trying12345

Obviously. But my question was about shielding him from my reality and allowing him to have a nice night out. I think that was clear.

dwtbd

I'm sorry that my solicited advice caused a negative emotional response from you , that was not my intent.
My intent and advice was 'can't/don't' -centric and not about any particular event.

thomas11

I can understand you wanting to honor your tradition, and I think the way you handled it was well done. I think you said you are at 11 days, so still early on. I think after some lengthy sober time you'll be a little less "sensitive" to the topic of drinking or excuses etc...

I think its important for all of us to understand that for many getting sober was a life or death matter, and people have strong feelings on the subject.

trying12345

Thomas, thank you for this. I appreciate your thoughts.

BrendaChenowyth

Your choice not to drink doesn't need to be excused by anyone other than you. You know your reasons, and you are the only person you have to be accountable to.

trying12345

Again, I know it doesn't "need to be ", as you know from the lengthy responses prior to this. I simply WANTED help with the best excuse. If you didn't have one, I'm not sure the reason for your unhelpful response.

BrendaChenowyth

I hadn't read anything beyond your original post.

Anything other than the truthful reason for your not drinking is what?

trying12345

It is very clear from my post.

BrendaChenowyth

Just tell the truth. That's all I'm trying to get at. I'm sorry.

BrendaChenowyth

Why do you think so many of the responses are contrary to what you want to hear? Maybe I'm not understanding your question. If there are reasons you don't drink, why can't you give those reasons?

trying12345

Brenda,

I didn't mean to be be brusk with you. I apologize. I just got back from a long run and thought about why I was so frustrated with, you're right, "so many of the responses."

The reason is because I, personally, do not believe (and will never believe) that my sobriety is a reason to check my empathy and my kindness at the door. I made it clear in my original post that my uncle is an old, old man who rarely gets out and this would upset him. I will not add to a difficult time in someone's life when there is simply no reason to. I went on this site this morning for the simple reason of inquiring if anyone had any thoughtful suggestions of gentle fibs one could give so as to cushion him from one of life's harsh realities in his elder years. I did not expect at all a bunch of what I feel are responses from people addicted - yes, addicted - to their mantras of "I need no excuse!" "It's on him!" "Can't/dont!", etc. Any rational, intelligent, and empathetic person can understand why I would want to not tell an old man who rarely gets out about something that would upset him. I'm kind of disgusted that people on this site (or anywhere in the world) are okay with upsetting anyone older and alone when there is no reason to (I clearly stated I could figure out a way around it last night but that I was just wondering if anyone had an easier excuse). And, you're right, while there were many responses disagreeing with me, there were many people who showed they did not check their empathy and kindness at the door when they invited sobriety in (people such as Optimist, Maudcat, Heartcore, Centered, and Thomas). I was upset because since I am new to sobriety I am disappointed to learn that there are many others that so need to loudly proclain their pride in their NO EXCUSES NEEDED! policy that they could not clearly see that this did not apply in this case. I was upset because I was thinking that this is a group of people that I do not have an interest in lumping myself with, but then I felt better remembering the comments of people such as Optimist, maudcat, heatcore, centered, Thomas. People who clearly do understand my desire to empathize with an old, sick man and shield him from pain.

I do not mean to be rude to you here. I can tell you are honestly inquiring about my frustration, so I appreciate your time. I hope you understand where I am coming from.

BrendaChenowyth

What I understood was that he prefers not to drink if his companion is not drinking. Do you think he would feel comfortable knowing that he in fact drank alone because you had a seltzer?

Are you not an addict? It sounds like when you speak of addicts you separate yourself from the lot of us. That's okay, perhaps we aren't the best lot to ask about this particular thing.

Dee74

I understand that you've received responses you don;t want to hear but that doesn't make people's motivations suspect and it doesn't make the responses bad advice.

All those years I people pleased and drank to fit in, even when I knew it was killing me, thats when I was addicted.

I thought that drinking was as important to everyone else as it was to me. It wasn't.

I used to drink with my dad. Then I didn't.

He didn't really understand why, and still doesn't, but he's used to the new order of things now.

maybe you should give your uncle a little more credit?

D

Bethany57

What about when you order and say to waiter...we'll have a beer for my uncle and a tonic with lime for me(he may think you are getting a gin/tonic and didn't hear the word gin) and then if he even says anything mention you have are just getting over a cold (so he won't think you are contagious) and afraid it may mix with cold medication. Personally, I think it is wonderful you are taking this man out. That means so much to someone elderly like that. I remember taking a friend out who was in his 90's for a beer and pizza. Fortunately he did not care if I drank. He just enjoyed that beer so much and just getting out.

trying12345

Bethany, thanks for this!

Done4today

Trying, I understand you don't want to worry your uncle but if he won't have his drink unless he thinks you're drinking. Then why do you need an excuse? Sounds like you handled the situation perfectly by having a virgin vodka and soda. I would continue with that route so he can have his cocktail while you get your soda water. He is an old normie, he will not understand being an alcoholic. Good luck with this situation. pray and meditate god will give you your answer.

StormiNormi

Since telling him you are on medication will cause him to worry,
How about saying you have your annual blood work/physical 'tomorrow' and you don't want alcohol to effect the results.

The less he hears the better.
No tangled wevs.

Ken33xx

I usually say because of stomach issues the doctor told me it is best I don't drink.

That pretty much ends it and the conversation moves on. Some might laugh and say tough break but the conversation moves forward.

And that's what I want. To ease away from the subject of my not drinking and onto something else.

Ken33xx

The above sounds good.

Ken33xx

Order whatever the uncle wants and then quickly say you`ll have a toxic water or coke.

If the uncle pushes you about not drinking tell him you have an annual blood work/physical this week. They test everything these days including alcohol and you want to make sure you get a clean bill of heath.

That should do the trick.