trying12345

Hello,

20 days in and not a happy camper. It feels like since I'm so new to this, why not scrap it all together until after the holidays? I know that's not smart, and who knows if I can even motivate then as I did 20 days ago to start stopping. I just feel like since I "only" drank a bottle of wine a night for 20 years, well, that's not SO bad. I know that's the disease talking. I know how it screwed with my life. But it's so damn tempting to restart in just 1 week. But I know how hard (maybe impossible) that would be. So damn tempting, though. I'm even starting to convince myself maybe I didn't have a problem after all, so why punish myself like this???! That's the toughest voice to shut off.

BrendaChenowyth

Like most of us though, it was probably about more than the number of glasses of vino you consumed each night So what were the reasons you decided you couldn't do that anymore?

trying12345

I would run right home to drink, rather than socialize, build a life, exercise, etc. As long as I had my wine and was holding my job, I considered my life a success. I tried to quit for 2 nights six months ago and was shocked by the fact I couldn't (got out of bed at 9:45 and ran to the liquor store, afraid I'd have a nervous breakdown if it was already closed).

Ariesagain

Why would you want to go through all that again? The first few weeks can be rough and more often than not it gets worse every time you start over, particularly for us long-term drinkers.

As for "not that bad-itis"...a bottle of wine is five glasses. So that's five drinks a day, or 35 drinks a week. According to the Mayo Clinic website, the maximum recommended consumption for women is no more than one drink per day.

So that's five times the recommended amount every week for 20 years. (Not picking on you here...I did it, too.) At 28 extra drinks week x 52 weeks a year x 20 years...that's 29,120 drinks over the recommended healthy limit.

That's a lot to ask of our poor bodies, yes? Talk about punishing ourselves...

You're so close to starting to realize the benefits of not drinking...yes, it's a tough time of year, but you can start 2017 with a month sober...clear-eyed, rested, looking younger and feeling better about yourself.

Give your health a chance? You can do this!

Water441

Hey - I'm at 23 days and can relate re holidays. Frankly, if my job wasn't at stake I'd be taking this "leave of absence" they were kind enough to give me to clean up (rehab or you're fired) to get drunk a lot festively holiday party scene... so I added Antabuse to my early recovery plan so that drinking was just a physical impossibility, and pretty soon the rehab message started to make sense and I started to want it instead of just being scared into sobriety. I'm at like 50/50 now between wanting it and doing it because I have to, but I figure if I can get through the holidays sober I can get through any other month even easier. Stick with it and clang in the new year at over 30 days!!!

trying12345

Wow. That is shocking when you state it that way with those numbers. Also because that number is really much, much, much larger. The 1 bottle a night was only if I was home alone. All those nights out were much more. I hope I can do this. I really do.

trying12345

Good luck to you. It's great you went on Antabuse and are on this site. It seems you are really taking this seriously. Thanks for your encouragement. Much needed!

Ariesagain

I just read something brilliant in Mester's thread so I brought it over here in case you miss it...

"If you never pick it up, you never have to worry how to put it back down."

This!

gaffo

Making it through the holidays will be a major achievement that you can be proud of! Also, you may find, as I did, that the holidays are actually much easier with our being drunk or hungover all the time!

thomas11

I'm no expert, but if the above was the case when you tried to quit before, I strongly suggest you stick with it. You're at 20 days, that's awesome. No way you would to start this over again.

Water441

Hey, I have to work on the acceptance part a lot because damn am I tempted to "try" to be a "moderate drinker" again but that led to a first warning, a second warning, and a last chance at work and I love my job. So while deeply motivated to keep my job I know that's a huge part of why I'm actually taking this seriously this time - as if all the hundreds of other reasons aren't enough! It's VERY hard to accept - I struggle daily to accept this isn't temporary sobriety.

Luckily, I don't get cravings, I'm sleeping well, working out, organized, and learning a lot about self esteem and what led to my addiction, and hey I figure if I can stay sober WHILE I don't have to go to work AND during the holidays, I can stay sober during ANYTHING.

Delilah1

Hi Trying,

I just read Aries post and cringed a little (okay, a lot!) thinking that I have consumed at least that much wine in my past as well!

January 1st I will have one year, and I am glad I finally stuck with it. There is always going to be something else: the holidays, 3 day weekend, Super Bowl, Valentine's Day... or just the fact that you had a good/bad day, or that it is Tuesday.

You don't want to have to redo those first few weeks again. You will enter 2017 already having a month sobriety. Stick close to SR, read and post a lot. Have you joined the December class? How about the 24 hour thread? They are both good daily supports.

Hang in there, you've got this!!

trying12345

That is brilliant. I'll put it on my phone. I'm keeping random quotes like this handy on me to keep reading as motivation. Thank you.

Flyfisher125

Others have mentioned this and I can attest to its realism - kindling is a scary thing. I've relapsed 4 times over the last 3 years for 3 to 5 day binge sessions, the withdrawals only get worse each time. Stay clear knowing you are helping your future self avoid pain and suffering

trying12345

Thank you!!!!!

trying12345

This is a good warning. It would be great to be done with it.

trying12345

I made a mistake and made myself a virgin bloody Mary. I thought it was clever and would be helpful but for some reason it's just made it harder. What are all of your thoughts on things like non-alcoholic wine...?

Ariesagain

That works for some as sort of a placebo, for others, like me, it just wakes up the expectation of a buzz because all of the situational cues are there.

What works better for me are comforts that I never associated with alcohol...ice cream, hot chocolate, long walks, naps, homemade cookies. Maybe make a list of alternatives?

Is today three weeks? Hooray!!!!

ScottFromWI

The NA beer/wine question is asked quite frequently here. I think you may have already answered it for yourself above, no? For the most part I think that it leads to the real thing, or at least thoughts of the real thing. Seems like you kind of felt the same way about the drink you made?

There's lots and lots of other options out there for alcohol free drinks.

RecklessEric

Hi Trying.

I can take an non-al beer when I'm out but I don't really bother with it.

What I want to try get across is this: Your holidays will NOT be improved if you drink. Please try and see this.
Dashing home to your wine, leaping out of bed to get to the liquor store and worrying you'll have a nervous breakdown if it's shut- my friend that is the behaviour of somebody deep in active addiction.
20 days without that beast is a wonderful, wonderful start.
And that stuff only gets easier with time.
You have given yourself a real, fighting chance. Take it.