terall

Please Note...This is my personal experience and opinion.

I do not believe anyone when they say they drink for any other reason but that alcohol gives a buzz they cannot get from anything else.
I see excuses (like I used to use)
"I am depressed, that's why I drink"
"I am stressed, that's why I drink"
"I cannot cope, that's why I drink"
"I have deep seated issues, that's why I drink"

In my drinking days, I would get outraged, if anyone even suggested I drank for the pleasure the first buzz brought.
Didn't they know my problems?

Thing is, a lot of people tried to help with these "problems"
My doctor gave me anti-depressants, but said not to drink with them, or they would not work. I took them and I drank..and they didn't work! So instead of stopping the drinking, and trying to treat my depression properly, I stopped taking them and drank because I was "depressed"

My doctor sent me for stress management, but most of the time I was too drunk or hung over to go to the classes. How stupid, expecting me to get to the classes when I felt so ill off the drink!

I was sent to see a therapist, for my "issues" I would walk straight out of his office to the bar across the street, and drink because it felt so good, having someone sit and listen and know what I was "going through"

If I was serious about any of the problems of depression, stress, or "issues" being so disabling that I could not function without drink to "numb" them, I would have wanted them fixed asap.

Fact was, drink didn't numb me, it made me feel good, those first few, made me feel good. And I wanted to be in that euphoric state the first few put me in...forever

And the times I felt happy, why drink then? I wasn't feeling down, depressed or stressed, I felt good and I wanted to add a little alcohol buzz to that mix to feel even better, because no buzz was as good as the alcohol buzz, even a natural buzz was missing something without it!

Once I accepted the real reason I drank, and stopped it, most of my "stress and depression" disappeared, because alcohol was causing most of it, also causing the inability to cope.
My "issues" I got sorted with a clear head, long after I gave up the drink.
Just like a person who had never drank in their lives, but had the same sort of problems would "fix" their "issues"

terall

PS I will just add, as I am too late to edit, that although I wanted to bask in the good feelings of "the first few" drinks, it never stopped there, always on to total drunkeness, which was nasty and caused untold trouble. But it was the trying to make the first few turn into constant, never ending, euphoria I (or rather my Beast, as I later came to recognize) was forever chasing.

ScottFromWI

I'm glad you've accepted your addiction for what it is and moved on. That's the hardest part in my opinion.

flg1412

I'm with you terall, I used to drink because I like the buzz. That's it. No other reason. I'm laid back so don't get stressed really, have a wonderful marriage, great kids, I don't get unhappy about anything apart from when I was drinking where I would be unhappy that I couldn't drink in moderation.

It is what it is. I am glad that I miss the buzz less and less and the clarity of getting sober has become what I chase rather than the temporary buzz from before.

terall

Funnily enough flg, I have found, that without chemical interference, I am a very calm happy person , mostly... I am only human as well haha
No buzz is worth your peace of mind, that's for sure.
Adding though, through AVRT, I have learnt, even when I do have emotional upsets, that is still no reason to go running to the bottle, even though there might be the urge there to do so. That urge (to get a buzz on) will take advantage of any situation to be sated.

terall

*TRY* to take advantage of any situation

Upstairs

I agree with a lot of your post. Terall. I drank for years only because I enjoyed the pleasure alcohol gave me, despite the negatives associated with it. At first. Long term use, not so much. What was once a bad habit becomes an addiction, a serious health problem. Eventually, heavy drinking isn't about that buzz at all. I rarely got that. It was mostly trying to deal with the withdrawals. I'd drink to keep the shakes and DTs at bay. Who in their right mind drinks, vomits it back up, and keeps drinking. All day. For days. Just my experience.

entropy1964

Well I don't know about anyone else for sure. And its not my place to judge whether a person understands ME and MY opinion.

I do know I have 'issues'. Most of them are from a long time ago. But like you said, those issues don't go away when I drink. Drinking just causes more issues and kind of distracts me from the real work at hand.

I did drink because I realized it was a social lubricant. But really, I don't need that social lubricant if I just accept who I am and allow that person to be, feel and act in harmony with my authentic self. Rather than trying to be someone else that, for whatever reason (childhood/my perception of society), I felt I had to be. Being social (which is rare for me) is not my natural state. And I know now that that is ok.

Drinking 'over' something is an excuse and a rational for me. For me, simply put, it means I have no other coping mechanisms for that something other than alcohol. My brain is habituated to crave alcohol to cope during periods of high stress and anxiety. But I can and am learning other ways of coping. And until I have learned these 'ways' as well as I've learned how to drink, I have to be conscious of my reactions and feelings in order to halt any and all desires to drink.

The 'how' of doing that is up to the individual. If folks are anything like I am, then 'using' 'reason's' for their alcoholism, while understandable and even accepted, is a cop out.

