. Dry drunk doesn't begin to describe it. He had got married just over a week beforehand, went on the honeymoon, and the wife had kicked him out before they even got home. He was howling about how hard done by he was and what an unreasonable woman his wife was. He got to talk about all this by interrupting the person sharing and ignoring please from the chair for him to wait his turn. His sad tale was so important we all had to hear it immediately. Then he left.

Thirty years without a drink, and less emotional stability than most newcomers. Just stopping drinking is not always the total solution.
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Old 01-08-2017, 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post
Last night my wife got drunk.

I have been sober 75 days and she continues to drink everyday. I have been quiet about my feelings toward her drinking because I know I can not change her - she has got to want to change.

But last night she was so obnoxious I lost my cool and blew up; this caused a huge argument - but we did make up quickly.

The reason I am posting is because when my wife and I (or my daughter and I) had arguments when I was drinking (sober or drunk) my emotions seemed so fragile and it really hit me hard and the pain sometimes lingered for days.

Last night I noticed that I wasn't that emotional and could think and respond to my feeling in a clear and logical manner.

Alcohol really screws up emotions and thinking - just another great reason to stay sober.
Doug
I totally agree with you i also am more even tempered .....more understanding....i can say im sorry..... i can see where i am wrong. My relationship with my husband is a whole lot better. I don't know how he could stand me.
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Old 01-09-2017, 05:48 AM
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I'm sober and just now realizing how screwed up my thinking is.

When I was drinking I definitely met the criteria for clinically insane. I had no idea what was real and what was false. Sometimes I still don't...but I REALIZE now, WOW, I am really whacked. And it's eye opening and frightening to be AWARE of how insane I am.
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Old 01-09-2017, 06:03 AM
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as far as the couple posts about fighting with significant others. I can relate since i got sober and such I just dont have time for that anymore. I'm not a fighter to begin with and I guess i respect my emotions too much to get them all worked up over something easily settled another way.

I'd rather walk away from a fight i just dont care. I work to hard to remain calm and collected to step into that kinda of a mess.

But when i do get pulled into a fight forget it i blow a gasket something I never really did back in my drunken days.
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Old 01-09-2017, 06:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Bunny211 View Post
I'm sober and just now realizing how screwed up my thinking is.

When I was drinking I definitely met the criteria for clinically insane. I had no idea what was real and what was false. Sometimes I still don't...but I REALIZE now, WOW, I am really whacked. And it's eye opening and frightening to be AWARE of how insane I am.
at the tail end of my drinking i questioned my sanity a lot. I htink i was slipping away or had slipped away i'm not really sure. and when i quit drinking it was as if i wonderd in the fog lost for a while till i found my way back.

scary what it does to our brains.
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Old 01-09-2017, 04:27 PM
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Oh I turn into an emotional mess when I'm drinking. I get very reminiscent about things a lot of the time, and about things I couldn't care less about when I'm sober. I also noticed that my temper was worse. Not necessarily when I was drunk, I was never an angry drunk, but when I wasn't drinking I was always on edge and moody.

I've read some studies about the effects alcohol can have on your frontal lobe, which I think has a lot to do with it. There's some interesting studies out there about the frontal lobe and the part it plays in judgement and rationality...
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