Mester

I'm an alcoholic. Been one for years. Remember when I became one. Father's day, June 19th, 2005. Didn't mean to become one. But I remember the day my wife told me she was pregnant with our first. April 25, 2005. I was so excited that at midnight, on Mother's day, less than a month later, I gave her her first Mother's day gift. 1 month later, I guess my expectations were too high. I didn't even get so much as a high 5. Put me in a depression that you could not believe. Toss in blowing out your same knee twice in 3 years, getting pregnant again, a job that drained your life and I was a full blown alcoholic. Drank my depression away. One day I decided to quit. COLD TURKEY!!! Grand Mal seizure later. I wake up in the hospital. Stay sober for 3 months. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. Relapse. I'm up to 1.75 every 2-3 days. Wife says she's pregnant with #3 and gives me the ultimatum. Bottle or us. I choose them. Stay sober 4 years. Become the man I was meant to be. Start my dream job. 5 months in, coworkers say let's get some beers. Beginning of the end. I have one. Call it a night. 8 months later I'm binging a 1.75 liter of vodka on my 3 off days. I work 6 on, 3 off. I'm ready again. I finished the last bottle I bought at 11:59, so I could start the day anew at 12:00.

Mester

I found this site looking for something other than AA. I won't knock it, but I'm not the God type, if you know what I mean. I did AA for a year and it convinced me of nothing. I stayed sober for 3 years without it

Bunting23

Do it, start the day anew, you already know how to do it! You can! Thank you for sharing!

PhoenixJ

4 years up, so you know what not to do. What works and what does not. Thanks for the share. Prayers to you, PJ.

totfit

Just remember that after this first week or so, life gets a lot easier. You have done it before, so you already know. The first week or so is going to be tough, but the other side of it is worth it. Keep your eye on the prize. Sending sober energy your way.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Mesfer, glad you are making sobriety a priority again. SR is a community that is not based in any specific recovery method so whatever you decide to use is welcome and open for discussion. What exactly was your plan before? 3 years is a great achievement!

Mester

@ScottWI 4 years. Talk to people. That's the key. I have the tools in the toolbox, I just need the willingness to fix it. I have a wonderful Employee Assistance Program. I know I said I got nothing from AA. I got one thing. Through all my embarrassment about being there, not wanting to be seen by the members of my community. I realized one thing, they're just like me. Talking to people is the key. I have them, this group, and one other.

I'm expecting a rough couple of days. I will go on my own until and/or if it's not medically safe. I have a wife, who I don't deserve but sticks by me through good times and bad, by my side.

Sober is they key and I have found the door. Time to open it again