trying12345

You areright. It was a horrible, horrible decision. My mind is going to 'since I cheated with the virgin Bloody Mary, I might as well have a glass of wine now', which is so messed up since I didn't "cheat". It's like, any excuse I can give myself. I'm so angry I had that.

Ariesagain

NOT the worst decision you could have made by a country mile...but your addiction is now trotting out the oldest line in the book that since you made a bad decision (even though really, not), you are a terrible worthless person (because addiction loves perfectionism because there are so many "failures" that way), so therefore you might as well drink.

Such a cliched, pathetic attempt by your Alcoholic Voice. Stare it down, brush your teeth, and go for a walk.

Flyfisher125

I got myself a soda stream because I was buying so many carbonated beverages (non alcoholic). Carbonated drinks have become some what of a substitute for my alcohol.

Dee74

Just shut that AV down Trying, It's like a toddler with a tantrum. It;s quiet down and go to sleep if you don;t pay it attention.

D

trying12345

I know you and Aries are likely correct. But at the same time, it feels like a skipping record in my brain now that it didn't before I had that virgin bloody Mary. I didn't know I was taking a risk by having that! Now, what seemed unappealing before because I was so on this sober kick, seems so appealing now. I just can't get it out of my brain. I've already got a plan that I'll wait five days until Christmas and if it's not gone then enjoy the holidays with it then. Another part of me thinks, why not have one or rather admittedly a few tonight and then start off the holiday sober?? And I hate this. Because I felt so strong before and now that's all gone because of one stupid mistake I didn't realize was a mistake at all. I'm devastated. I can see where this is headed and I'm just so disappointed.

Ariesagain

If you're devastated over a non-alcoholic drink, how you going to feel with actual alcohol?

You have the power to stop this train. You've done it for three weeks.

Don't give up!!

Flyfisher125

Go for like a 30 to 40 minute walk just listening to music. That helps clear out some of the AV for me.

trying12345

Okay, I'm listening to everyone. it's amazing how strong I felt three days ago at 18 days sober and yet so week at 21 days. I'm learning a lot here though. For instance, I had never heard the term AV. I brushed my teeth and went on the walk. It did help to clear my head a bit. Here's where I'm at: I think the AVs used to sort of be my f'd up supporters/cheerleaders. They were on MY messed up team. Since this 21 day stretch is my first real attempt at quitting (I only lasted 2 days quite a while ago) this is my first time having to recognize the AVs as basically my enemy. So, I'm going to try to shut them down and have the voices screaming "21 days!" be louder. The walk helped. I wonder if that's chemical - endorphins/seratonin or whatnot. i'm stunned by how loud the alcoholic voices can be. Stunned. I thought this was going to be much, much easier. I thought I was going to be one of those people that quit and then wondered why everyone else could as well i'm stunned by how loud the alcoholic voices can be. Stunned. I thought this was going to be much, much easier. I thought I was going to be one of those people that quit and was done with it. Just done. Now I see this is much more challenging.

Ariesagain

Exercise is a HUGE help and every time you face down the voices you gain more confidence that you can and you get stronger and stronger. It's not linear, but it happens.

You had a really tough day yet you prevailed! I hope you give yourself some real credit for that?

trying12345

[QUOTE=Ariesagain;6253602]Exercise is a HUGE help and every time you face down the voices you gain more confidence that you can and you get stronger and stronger. It's not linear, but it happens.

You had a really tough day yet you prevailed! I hope you give yourself some real credit for that?

Interesting - I hadn't even thought of giving myself credit for that. I'll try. I was so stuck on the fixation that my mind hadn't jumped to trying to positively try to reinforce myself. Thank you for that advice, and your encouragement!

Ariesagain

Okay, so positive reinforcement is really important...make a list of ways you will reward yourself every sober day. One thing that has helped me is a sober calculator app on my phone...it shows me days sober and how much money I've saved every day not drinking. It's amazing how fast it adds up.

Tomorrow morning you will wake up without a sweaty, queasy hangover and that's one of the best rewards there is.

You've got this.

trying12345

Interesting - I hadn't even thought of giving myself credit for that. I'll try. I was so stuck on the fixation that my mind hadn't jumped to trying to positively try to reinforce myself. Thank you for that advice, and your encouragement!

trying12345

Thank you! downloading the sober calculator app right now. thank you thank you thank you!

trying12345

It's amazing that even hearing a stranger write "you've got this" helps. So strange how this works. But it does help so I appreciate it.