Relapse Day 2 - shame and depression

Old 12-19-2016, 06:35 AM
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Relapse Day 2 - shame and depression

I have drank for 34 years. Mostly binge drinker. Recently I had 4 months. The longest I ever had in my life. Well one damn drink let to the compulsion again. And with in one week I was back to weekend binge drinking, embarrassing and immoral behavior, blew so much money and the hangover. depression.

I reached out to someone I had met in AA and she is going to be my temp sponsor. I changed my cell number so drinking friends can't reach me and got off social media as well.

Ive never gone all in with AA. Always thought I could do it on my own. And guess thought I was cured after 4 months. (it went bad very quickly)

How do I deal with guilt and shame over my blackout actions. I am a completely different person once I get to that level.
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Old 12-19-2016, 06:41 AM
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AA never worked for me. I'm not the God type. What worked for me is talking to people. Coming to the realization that I'm alcoholic. I spent four years in sobriety. I was proud of it. Then, I lost track of that. Thought I could be like everyone else. I can't. I'm okay with that. Now, I have to crawl out of this hole again. Get me back to me
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Old 12-19-2016, 06:52 AM
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Ive never gone all in with AA. Always thought I could do it on my own.

Me either. And guess what? It never 'worked'. Haha. I laugh at that phrase when I hear people say it. Not in a nasty, laugh at someone way, but in an 'I relate' way. As the Big Book says, and I paraphrase, very few make AA their entire life and that isn't necessary. But half measures, and I would propose that I know when I'm only putting in minimal effort, avail me nothing.

I try to think about today. The steps are designed to help me deal with the shame and guilt of my actions. But it doesn't have to be dealt with right now, this minute. Just put one foot in front of the other. Don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help. Hang in there.
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Old 12-19-2016, 07:24 AM
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Welcome to the posting side of things Parablue. I'm glad you are seeking help here and that you've reached out to a sponsor. No matter what method or plan you choose, keeping at it daily and putting your all into it is the key.

Regarding your question about the guilt and shame, there really is no way to just make it go away - but time will help. Staying sober so those kinds of things never happen again is the best thing you can do today.
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Old 12-19-2016, 07:39 AM
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Old 12-19-2016, 11:42 AM
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I think there are many people that literally can't have that first drink or its all over. It sounds like your might fit that criteria? You had 4 months so you know its possible, and how good it feels. Dust off and get back at it eah?
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Old 12-19-2016, 12:20 PM
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Nice to meet you ParaBlue
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Old 12-19-2016, 12:42 PM
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I worked AA with a view to achieving permanent recovery, and I was willing to do whatever it took. I haven't needed to drink since.
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Old 12-19-2016, 12:58 PM
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Hi and welcome parablue

I'm glad you've decided to go with AA - it sounds like it represents a step forward for you, a definitive action and a change to what you might have done before.

Shame and Guilt plagued me for a while but I came to see that there's nothing I can do about what happened yesterday. It's done.

I can do a lot with my today tho - and the best way to deal with such things is to ensure that I stay sober.

Pretty soon I was so bound up in living a great new life that the shame and the guilt of the past receded from memory.
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