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Sober a long time? Tell me about it

Old 12-19-2016, 06:09 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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The first ninety days or so are the hardest. After that it gets easier. I'm sure it's different for everyone but there comes a day when you look up and realize that you aren't thinking about drinking/not drinking all the time anymore. For me it's just something I'm proud of now. I never really cared what other people thought of me anyhow, they don't have to look at me in the mirror every morning!
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Old 12-19-2016, 06:49 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi Water,

I'm so glad you are in rehab, and getting all of the tools you will need to continue to be sober when you are back to work.

I do not have long term sobriety, but I am less than two weeks away from one year, which is the longest for me. This will sound silly, but I am so excited to post in the "One year and over," thread!

I have learned through repeated failures that moderation didn't work for me. The first few weeks, even first three months or so I was so focused on the idea of not drinking. I started to shift my mindset to recovery, and making me the best me. I have read several great recovery books, and I am working on mindfulness. The thought of drinking rarely pops into my head anymore, and when it does the whole "play the tape through," really does work.

You can do this.
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Old 12-19-2016, 07:37 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
 
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I was Baker Acted about 10 years ago and it was during that stay in the psych ward that I decided I was never going to drink again. It was surreal to feel like I was in a bad lifetime movie, but it was in fact what my life had become. I prided myself on being good at my profession, a good mother, a person of character. But the reality was that over years of daily heavy drinking I had become a selfish and pretty sh*tty human being. That day I decided that, no matter what, I would hold myself to my personal values, the main one at that point was to never drink again. Of course over the years there were times a part of me wanted to drink, but I separated from that and didn't act on it, because to act on it would mean to lose my integrity. Been there already...never going back. I don't call myself "an alcoholic" nor do I think I have a lifelong disease. Alcohol doesn't cause problems in my life, because I don't drink it. If I were to drink it again, the likelihood of becoming re-addicted is extremely high. But that is a moot issue, since I don't drink alcohol, nor will I ever. It's not an option.

I had done some damage for sure. Mainly to my children, as I had attempted suicide. To them and to all others who were important to me, I told them I was sorry and that I would never drink again. The fact that I followed through on that and did not let them down again was the only way they began to trust me again and it was how my life began to be repaired.

Quitting drinking and changing your life is a big deal. A huge deal. It isn't an easy task and you should feel like a complete badass when you end an addiction. That said, it also isn't something I wear as an identity. I don't feel "different" or "unique" in any way. I just happen to be a nondrinker, like a gajillion other people in the world, and I go about living my life the best way I know how.
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Old 12-19-2016, 10:06 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hi water

Such a good question you pose - I drank for about 20 years, from the age of 12 onwards, and could not imagine a life without alcohol. It seemed just intrinsic, all the things you flag, the cost, shame, regret etc just inevitable and getting drunk again the only way of dealing with them. Maybe like you, I had to give up, I had problems at work but it was more of a last chance before losing my family.

I have now been sober for about 20 years and am certain I will never a drink again. I don't miss it, don't want to drink, would no more consider it than taking crack - less so because of all the harm it did me and my family. Some years ago we hit a run of problems - victims of violent crime, redundancy, sudden death of a parent - all in a a few months and even though I felt sick with anxiety for a time, especially about paying the mortgage, it never crossed my mind to drink. Possibly the fact that I had beaten alcohol - and dealt with other really difficult things to do with our kids health - made me a bit stronger, But tbh I had just realised I was going through a sh*t time, it would get better but alcohol could only make it much worse. When drinking I just could not have envisaged that I would not turn to alcohol in those circumstances. But even though things were tough, I was by this stage maybe 12-13 years sober: not drinking was part of coping with things in a way that the reverse used to be true.

I used to see alcohol as a friend, albeit a sort of manipulative oone. Now I guess it evokes the same gut reaction as someone bullying my child/hurting my dog/being cruel to my mother would do. My instinctive reaction to it has just changed from confused yearning to visceral dislike. Many people can drink without problems, I'm fine with that. But I'm even more fine with the fact that I,m part of the sizeable minority that can't.

Looking back in the shame and embarrassment etc, I really regret how I behaved at the time of my drinking with my wife. She had some terrible things to deal with and I am sorry that due to drinking I behaved badly, To be honest, apart from that, I'm no longer embarasssed about the things I did back then with work, friends etc. I behaved like people with drink problems do, sure I would have been more productive/a better friend etc, but with the passage of time hey've all got over it. Fortunately I stopped before it imaocted my (then young) kids, so, apart from my wife, I mostly hurt myself. And that's done, over, long in the past now.

Sorry for the long and rather empassioned reply, sounds like you have enough on your plate, Your post really resonated - what you are hoping for I guess is what I was too, but to be honest at the start didn't really imagine it to be possible, I had to stop, no option, but at the outset didn't really believe I could be free of alcohol, But free I am, and you can be too...

All the very best
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Old 12-20-2016, 12:06 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Sobriety?

I truly felt I was hopeless. I didn't think I'd ever stop. I joined this site four years before I stopped drinking. I spent four years trying to prove that I wasn't like everybody else here. I thought I'd find a way, some way, any way, to become a moderate drinker. I used to drink every night. Getting a day one was a monumental task. I have not had any alcohol in 2 1/2 years.

Here's what I can tell you about sobriety:

You have to want sobriety more than you want to drink. (You'll know when you get to this point.)

Sobriety is possible when you accept you'll never be a moderate drinker.

Accept defeat. Accept that you're just not wired to drink like most people you know.

Take it one day at a time.

You'll never have a hangover again.

It's hard at first but it gets much easier. I'm totally used to not drinking now. It's almost easy now.

There is no situation that drinking can't make worse.

You'll never wake up and wish you would've drank the night before.

You'll save a lot of money. My car payment now is what I used to spend on alcohol. $340 a month.
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Old 12-20-2016, 03:40 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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The key word for me was SURRENDER. I had to admit that I was utterly and totally defeated by my addiction. Only after surrendering could I face the prospect of remaining sober no matter what comes my way.
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