Notices

Back to Day 1

Old 12-22-2016, 01:11 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mester's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 130
Back to Day 1

I was doing great. Not drinking. Recovering. Keeping my mind occupied as best as I could. Thought all the alcohol in the house was gone. I was wrong. Found a bottle of vodka I completely forgot about early this morning. Looked at it for an hour. Then I did the unthinkable. I drank it. all of it. The bottle wasn't full. I'm thinking 8-10 standard drinks. Drank it over the course of 2 hours. With every drink I kept saying goodbye to it. The only true goodbye was the last one that I poured. I hate myself. I don't know why I do the things that I do. The house is empty of all alcohol. I made sure of that even in my drunken state.

My name is Mester and I'm an alcoholic.
Mester is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:18 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Sobriety is Traditional
 
Coldfusion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,110
Hi Mester!

That's too bad about the relapse. I need to put a lot of effort into my recovery, even after four years sober. They say, "Alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful" but I also believe it is ubiquitous.

I find that reading and posting here, as well as going to AA meetings, gives me the support I need to stay sober.

Read around and post more often--it works if you work it!
Coldfusion is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear that Mester, but glad you are back. I know you were doing a lot of reading and thinking about what recovery path to take, maybe it's time to make a decision and take some action?
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:28 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,826
You're not alone in that. I stopped drinking countless times. I had to change my mindset, I had to stop stopping , that only led to starting again. I had to quit full stop.
I had to embrace the idea that I was done for good. Drinking was no longer option, no matter what. Had to say to myself "I will never drink again, and never change my mind" ( the Big Plan in AVRT). My alcoholism was never again going to be an impediment to quitting.
Quitting , choosing to never again put alcohol in mouth, has been infinitely easier than all the times in my past that I stopped and hoped I'd never start again. By choosing to quit , I have removed the possibility, it simply is no longer an option, and yeah I get to make that call, so do you. You can and you deserve to make it.
Rootin for ya
dwtbd is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:50 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,745
I'm going to be blunt here. Please understand I am concerned for you, not angry at you.

Originally Posted by Mester View Post
My name is Mester and I'm an alcoholic.
My name is Dee and I'm an alcoholic too. I haven't taken a drink since 2007 - it is possible.

I think you need a better plan Mester. You've had a few ideas but the most action you've taken so far is to drink that bottle.

You've been on Librium as well - thats a really dangerous mix.

I know that you've been thinking about ordering an AVRT book...why not go into the Secular Forum and start reading the AVRT threads - ask some questions?

you could be well on the way to formulating a Big Plan by the end of the day/night.

Noone is going to airlift you out of this situation Mester - if you want change, you're going to need to decide on a course of action and take it, now.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:55 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mester's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 130
Thank you. I have a plan.To not drink is priority #1. Made an appointment with my EAP(Employee Assistance Program) but it's not till tomorrow morning. We'll see what they say and go from there
Mester is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 02:04 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Mester View Post
Thank you. I have a plan.To not drink is priority #1. Made an appointment with my EAP(Employee Assistance Program) but it's not till tomorrow morning. We'll see what they say and go from there
I used the EAP program once at my place of work too, I think that's a good option to explore. My guess though is that they are going to tell you a lot of the same things you've been told here already and also by the doctor when you went in earlier this week.

What are some things you could do between now and tomorrow morning? What if you find another stashed bottle somewhere in your house?
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 02:05 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry to hear you drank.

You had questions about withdrawls. I'm afraid some of your questions are going to be answered the hard way.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 02:44 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mester's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 130
What if you find another stashed bottle somewhere in your house?[/QUOTE]

That won't happen. I searched all my hiding spots. There's nothing left in the house.
Mester is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 02:49 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mester's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 130
What are some things you could do between now and tomorrow morning? What if you find another stashed bottle somewhere in your house?[/QUOTE]

I've already checked all my hiding spaces. No more alcohol in the house
Mester is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 03:27 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Don't mean to be harsh but it sounds to me like you want to stop drinking, but still want to drink. You've done some good things like seeing your doctor and getting on librium, but when you found the bottle, you decided to drink it. I know this feeling and it's a tough place to be so I really feel for you. I know you know drinking is a serious problem for you, but do you see yourself as someone who can't drink at all? Are you committed to letting drinking go? For me, it's like being in a bad relationship. You know it's bad and you need to get out, but keep being drawn back because of the good times you had, and the hope that things will be better this time. Cutting ties with a long-term relationship takes a lot of determination, honesty and committment to move on and make changes. For people like us, keeping a relationship with alcohol always ends the same way and it's never good no matter how hard we try to make it work. Alcohol is greedy, self-centered and wants what it wants and it's never in your best interests. Take care. John
2muchpain is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 03:33 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,736
Mester - I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. The last time I picked up I went on a very long binge that I almost didn't recover from. That episode finally convinced me that I couldn't touch a drop. It sounds like you learned something.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 08:45 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mester's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 130
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm going to be blunt here. Please understand I am concerned for you, not angry at you.



My name is Dee and I'm an alcoholic too. I haven't taken a drink since 2007 - it is possible.

I think you need a better plan Mester. You've had a few ideas but the most action you've taken so far is to drink that bottle.

You've been on Librium as well - thats a really dangerous mix.

I know that you've been thinking about ordering an AVRT book...why not go into the Secular Forum and start reading the AVRT threads - ask some questions?

you could be well on the way to formulating a Big Plan by the end of the day/night.

Noone is going to airlift you out of this situation Mester - if you want change, you're going to need to decide on a course of action and take it, now.

D
You're right Dee. I've set up an outpatient program that works with my schedule. I never mixed the Librium with the alcohol. I only took 2 of them. Then just stopped. I had to wait for my BAC to get back to 0. I started up again. Doc gave me a new dose of 50mg up front. 25mg for 2 days. 15mg for 2 days. Then 5mg for 2 days.

I'm changing my routines. For example, if I took X road to work, I'm going to start taking Y. I've already looked into meal prep so I'm not eating junk all the time. Getting back into the gym. Things like that
Mester is offline  
Old 12-22-2016, 08:55 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,745
There are some really good ideas for plans in these links here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

worth a read

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-23-2016, 01:22 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Mester View Post
You're right Dee. I've set up an outpatient program that works with my schedule. I never mixed the Librium with the alcohol. I only took 2 of them. Then just stopped. I had to wait for my BAC to get back to 0. I started up again. Doc gave me a new dose of 50mg up front. 25mg for 2 days. 15mg for 2 days. Then 5mg for 2 days.

I'm changing my routines. For example, if I took X road to work, I'm going to start taking Y. I've already looked into meal prep so I'm not eating junk all the time. Getting back into the gym. Things like that
Sounds like a great plan Mester!! John
2muchpain is offline  
Old 12-23-2016, 04:24 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
waynetheking's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
The only advice I can give you is just don't drink. Focus your life on recovery. Not destruction. Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease. It can and will eventually kill you given enough time. If you truly want to quit, no amount of bottles in house will temp you. Alcohol is everywhere. You can't avoid it. Keep trying. Just don't drink.
waynetheking is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:12 PM.