BRichards

Having a really hard time post divorce and don't have any friends or family I feel comfortable talking to. Been drinking again and got myself into work commitments I can't do. On my last leg. I just don't know what to do next. ANY WORDS right now would be appreciated.

Upstairs

Hey there! They have a December daily thread you can join. I'm guessing better people than me will give you more help soon. I hope that's of some little help!

ScottFromWI

Welcome back B. Sorry you are having a hard time. Quitting drinking is what you should try and focus on now, it's making everything worse and the first step to making things better will be to stop. Regarding your work commitments, perhaps you could give some of them to others or just let someone know that yoiu aren't able to do them right now? It's better to be upfront with those kinds of things. I'm not suggesting you should tell anyone that your drinking is the cause of the problems with your work, but just let them know that you won't be able to do some of it until later?

Berrybean

Hiya. Glad you're here and posting.

You know, many things that seemed impossible conundrums and situations for me at the end of my drinking were manageable once I'd stopped debilitating myself through alcoholic drinking and thinking.

I'd suggest that there are a few things you can do immediately to start getting off of this merry-go-round of hopelessness you're on right now....

1) Stop drinking. It solves nothing and makes every possible problem worse. The temporary relief it offers is far, far outweighed by the negative impact it has on the manageability of many areas of our lives (relationships, financial, work, self-regulation, depression and mental health, physical health to mention a few).

2) build up your support network. You have already started this by registering and posting on here. Have you considered AA meetings? I find the support, experience, strength and hope that these and the people in the fellowship have V given me has been invaluable.

3) look again at those work commitments. Decide what you can do, and contact whoever needs to know and explain the situation. In many cases when we are honest and upfront people are willing to renegotiate terms (possible extended deadlines, or some compromise on what will be done). If you're going to have to face the music sooner or later then sooner is best, as the fear this is creating in you is the most damaging aspects of the situation. When we lean into our fears then we get past them. Then we can focus on other things, like our recovery and relationships, and getting a good night's sleep or eating properly.

4) look into making a plan for your sobriety. Dee's thread about this is great... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

5) plan ahead to avoid the most common triggers. You can remember these with HALT. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. Think ahead to how you can plan your daily routine so you avoid these triggers, and have some contingency plans in place for how to overcome them should, do they arise.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

NewRomanMan

How badly do you want to stop drinking? If you honestly and truly do, there is hope. And lots of it. There are more ways then ever now for ppl to get help in combating their alcoholism and begin the road of recovery. If you really want sobriety, it is out there. I'm one of them, and I love life sober. My own road consisted of a very good treatment for alcoholism facility (spirituality based, non clinical) for 28 days followed by joining AA and doing the work. There are many more ways than this to get sober and stay sober, this is just one. Hope this helps.

BRichards

Thank you guys. I could really use help with dealing with divorce. I have 2 year old and every time after I'm with him I just lose it. I'll just black out for days.

tonesward

My wife left me 4 months ago and I lost my 9 year old son and my 5 year daughter. Havn't seen them since that day.
At first I drank half a bottle of vodka a day for about 2 months
Then I tried to kill myself after a bad night gambling
Then I pulled myself together
Accept the situation don't fight it. It is what it is and you have to deal with it. Alcohol had it's uses but for the man I am trying to become it has no place in my life. Think about your kid growing up because it's going to happen. I have accepted that I will miss a big part of their lives now
But I'm playing the long game now. Building my life so that when they are older I will have a great time with them
Decide to give up. Prepare yourself with chocolate and crisps and whatever you need and be excited! Giving up is the start of an amazing adventure
You're going to be you again! Clear headed, strong and waking up ready for the challenge not nursing a sore head
Take on all the work and rise upto the challenge. If you can beat alcohol then your work problems are nothing. I love work, I love work problems. Do long days. Wake up at dawn and go running. Do Yoga. Do stuff you used to do before you were married. Find yourself again and be grateful that you have this opportunity in your life now to concentrate on healing yourself and being the best that you can be
Relish the challenge ahead. Becoming sober is an incredible journey and you are about to begin it
I'm rooting for you. We've all got stuff going on here but we all want to help but you're the one who has to do it. And you just have to want it
keep posting dude

Soberwolf

Glad your back with us B

ScottFromWI

Have you considered counseling? It might even be available through your municipality, many have resources for family issues. Picking up even one drink in a situation like that will lead to a blackout so you have to be ready and not pick it up in the first place.

Group therapy or recovery groups might be a great place to start too, having a local presence and someone to call when you have urges to drink can be very helpful.

BRichards

Thank you for your replies. Far2Go you had me in tears. I hope to get to where you are.

I've done a ton (years) of counseling and keep slipping back, it got worse lately with the loss of the contact with my wife and son, and there's nothing to keep me in the bounds. I do consulting work so am pretty much alone all day. I may talk one person all day, and I'm pretty social so that's harming me. Crazy lonely.

This isn't the way I want to live. Just don't know how to stop/start right now. Thank you to you guys for posting for me.

ScottFromWI

Recovery meetings are great places to find people to talk with. And if you set your own schedule it shouldn't be too difficult to set aside some time? There is also a lot of conversation happening right here on SR in the forums and in chat, and there are people here pretty much 24-7.

Dee74

Here's a link to the December support thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-4.html

D

NewRomanMan

I get the impression that you may be in a place that's going to be very hard to get out of without outside help. I would strongly consider seeing a therapist or start going to some sort of recovery meeting to get moving on recovery and get out of your head for a few moments each day.
Emotional sobriety is not something most of us are good at. Especially those of us who are alcoholics. We have a tendancy to these wild unpredictable mood swings that can go from euphoria all they way down to rock bottom despair very quickly. What we need to strive for is a bit of emotional equilibrium where we shear off those super highs and bring up those horrid bottoms so we can live life on as much of an even keel as possible. But we need to be in recovery for that to happen.
I know exactly how you feel. I drop my kids off with their mom at the end of my weekend with them and often times I'm praying for death by the time I go to sleep. Many of us have gone thru this or are presently going thru this. You're not alone. Keep your chin up and keep trying. Reach out.

Hevyn

BRichards - I'm sorry for all you've been through. I'm glad you came here to talk about what's going on. We care about you - and it helps to talk it over with those who understand.

BRichards

Thanks NewRoman. I did AA for 2 months, unsucsessfully, but will give my promise chip back and go again. I don't really like AA but like the company.

Made it through my early work meetings. Sorry this is the only place I feel like I can talk right now. Get my son Christmas Eve to Christmas Day. That's all I'm living for right now.

Mike