Question
 

Hi,

I'm on day 18, which is a huge accomplishment for me. I'm wondering if I could have some advice from someone farther along on their journey. I had a bottle of wine for a night for about 20 years (I'm 40 now). It was hell to quit at first (I thought each night I might break and go to the liquor store), but now I know I won't mess up. I tend to be quite OCD so I'm kind of obsessed with quitting drinking right now so I feel strongly I won't break. I guess I'm surprised I'm still craving alcohol. I can't explain it really, but it's not like I want the wine, rather I want to stop feeling unbalanced. I know if I had a glass of wine, I'd actually feel more stable. It's like my brain is telling me it needs to the wine, even though the though of the taste of it is not appealing to me. My question it: how can I crave something when thought of the taste of it is so unappealing to me right now? Does anyone understand what I'm saying?

It's called addiction trying, and yes ...we do understand what you are saying. Congrats on 18 days, that's a great start! It's important to remember though that just removing the alcohol does not remove the alcoholism. Do you follow any sort of formal recovery program or group?

Yes, I guess you are right. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that applies to me. I was in denial for so long. I don't presently follow a program. I just don't really understand the programs. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day in college and quit and it was hell. But, I got over it and now don't smoke. I guess I thought drinking would be the same. I'm reading and learning that programs are essential when it comes to quitting drinking, though.

And thank you for your reply!

Below is a link to a great thread that talks about lots of different programs and how many have used them. Some people use more than one too. And it's very common to feel confused, you are going through a major change in your life. I also gave up nicotine about 5 years ago and while it was very hard initially, it was a lot easier than getting sober for me too.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Thank you! I'll check this all out!

For 20 years your brain has taught itself, conditioned itself to have that wine. Behaviourally, the ritual of getting it, the chemical changes and subsequent physical reaction/emotional 'reward' thing. Then all of a sudden your brain decides enough is enough. But your brain is having a hard time unlearning and is also chemically/physically changing. Takes time. If you are feeling anything physically or emotionally different, perhaps go see your doctor. Anxiety and depression hit me very hard, on top of a lot of other stuff.

I'm so grateful for everyone's comments. Thank you!

This all looks very helpful. I appreciate it.

After 20 years of regularly ingesting large amounts of alcohol, your brain has come to expect it. It may even view it as necessary at this point, but it should re-adjust to not expecting it in about 90 days.

That's not to say that the thought of drinking won't re-appear after 90 days, but it shouldn't feel quite as 'intense' by then. It should taper off in time, with occasional peaks here and there.

It can be the same, in that you can become a common teetotaler, akin to an ex-smoker, without devoting your entire life to a process of recovery. However, alcohol is a little bit stronger than nicotine, so the corresponding drive to drink alcohol is also a little bit stronger.

I don't know. Why would I crave something that destroyed everything good in my life?

It is! ;) That's what addiction does, and it can take a long time to get through what people refer to as post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS), during which we can crave alcohol, dream about alcohol, feel unsettled and anxious, etc. Lots of information out there on the symptoms, but it's common and normal.

I absolutely know what you are saying, Trying. This is the nature of addiction, why it is so hard to get and stay sober. To "normal" people alcohol is the problem, to the alcoholic it is the solution. The cravings do get less frequent and less intense over time, but for the first weeks and months, they are part of the process. This is how your central nervous system responds to abstinence after being conditioned to alcohol. It is not comfortable to experience, but it is temporary and normal. When you feel cravings, occupy yourself - typically they only last ten to fifteen minutes. Ride it out, this is a sign that you are healing.

Congrats on 18 days!

Quitting 20 years of chewing tobacco has been cake compared to quitting drinking. At least for me, anyway.

While I am excited to one say feel more stable, not crave alcohol, save money, sleep better, exercise more, etc....I am still mourning, i guess, not being able to drink like a "normal" person. I know I can't. I know if I have one drink tonight, I will have the whole bottle. Then I'd have a bottle every night. But, I already miss being able to have drinks with friends/family. For me, and for them, those were fun times. It's still sad for me to think that those times are over. Of course, I am aware those times don't outweigh all the countless negatives, but it still feels unfair. I better get off this train of thought. Doesn't seem like a good one.

See, that's one of the lies addiction uses, that you'll never have fun that way again. You will ultimately be surprised at how little alcohol contributed to those good times and in fact, usually detracted.

That's for much later, though, when you have being sober firmly in hand. But it will happen.

The body is trying to get back on its old cycle of boozin' each day. This happens becuase the brain doesn't forget. It remembers. With time, it will feel normal not to drink each and every night since the habitual practice of not drinking will replace the yearning urge to get back on the alcohol gravy train.

Thanks for all the advice. What I'm trying to wrap my mind around is a life without alcohol. It seems like it is a part of everything. As teenagers, we all wanted to sneak out and have a beer, then college at the bars, now adult cocktail parties, etc. I know after the kids go to bed on Christmas Eve, everyone else will be having wine and cocktails, etc. I guess I feel in a way that life with alcohol (which SOOOO much easier) will also be boring. I hope I get over that feeling. It is horrible for me (I just go home and have a bottle of wine, never socialize), now I feel like how can I socialize, everything is surrounded by alcohol. I try to find excursions to "get out there", but it seems so hard. I look up cooking classes, and they say "bring your own wine!" I just don't know how to "get out there" sober. Perhaps I'm too early in the game to even be thinking about getting out there. I now know why AA says to stay single for a year. How can you think about dating when you don't yet know who you are as a sober person. So many new thoughts to figure out!

"It seems like it is a part of everything."

it seems like it is, probably because everything you've done included alcohol. probably had the same blinders on I had on.
but it isn't a part of everything. in fact, now that im sober, I see it a lot less than I perceived when I was drinking.

" I now know why AA says to stay single for a year."
that's said by people in AA, but the program of AA doesnt say that.
and personal experience? I only attracted someone as sick as myself and it wasn't a very fun relationship.

I'm sure everyone is right on everything above. I felt much stronger yesterday than today, not sure why. I keep thinking about how, before my dad died 2 years ago, I got deeply depressed which made my drinking worse. I just feel like there are multiple events I was at where I just acted in a way others would surely consider odd, bc I don't necessarily seem under the influence when I am. I've heard this often by friends/family. Basically, I'm so ashamed and embarrassed by my behavior, which surely made me unlikeable to many, that it's making me WANT to drink to soothe my embarrassment, at least temporarily. I'm not sure how I can come to peace with that past. I hate it, be if I had some illness like cancer I could tell people that, but being depressed/alcoholic is not what I personally would feel comfortable sharing with, for instance, people in my neighborhood. I feel like there's a lot of people that look at me like, "that girl's weird and got issues", and I hate that. My friends/family/co-workers know the real me and it crushes me to think of those who think that sick me is the real me, not knowing I was/am sick. Any advice I'd appreciate greatly.