JeffreyAK

I can't say alcohol gave me anything but relief, towards the end. I didn't drink because it was intensely pleasurable or euphoric, because it wasn't - it was just the only thing that made me feel "normal", after the new normal became "pickled" and the alternative was "horrible". That's one of the areas I break philosophically with RR, the idea that we drink because we're hedonists doesn't speak to me at all.

zjw

I have to agree. I think its important that we do what we can to resolve our health issues first simpel things like not drinking eating a proper diet and excercise go a long way to resolve issues and these are easy things we can try first.

I had high cholesterol at one point my doc said meh fix it with diet. A family member who is also an MD freaked out said I should be on lipitor pronto stat. I said nah i'm goinna do what my doc said and fix it with diet. Sure enough i was able to resolve it with diet and avoid medications.

Sometimes that old commonsense wisdom our grandmotehr woulda told us is all we need. Its funny too cause as i sobered up it was all stuf i'd heard before and been told before eat your veggies be wiser with your money excercise more dont smoke its bad for you dont drink pay your bills on time etc.. it was all stuff i new and had been told it was not some big secret. But I just was too busy drinking to be bothered with what I should be doing.

terall

oops, two posts jumped up when writing this one..see below!

terall

I understand what you are saying Frickaflip, but if you go "deeper" than the reasons you give yourself why you drank, would you not say, you drank because you looked forward to the pleasure alcohol gave you?
What I mean is, if someone invented a pill, say, that could take away stress and anxiety including social anxiety, but you didn't feel any high, any pleasure from it, would you have chosen to take the pill or the alcohol?
I asked myself that once, and was shocked at my answer to myself haha
I don't halt any desires to drink, I seperate from them. But as you say, the "how" is up to the individual, so I won't get into that haha
I agree with you wholeheartedly any "reason" anyone may "find" for drinking, is a cop out!

terall

I think addiction with physical dependence is a bit different to addiction without physical dependence.
Having said that, the times I have been physically dependent and drank more to feel "normal" it didn't make me feel normal..it took me out of a nasty uncomfortable withdrawal situation, and back into the feeling of being wrapped in cottonwool against the world

entropy1964

Oh for sure. I loved getting high, in the beginning. I love being high period, just don't really like the high from other drugs. I can get high in a lot of ways too....people can even make me high. I get 'yoga brain' after a hot yoga session. So yeah, of course. But it isn't black and white. My alcoholism is an addiction and has a whole different 'methodology' than simply enjoying being high.

I was having dinner last night with the kid and I heard someone yell out 'Shots' from the bar and my addiction snapped to attention. Halt it, detach from it, tell it 'down boy', whatever works. It wasn't a big deal 'this time'. But there will be times it is. My addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. But I accept it will always be there because it simply is. I don't try to 'understand' it. I can't.

However an alcoholic detaches from their addiction is up to them. Semantics don't matter. I think we're saying pretty much the same thing in this regard

terall

Yes, I agree, once the drinking has stopped, nutrition can go a long long way in the healing and making you feel good! And so can being responsible and having a feeling of control over your life! Things like you said, we have been told all our lives, but come as new again when we stop drinking haha

ScottFromWI

I think we all have multiple reasons why we drank terall. We are all different and certainly the initial pleasure alcohol gave us is a factor.

For example, at the end of my drinking career I drank simply to keep from withdrawing and to keep my heart rate below 100. I got no pleasure at all from drinking - quite the opposite. I can vividly remember forcing the first beer of the day down my throat and almost immediately vomiting it back up. At some point I'd be able to get a few sips down and get my BAC back up to it's acceptable maintenance level. But in no way shape or form was I getting any pleasure from drinking at all - I was drinking simply because I had do. I really didn't want to but I did anyway because I would have ended up in the hospital if didn't. And that's exactly where I ended up the last time I did quit.

terall

Well I dunno, I must be different to everyone else. Even when I was "keeping the DT's at bay" I still felt the comfort of more drink (if I could keep it down, and yes, Ive vomited and then drank more lots of time, especially in the mornings, for days and days on end).
The times I have stopped (apart from the last one) was when I could no longer get ANY drink down, or the drink I could get down wasn't enough to comfort me.
By addiction, I mean when you are in "two minds" about alcohol use. Physically dependant is something else., I do think when your body is physically dependant, medical help should be sought before you stop

terall

This is all getting very convoluted. What I was stating in the original post was, people START drinking or use excuses to START again once they have stopped, for the pleasure of it.
For the pleasure of the buzz of the first few, which always seems to come to mind without the nasty stuff at first.
Of course, no one would drink if we skipped the first buzz and went to the sick as death phase, which is down to the physical dependence.
Yet time and again people (me) would get through the sick as death phase, de-tox, and then again think drinking is a good idea..why? So you can knock yourself sick as death again? Or because you are liking the thought of the inital effects a few drinks will have?

ScottFromWI

We are all just sharing our own experiences terall. There is no one "right" answer to getting sober, I'm very glad you have found yours.

JeffreyAK

That might describe you, but not "people" because other folks may be different from you. For me, what got me drinking again after a period of stopping was addiction, not longing for pleasure.