Doug39

Some of you might remember my thread asking the question should I try AA or Alanon.

I also talked about how my wife feels that AA is full of losers just because her alcoholic sister has hooked up with guys she met at AA and had bad luck with all of them.

This is the thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...aa-alanon.html

Anyway I found some local AA meetings and I am going to go next week. I told my wife about it and she told me I should forget the idea and just go to therapy. She doesn't want me to get "wrapped up with losers".

I should have just went and not told her but she can track my phone plus I don't want to lie about my whereabouts.

I still plan on going. I know the real reason she is against it is because she thinks I am going to get on her ass about her daily drinking.

Her blood pressure has been high lately and she went to her doctor today for additional medication (and also came home with a 12 pack). I just suggested that her drinking may be a factor to her high blood pressure and she got pissed off.

CAPTAINZING2000

Sounds to me like she doesn't want to lose a drinking partner or am I reading this wrong? Did you two drink together?

Doug39

Yes. Pretty much everyday for 22 years.

fini

Doug,

since she seems to be thinking in terms of losers, it implies there are winners, also.

it might be interesting to find out who she thinks the 'winners' are??
the ones coming home with 12packs?

you go and do whatS right for you, and it' s sad you're not getting support for that at home, but I know if I were her and simply not wanting to quit yet, or deep-down-terrified that I couldn't do it, I'd call recovered and recovering people in meetings a bunch of losers, too.

JeffreyAK

It's your sobriety, and your choice as to what support you want to make use of. If she really has a problem with it, that suggests to me that maybe it's more about her than about you? If she's still drinking every day, she may want her drinking partner back.

ScottFromWI

I think you are doing the right thing by going for yourself and your heath/sobriety. And like CaptainZ I think she'll probably be pretty put off by any attempt you make at sobriety at first, AA or otherwise. It won't be easy but it is the best way to move forward.

SWTPEA61

Doug
Your wife probably isn't ready to quit or she doesn't think she has a problem. When she sees how healthy you are getting she might come around.
Hang with us and stay sober. ��

SoCalDude

In the same boat with a wife that still drinks significantly.. Unfortunately for everyone around you, and many of them won't understand, you have to be a little selfish at times in your sobriety. You have to focus on you, to get sober. If you focus on what everyone else wants, you'll end up in the same place as you started asking yourself what went wrong.

If you want to go to AA, go to AA, and explain that it's just something you need to try in this journey. She doesn't have to be supportive of it, but you're not her sister, and she herself has never been, so how can she judge?

Keep sober my friend, we're all here for you. If you can't talk to her about your experience, talk to us!

Doug39

Oh she knows she drinks too much just like I knew I drank too much.

I had a hard time and a fear of quitting because getting drunk was the only time I felt good - I didn't want to face life without my alcohol crutch.

When that crutch didn't work anymore I saw the light. Hopefully my wife will too before it is too late.

Algorithm

Is your wife perhaps worried that you will do what her sister did, and use AA meetings as a pickup joint? Sometimes the simplest explanation is the correct one.

SWTPEA61

Lead the way Doug

Doug39

I am sure my wife has some insecurities since I am changing and getting sober.

I love my wife and I am not looking to find someone else.

CAPTAINZING2000

Suggest an open meeting and see if she will go.

least

Does she understand that your sobriety is for you, not against her? Maybe your being sober 'threatens' her drinking.

Go to the meeting and help yourself to some recovery.

Outonthetiles

Well, that solves that mystery.

Berrybean

My OH wasn't keen on me going either. Took him a couple of years to change his mind on that score, and even now. When he's sober he thinks it's been a good thing, but once he's drunk his opinion changes.

I just had to tell him that it was non-negotiable in the end. My sobriety. My business.

pooky

Doug. I just go, come home,don't say a word about it. My husbands is also a drinker and has no intention of stopping. Jus t going to the meetings has helped me so much. I am new (30 plus) days and don't say much in the meetings but somehow they help me so much.

FranciscoM

Do what you got to do, and be understanding with your wife and her position, as it sounds like you were once in her shoes. Eventually once she see's improvement in you, and see's herself falling apart due to alcohol, she will realize who the real winners are.

knowthetriggers

Before my husband decided that being sober and working on recovery was where he wanted to be he often referred to AA as "those people". Now that he is sober and starting to embrace his recovery he has said several times that "these people" were the best thing that has ever happened to him.

So maybe if you go and get something positive out of the meeting and start to change then your wife just might see that "those people" aren't quite the "losers" she thinks they are.....

Peace
KTT

MIRecovery

I'm one of those AA losers and while it is true that there are some shaky people in AA there are also some of the finest people I have ever met from every walk of life. I am close to people who have advanced degrees and make a ton of money and people that make next to nothing. In AA we learn the important things can be bought. Alcoholism is the great equalizer. I'd much rather be sober and broke than rich and drunk