One step forward....
 

.... and two steps back.

*sigh*

whats up? I just saw your post...u okay?

I'll give you a hint... it begins with a big capitol "R"!!

Day one.... again.

I'm sorry Steve. When you are feeling a little better, what can you add to your program beyond just not drinking?

Whats R, Steve? Im curious now..lol. Day One can only be a hopeful new beginning, right? Ive been working on changing my way of thinking..so sorry if i sound sappy. ive had a TON of day ones!

How are you this morning? What kind of support do you need from us?

Glad you made it back, as Dee would say.

An attitude adjustment. My perception as of late has been lousy, and I know that (see some of my other recent threads!).

Whats interesting, the relapses are getting shorter and farther apart, but I know that's not the point. I can never be that "one & done" drinker. Its always go big or go home. I can plow through the bourbon like its water...

Let's do Day 1 together. We are not alone

This time it was a three day bender.... the detox is going okay. What makes this tough is I got a touch of a stomach bug yesterday and that is making this extra interesting.

Are you sure that all you need is an attitude adjustment Steve? I know it's difficult to think about such things during Detox, but frankly things probably won't change unless you make some major lifestyle changes and do some concrete, everday work to specifically address sobriety. There's lot's of folks here that have done so and would be very willing to help if that's your goal.

I am amazed at how alcohol messes with our brains. I totally get that one drink leads to more. One relapse leads to more relapses. At first they're further apart and then they become closer together until the days of drinking just all blend together. When I look at it from this perspective, for whatever reason it helps me. To really see your "iizard or drinking" brain just as that. To know that if you add alcohol you're feeding that part of the brain and making it stronger. But if you abstain, you're making the "healthy or normal" part of your brain stronger.

I need accountability and I just don't have that option. I wish there were AA meetings close by at reasonable times.... that's why I come here so often!

ETA: when I had my "groove" a few months ago, I could put it all on autopilot, more/less.

There are online AA meetings 24/7 - just google "online AA meetings". Don't forget we have chat meetings here too. And quite frankly, if AA is your choice - I bet you could make time to hit at least a meeting on somewhat of a regular basis. What is a "reasonable" timeframe for you? If your sobriety is truly important to you you can make time. You made plenty of time to go on a 3 day bender, right? ;-)

Relapses don't just happen, like catching a cold - we deliberately make them happen all by ourselves, by choosing to drink and usually by choosing to arrange a situation where we're likely to drink. What do you think you could have done differently to avoid the latest episode? If we learn from our relapses, we make them less likely to happen again in the future.

That I did not know!

I'm finding this to be so true! As I mentioned earlier, when I went 2+ months, I had a groove, a holistic approach to things. I was exercising every day, eating well, spiritual life was good, etc.

Then life got in the way....

That was 100% me!! I could be doing awesome! Working out, eating right, house in order, to do list kept up with, days planned, meditation, daily devotionals, SR time. Then little by little these very things started to fall by the wayside and bam, day one. Do ok for a while and day one again. I've learned for ME that I NEED to keep with up with everything that kept me at my best. It is critical.

JeffreyAK Awesome post. Hey id drink bourbon like water too. and im all or nothing type also. Sobriety equals Work on my part. nothins easy. every single day i THINK man i wanna get wasted drunk. then i keep busy. it can be a daily battle, i hear ya. Its alotta work staying sober. Hope U feel better today...

You mean, then you made a decision to drink when you could have decided to do something else, like come here or go to an online meeting. ;) Life has ups and downs, but we have to negotiate the hills without drinking, or using them as excuses to drink again, and we really do make the choices that lead to whatever outcomes we arrive at. Those chains of choices usually start long before we actually put a drink to our lips.

saying you need accountability but "just don't have the option" is untrue,steve. personally I think its a copout.
AA meetings wont make you accountable nor will they help you recover.going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism.
in "how it works" it says:
"here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery."
action.


early AAer's didn't have the luxury of meetings close by. they got sober with nothing but the big book- they did what the big book suggested, recovered, and started meetings.