Is this sadness going to pass?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
Is this sadness going to pass?
Hi guys! Just recently I decided to quit alcohol for good , I would do it much earlier but I didn't want to lie myself with saying "never again" -I was always hoping that I will learn how to do it in moderation and occasionally.. Noup-never made it 
But now when I decided to do it I'm sooo SAD - I miss it already(my illusions of me drinking normally) Everithing about it I miss, suddenly I'm realizing the emptiness of almost any occasion without it!
I'm fully aware how irrational that is-but will it pass ?
But now when I decided to do it I'm sooo SAD - I miss it already(my illusions of me drinking normally) Everithing about it I miss, suddenly I'm realizing the emptiness of almost any occasion without it!
I'm fully aware how irrational that is-but will it pass ?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
yeah it will pass 
I'm not sure how long you've been sober but I guess like me you drank for years. It's a pretty big change, and it will take a little time...even the most abusive of relationships can bring sadness when they end.
You're not alone tho - there's tons of support and good advice here
welcome aboard makemakica
D.
I'm not sure how long you've been sober but I guess like me you drank for years. It's a pretty big change, and it will take a little time...even the most abusive of relationships can bring sadness when they end.
You're not alone tho - there's tons of support and good advice here
welcome aboard makemakica
D.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,626
Alcohol was my best friend. When I broke up with it- I felt grief, loss, sadness- empty. Even though a lying friend- at the time I thought it was all I had. Time to fill up the emptiness. Prayers.
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
Congrats on beginning your recovery journey.
In my drinking days I associated certain occasions and activities with alcohol. How could I ever get through Christmas without (insert favourite alcohol-holiday drink) or go camping without cases of beer?
But once I experienced these things sober, I realized that I didn't need the booze in the first place. Alcohol would typically just mar the occasion for me anyway, and I appreciate now that I can be in the moment and fully experience the event.
Either way, it's a process and it takes time. Our addictive voice likes to tell us that life is gonna suck without alcohol, but it's all just sweet little lies. Eventually this voice gets quieter.
In my drinking days I associated certain occasions and activities with alcohol. How could I ever get through Christmas without (insert favourite alcohol-holiday drink) or go camping without cases of beer?
But once I experienced these things sober, I realized that I didn't need the booze in the first place. Alcohol would typically just mar the occasion for me anyway, and I appreciate now that I can be in the moment and fully experience the event.
Either way, it's a process and it takes time. Our addictive voice likes to tell us that life is gonna suck without alcohol, but it's all just sweet little lies. Eventually this voice gets quieter.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: virgin islands
Posts: 145
Someone once told me that when you take alcohol out of your life you need to put something else back in. Of course I thought it was just another one of those 'slogans', but for some of us it is very true. The many sayings and words of wisdom can really help us get through those early days of sobriety. It isn't easy to begin to learn how to live life without a drink in your hand. Sometimes even just trying to imagine it brings us to despair. You are certainly not alone in your thoughts and feelings in that regard. Determination alone is not necessarily enough when contemplating a new way of life that is inconceivable.
There is help out there in many ways. This forum, meetings, and other tools are at your disposal. You just need to take that first step and accept the help and support that is available.
In time the sense of loss will dissipate. You'll begin to find joy in other ways. Begin to replace the chaos with serenity, and the ego with humility, and discover a connection with others that a life of drinking can never achieve.
In years to come you may even find that your present fear of loosing your 'fun life' with alcohol is as laughable as it is irrational - yet that is hard, or even impossible, to see from where you are standing now.
Give yourself credit for taking the first steps on a path to sobriety, and acknowledge what you are feeling, yet keep on the path and reach out to others for all the help and support that is freely available.
There is help out there in many ways. This forum, meetings, and other tools are at your disposal. You just need to take that first step and accept the help and support that is available.
In time the sense of loss will dissipate. You'll begin to find joy in other ways. Begin to replace the chaos with serenity, and the ego with humility, and discover a connection with others that a life of drinking can never achieve.
