Mester

The worst part of alcoholism is the lying. The deceiving. The feel sorry for me, "I'm suffering".
I'm an alcoholic. I don't know why I drink. But I do.
I left the comforts of my home and drank. The feelings got the best of me. I hate myself.
Sobriety rebrings itself at 8 o'clock

Algorithm

You don't know why you drink?

Are you sure about that?

tomsteve

welp, there is a simple answer as to why, and you answered it partially with the 1st sentence:
youre an alcoholic with untreated alcoholism.
i hope you decide,after getting rid of the alcohol, to look into the different treatment options available.

Dee74

I think you need a better plan that whatever you've been doing Mester.

'The feelings got the best of me' is kind of a victim statement - the feelings did it - an absolving statement much like 'I drink because I'm an alcoholic'

You don't have to let the feelings get the best of you, and you don't have to drink.

You're in the drivers seat here - you just need a better map and a few new tools

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

PhoenixJ

Stick with SR- follow up on Dee.

Mester

Yeah. Bc I'm an alcoholic. But thank you for letting me know again. Much appreciated.Forgive me if I don't offer you my hand

Mester

Thanks Dee. My wife and I are going to have a long talk tonight. I don't deserve this woman. But she stands by me through good times and bad

August252015

Do you want our help and support or not?

ByHisLove

The lying, deceiving and feeling sorry for yourself may be the worst part, but the best part is that you can stop all off those things by committing to your sobriety and getting help.

It seems like you were getting mad at people for trying to help. I don't know where is be without the support of everyone here. You should really try to be open to advice. Even though it hurts sometimes when we have to see the harsh reality of our addiction, humbly accepting help and advice only makes us better. Prayers.

Mester

I got help. I went to the hospital. Our alcoholic minds. ALWAYS getting the best of us. But thank you for caring

tomsteve

ONLY when we allow our alcoholic minds to get the best of us does it get the best of us.

glad ya went to the hospital.
did they advise you on follow up care?

dwtbd

One of , if not the worst part, is the feeling that It has the upper hand, It can/will always control us.
Dig deep find the authentic you , the you before the addiction took the upper hand and dispel the notion, take back and keep the power. The idea that It has any power is illusion, break and destroy that illusion.
Rootin for ya

ByHisLove

You're welcome, I do care. I'm glad you went to the hospital, but I was thinking more like getting help about the mental aspects of your addiction. Do you have support in that way? AA, or a counselor?

I felt so much freedom when I finally learned that I don't have to let me addiction control me. I don't have to let it take the best of me. It doesn't have power over me unless I allow it to. I'm starting to learn when my addiction is lying to me and deceiving me. My addiction wants me sick, but by getting support, I can choose not to drink and use. I can take back all of the power. As long as I don't listen to any evil lie that involves me drinking or using, I can be well.

Learning about AVRT has helped me alot. It's helped me see my addiction in a way I never had before. You should check it out if you've never heard of it.

EndGameNYC

There is absolutely no truth in this statement. Just another branch on the tree of denial.

Mester

There is ABSOLUTE truth in this. I spent 4 years in sobriety wondering why I couldn't be like everyone else. Then when I thought I could, I found out I couldn't.
I was a social drinker again. I could turn it off and on again. Or so I thought. In the matter of months I fell back into my drunken stupidness.
Now, I sit here wallowing in my withdrawal, wondering how I got here again. Day 1. I'm angry at myself, with my thoughts.
Time is on your side, as they say. But time for me is moving too slow. I want this to be over. I did this to myself .

Sorry for my rambling. It's just my alcoholic mind

biminiblue

I've had quite a bit of DNA testing done (for pharmaceutical/prescription drug reactions in the past.)

It has been shown through these tests that my liver enzymes and the genotype that I inherited create in me the inability to properly or to completely metabolize certain prescription drugs. This kind of phamacogenetic testing has been mainstream for many years. Personalized medicine. I don't think it's much of a leap to suspect that there is a particular genotype or mutation in some people that causes the incomplete or faulty metabolism of alcohol. The proof may already be out there. I know I cannot take certain drugs that are commonly prescribed, and I have a scientific test result to prove it. I also know I can't drink safely.

It's just the way I was born. I don't even think it takes much of a stretch to believe. I mean, look at Native Americans and the Innuit. They have a high rate of alcoholism. I am convinced it's genetic. If that is the case, what is there to accept? Can't change my parents.

Dee74

I spent 20 years not being able to master my 'alcoholic mind'
I've spent the last nearly ten years securely sober and happy.

A couple of things changed. I gave up on the idea of ever being able to drink alcohol again; and I worked hard to fix those things in my life that made me unhappy, even when I was sober.

My mind is no longer damaged and works great.

Mester - while I'm here - try and not take every disagreement as a personal attack

My ideas and perceptions now are different to what they were on day one, or even year one.

There's a lot of people here with vary lengths of recovery, and varying communication skills.

If you start from a base assumption that everyone's trying to help and everyone wants to see you succeed at this, you won't go far wrong


D

ByHisLove

So, for 4 years your alcoholic mind wasn't getting the best of you, you were sober, you had control. You will never be like people that aren't alcoholics, you can't drink in moderation. The best thing you can do is stop wondering why you can't be like them and just learn to be like you.

Not drinking has many postive sides; no hangovers, not damaging your body, not doing things you regret, not doing things you have no memory of. Why not focus on the positive sides of sobriety? What are you really missing out on by "not being like everyone else"?

What is so great about being a social drinker anyhow? Even people that aren't alcoholics have many negative effects from booze, just to a lesser degree.

Did you really hate your 4 years of sobriety that much? That is such an accomplishment. It seems like you should be excited about getting back there again. What am I missing?

thomas11

This is just my opinion, but spending time trying to solve the riddle of the alcoholic mind is fruitless. If you could, you'd be a very wealthy man. I tried to solve the riddle, tried to think my way through it or out of it. I gave up. It wore me out.

I started focusing my mental energy on not drinking, and sobriety. That seems to be something I actually could accomplish (at least so far).

Something to think about.

Algorithm

That the force of addiction, which is responsible for the inverted style of thinking referred to here as the alcoholic mind, doesn't care about civilized life, the supportive wife, or the three kids. It only cares about dignifying and preserving its precious option of more drinks, at everyone's expense.

Some are unwilling to entertain the idea that it need not be viewed as self, and obeyed as such. I am not my body, and alcoholic desire is not my desire, but that of my body. The alcoholic mind is not my mind, but simply an expression of my body's misguided desire for alcohol.

It, not I, is the alcoholic.