Flyfisher125

I wanted to create this for anyone feeling anxious this evening and for the holidays in general. I am feeling anxious right now and wanted to post. I'm about 20 days sober from my last 3 day relapse. And spent the vast majority of the last 30 months sober. Tonight there will be wine but most of the company knows Im an alcoholic so no one will drink to excess. Last night's get together was alcohol free. So I want to ask the wise people on this thread, for those of you who have family/friends who know you are an alcoholic and trying to stay sober, do you ever feel like you are stifling other people's happiness by them hosting alcohol free get togethers. I'm immensely thankful but at the same time it draws attention to me and I still have this feeling like I'm being a stick in the mud holding others back.

ScottFromWI

I think there's somewhat of a different dynamic at family gatherings for me now as I was the heaviest drinker, but I don't feel I'm "stifling" anyone else's day by not drinking . And if I am that's their problem, not mine :-)

Have a safe and happy night and congrats on your 20 days!

EndGameNYC

No. And even if we decide that we are, drinking along with them is not a good remedy for "stifling other people's happiness" or "holding them back." Or for stick-in-the-mudism. And it isn't a good idea to make a "holiday escape" by drinking.

Flyfisher125

That is not what I meant by holiday escape. My intent was to create a place to escape to in this forum.

Flyfisher125

I know drinking isn't the answer. I'm asking about perspective when people accommodate or create a "safe" environment for an alcoholic like me.

Delilah1

I think when I first stopped drinking I fleet like everyone was wondering what was going on, however, as time has passed I realized that nobody was paying much attention to what I was or wasn't drinking.

I have enjoyed family parties more in the past year, and I always am happy to wKe up sober the next day!

Hope you have a Merry Christmas.��

Algorithm

Where did you get the idea that this was a good way to stay sober?

My feeling is that this is not safe at all in the long term, since it reinforces the notion in your mind that you need to run away from alcohol in order to abstain. Do you believe that is the case?

Flyfisher125

It wasn't my idea to have a sober get together. My dad and step mom, who know I'm an alcoholic, made it that way because they thought it would be beneficial to me. I understand that avoidance of alcohol, as in not going anywhere where alcohol is, isn't a viable long term solution. But early on I've realized I need to avoid potentially compromising situations (ex: going to a bar with my friends and watching them all drink while I drink diet coke).

Gottalife

At an appropriate time I explained to friends and family what MY problem was, and that they were not to change their behaviour on my account.

biminiblue

I belong to Myfitnesspal as well as this forum. . . and others. . .

People often are upset about their family making big fancy dinners when they are trying to lose weight. Or their husband buying them chocolates when they're on a diet.

It seems many people have this idea that what they eat is influenced by there being ice cream within shouting distance. Thing is, there's always ice cream or alcohol within shouting distance.

It's just a polite thing to try to make your guest feel at home. If you were vegetarian I bet they'd make extra vegetable dishes when you were over. Social graces are a good thing.

Really, whether or not people drink around me it makes no difference. I told my family I'm alcoholic. They kept offering me drinks for the next ten years. It isn't up to other people to rearrange their lives around my sobriety or my weight loss plan but if they choose to do it, that's fine too. Just worry about yourself.

Soberwolf

I think you have a family that loves you enough to make that happen & in the early days it can only help i guess

Flyfisher125

Thank you for the input everyone. It provided some clarity for me about personal responsibility in recovery. If my family wants to do things to alleviate temptation, so be it. But my recovery can't be bound to that accommodation.

Dee74

My house is alcohol free and I've never thought I was stifling anyone

Family dos are still with alcohol and people seem to drink far less than I remember...

leaves me with the conclusion I was probably the ringleader...I certainly made all the other drinkers look good by comparison.

If it's their idea, I think its good your family are trying to be supportive - but if that's not what you want, you have a right to say so, flyfisher

D