In years to come you may even find that your present fear of loosing your 'fun life' with alcohol is as laughable as it is irrational - yet that is hard, or even impossible, to see from where you are standing now.
Give yourself credit for taking the first steps on a path to sobriety, and acknowledge what you are feeling, yet keep on the path and reach out to others for all the help and support that is freely available.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 270
Hi! I feel exactly the same way. I posted on another thread that I am scared of letting go. I can't imagine life without booze. Don't think long term. Day at a time. I posted on the 24 hr thread. Just get through this day first. Baby steps. Hugs!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
It all depends on what you do to start living a life that means something more to you than the illusory pleasures that come with drinking. I needed to work on making some difficult and significant changes in my attitudes, thinking and behavior in order to move past my misery. This never happens as a result of thinking or introspection. It is, instead, the result of what we do to build a better life.
Many of us fail in life, or at different times in our lives, because we pay a great deal of attention to what we're losing, rather than focusing on and working towards all that we have to gain. And to give. And this is among the saddest of all conditions in which we can choose to live our lives.
Many of us fail in life, or at different times in our lives, because we pay a great deal of attention to what we're losing, rather than focusing on and working towards all that we have to gain. And to give. And this is among the saddest of all conditions in which we can choose to live our lives.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: California
Posts: 11
Yeah, it does pass. You just have to change yourself, change your lifestyle, build a life that replaces alcohol. Work on yourself. Focus on change for the better. Focus on being selfless. And you don't "need" alcohol, focus on that aspect of things.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
Yes, it passes. And life is not emptier without alcohol. It's actually much much fuller (for me anyway). Alcoholism is tenacious and it's a liar. It will make you believe you can't live without it, but you can. And once you get a taste of real recovery, you very well may not ever want to go back to drinking. I know I don't. Even when things get ugly and crappy in my life, I still don't want to go back to drinking. I can't make anything better or easier by drinking. Just makes it worse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 379
Hi,
It passed for me. I remember being sad, but it was more sad that I couldn't moderate my drinking. I had tried for years and five years ago I stopped kidding myself. I would never be able to enjoy alcohol like normal people and if I wanted to change my life, the booze had to go.
I miss the fun times sometimes, but my real focus now is the fact that drinking caused me more pain than pleasure.
My life now is a world away from what it was when I was drinking. I don't want that to change so now there is no temptation. I love my sobriety and am very happy for it.
Stay strong, you quit for a reason.
It passed for me. I remember being sad, but it was more sad that I couldn't moderate my drinking. I had tried for years and five years ago I stopped kidding myself. I would never be able to enjoy alcohol like normal people and if I wanted to change my life, the booze had to go.
I miss the fun times sometimes, but my real focus now is the fact that drinking caused me more pain than pleasure.
My life now is a world away from what it was when I was drinking. I don't want that to change so now there is no temptation. I love my sobriety and am very happy for it.
Stay strong, you quit for a reason.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: California
Posts: 11
Yes, it will definitively pass as you allow yourself to grow without the alcohol.
And when you feel sad without the drink, just remember all the horrible things that comes with drinking too much. Give yourself a reality check.
And remember, you don't need alcohol for nothing. That's just the negative side of your mind talking. Keep ignoring it. It's insanity to think we need the drink in order to live successfully.
Also, rebuild a lifestyle that replaces the drink. A lifestyle you enjoy. Then you will look back and say "Wow, I didn't need alcohol all that time, it's crazy how the mind can make us want to think we need some thing, when all we need is food, water, and oxygen".
Just keep focus on happy things, and keep trying your best.
And when you feel sad without the drink, just remember all the horrible things that comes with drinking too much. Give yourself a reality check.
And remember, you don't need alcohol for nothing. That's just the negative side of your mind talking. Keep ignoring it. It's insanity to think we need the drink in order to live successfully.
Also, rebuild a lifestyle that replaces the drink. A lifestyle you enjoy. Then you will look back and say "Wow, I didn't need alcohol all that time, it's crazy how the mind can make us want to think we need some thing, when all we need is food, water, and oxygen".
Just keep focus on happy things, and keep trying your best.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,381
The nostalgia trap, one of the deadliest gambits at alcohol's disposal. It's a dirty lie, don't believe it.
When I'm feeling low, I watch old Norm MacDonald videos on youtube. His dry humor always perks up my mood.
When I'm feeling low, I watch old Norm MacDonald videos on youtube. His dry humor always perks up my mood.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Welcome to SR!!
I remember the very first time I logged in here, I was feeling scared and questioning my drinking. It took me another few months to log in again, and then I spent the next three years like a ping pong ball alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation.
Just about a year ago I finally stopped the insanity for good. In the past I romanticized my relationship with alcohol, I envisioned glass of wine watching the sunset, or in front of a crackling fire. However, the reality was it was never just a glass of wine, it was more like a bottle or so of me drinking in sweats in front of the tv. I would often fall asleep (aka pass out) on the couch and then wake at about 2:00 am drag myself up to bed only to hear the alarm go off at 5:30. You can imagine what a lovely image my puffy face, red eyes, and pounding head made the next day as I looked in the mirror.
I somehow was getting through the day at work, taking care of my kids, and managing to be some sort of acceptable wife, but the truth is I was lacking in each of these areas. Nobody was getting my best me, and that needed to stop.
I started logging in and posting here daily, I read lots of books about recovery. I exercised, spent quality time with my kids, and began practicing mindfulness.
Each day got a little easier. For me, it was important to plan out my evenings in the beginning so that I didn't have free time when I would have normally been drinking. My focus began to shift from an obsession over the fact that I couldn't drink to a lifestyle with positive habits. The times I thought about drinking became less and less, and when I did have them, playing the tape through, and thinking about the next morning was enough to chase the though away.
Spend some time reading and posting on here. Join the December class, or soon to be January 2017 class, having a group of people at the same point in your recovery is helpful. Check in daily on the 24 hour thread, it is a great place to keep yourself accountable, and meet a great group of people.
You can do this, and I promise you it is worth it! Looking forward to seeing you here!
❤️ Delilah
I remember the very first time I logged in here, I was feeling scared and questioning my drinking. It took me another few months to log in again, and then I spent the next three years like a ping pong ball alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation.
Just about a year ago I finally stopped the insanity for good. In the past I romanticized my relationship with alcohol, I envisioned glass of wine watching the sunset, or in front of a crackling fire. However, the reality was it was never just a glass of wine, it was more like a bottle or so of me drinking in sweats in front of the tv. I would often fall asleep (aka pass out) on the couch and then wake at about 2:00 am drag myself up to bed only to hear the alarm go off at 5:30. You can imagine what a lovely image my puffy face, red eyes, and pounding head made the next day as I looked in the mirror.
I somehow was getting through the day at work, taking care of my kids, and managing to be some sort of acceptable wife, but the truth is I was lacking in each of these areas. Nobody was getting my best me, and that needed to stop.
I started logging in and posting here daily, I read lots of books about recovery. I exercised, spent quality time with my kids, and began practicing mindfulness.
Each day got a little easier. For me, it was important to plan out my evenings in the beginning so that I didn't have free time when I would have normally been drinking. My focus began to shift from an obsession over the fact that I couldn't drink to a lifestyle with positive habits. The times I thought about drinking became less and less, and when I did have them, playing the tape through, and thinking about the next morning was enough to chase the though away.
Spend some time reading and posting on here. Join the December class, or soon to be January 2017 class, having a group of people at the same point in your recovery is helpful. Check in daily on the 24 hour thread, it is a great place to keep yourself accountable, and meet a great group of people.
You can do this, and I promise you it is worth it! Looking forward to seeing you here!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you Guys so SO so much ! U definitely touched the point! U made made day much brighter and more determine! These days I'm trying to imagine all situation that would lead me to drink- well now I'm imagining how I'm passing bottles and having a normal conversation. This is going to be interesting...
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