dotboston

The past few years my partner and I have been taking December vacations somewhere warm. This year, we got a good deal on an all-inclusive resort in the Carribean and decided to try it out.

I just celebrated 5-years on November 29th, my partner is not an AA but does drink lightly here and there. He's super supportive of my sobriety and that's a huge help.

Since we've arrived, it's been booze everywhere. From when you get out of the shuttle from the airport, to booze in your room (bottles of hard stuff even, champagne and beer). Even at dinner, they brought drinks we didn't even order to the table (specialty rum drinks). Fairly annoying.

Then you have the folks who come here to just drink drink drink. They are also fairly annoying. They just talk about what they are drinking, their hangovers, the rum distillery, blah blah blah. I had to walk away from a few groups of folks just because I found it so boring and tedious to listen too.

Oddly I didn't find all of this particularly triggering. If anything, it is a turn off and a reminder as to what I am NOT missing out on.

But then something really bad happened. We were over at the beach, and approached the beach bar to get something to drink. The bartender was really trying to push the liquor on me. "Do a shot of tequila!". I reiterated at least 3 times "No thank you, I actually don't drink. At all. Ever. Can't drink.". She was like you want a virgin drink, are you a virgin? Oh ha ha. Whatever, I can deal with that.

I was thirsty so I ordered just a soda with a lime. Fine. Then I took a sip, and it was not just soda. I could taste gin. The bartender started laughing "Oh ha ha, I threw some gin in there, it'll be good for you.".

What. The. F.

My partner had only half heard what was going on and I poked him and was like "She put gin in my drink". We excused ourselves and walked away from the bar. I was furious but stunned.

Anyway, I decided to report the incident. I found a hotel manager and explained the situation and that I was sober and this was extremely serious. He seemed to be very genuine and concerned about what had happened. He did mention they do a lot of training of the staff for sensitivity around many things, but alcholism was one where they need to improve upon.

So hopefully my actions helped. There are many people who aren't alcoholic who don't drink because of health issues, religious beliefs, etc.

I don't think I "slipped" or "relapsed". I had one small sip, it wasn't intentional, and I certainly didn't get drunk! But the thought of this stupid incident resetting my sobriety or leading to something terrible did cross my mind.

I felt it was important to share as a warning to others. And... avoid these resorts! Otherwise we've had a nice time, but I'm all set with this booze fueled fiesta!

BrendaChenowyth

It does not reset your sobriety because the intention wasn't there.. it wasn't a relapse!

I would have had a few choice words for the bartender. I am glad, if the manager was sincere, that the staff might get more training on this topic. Good for you, for approaching him about it, you did the right thing. And I am really glad to hear that being immersed in that culture is not a trigger but rather reinforces your values. That's so awesome.

PhoenixJ

Do not think an over reaction. That is dangerous and illegal. What else does that bar tender do- perhaps something special in the ladies drink so he can have a happy time later? Very unsafe. Good for you.

tomsteve

you handled that well,dot. it is quite important to remember that some people just don't get it.

BrendaChenowyth

He don't get much of anything, if you ask me!

Maudcat

This brings up an interesting point and question. I have heard that the Sandals and Couples all inclusive resorts are booze-laden events. But I don't know anything about other resorts. How can one find out before booking? I would want to avoid such places, only because they sound kinda one-subject and boring.

NewRomanMan

That was a ****** thing of that bar tender to do. I'm thankful it didn't trigger a craving for you. That would have been my worry had it been me. Amazing how stupid some people can be. Not to be a drama king, but had that happened to the wrong person, who knows how that could have turned out? May have put someone in serious danger.

Dee74

I'm really sorry that happened. I'm glad you reported it Dot.
Good to see you too btw - hope the rest of your vacation is a good one

D

dotboston

Thanks all. It was actually a lady bartender!

I found out today they were serving moonshine too. Things are very different (this isn't in the US or territories).

I'd say if a resort is all inclusive, it's probably the same deal. Talking to some folks at the resort they seem to indicate it's the same deal everywhere.

least

I'm glad you reported it too. That was rude and insensitive, and could have been dangerous. What if you had a physical allergy to alcohol?? Bartender was way out of line.

soberlicious

Oh hellz no. That bartender would have been very sorry that she did not give me exactly what I ordered. She has a job to do and that is to serve me what I order. The fact that it was booze served to someone who doesn't drink is secondary to me. The main problem for me is that this chick has got some nerve. This wasn't a mistake, this was her changing your order on purpose. I would be no less angry if the waiter decided to bring me steak instead of the chicken I ordered because "It'll be good for me." Guess what? Other people don't get to make decisions about what I eat or drink. Yeah, she wouldn't have liked me too much, that's for sure.

RainbowBird

Oh my, I'm glad you reported it and had a good time, besides that.

D122y

Dot,

Until folks walk in our shoes, they think drinking is fine.

The bartender was wrong. I am sure their mind is warpd from alcohol and maybe other drugs.

I love all inclusive resorts because now I enjoy the food so much more. I pass up the booze and get an extra dessert.

I just don't drink anymore.

I try to keep it simple.

We went to cancun last summer and I had a blast being sober the whole time. I ate good and worked out a bunch.

I was able to experience everything so purely being 100% clean.

Thanks.

Grungehead

If it was me that bartender would have been wearing that drink.

I personally try to avoid any event/trip that's "all inclusive" if I'm not going to be participating in all of the stuff that's included in the price. Not because I'm worried that I would be tempted to drink, but because I'm cheap and not willing to pay for stuff I'm not getting.

teatreeoil007

Never done an all inclusive resort thingy....was the food good? Anyways, I have heard there is a lot of booze at those things and even if you don't initiate a drink order the staff still tries to "persuade" people to imbibe. In some places some of the specialty drinks cost extra and that is where those resorts make more of a profit margin.

YoungHyde25

It seems like for alot of bartenders the concept of alcoholism doesn't exist. Back when I went to bars most of them were fine with over serving you. Alot of times they act like they don't hear you when you say you're done and they get you another drink.

I think alot of people like to pretend things like alcoholism and drug abuse don't exist or aren't that serious. It doesn't fit into their fun worldview, it's the same way with mental illness.

BrendaChenowyth

I was a server in a sports bar once, and in retrospect, I over served a few people.. but I was 20. What's his excuse lol

teatreeoil007

I sometimes think of this as "collective denial".

Why would this be? Well, partly because people like to avoid "unpleasant" things....and the fact that addiction exists and destroys lives is unpleasant. So, the "unpleasant truth" could be staring them right there in the face, but they are in denial....

Delilah1

My husband and I went to a Sandals in Jamaica in 2001 for our honeymoon. Alcohol was definitely present from morning til night. I was not sober at the time, but reflecting back on that vacation it would not be one I would choose today.

I think an all inclusive family resort may be different, but I could definitely be wrong.

soberlicious

Well that may be true, but since when does any server anywhere make decisions about what a customer drinks based on their personal beliefs?? If I were a vegan, would I change everyone's dinner orders from steak to tofu? It doesn't matter what a bartender believes or doesn't believe. She way overstepped her bounds. It's not her job to decide, it's her job to serve the drink the customer orders. I get trying to push the booze, because that's where the $ is...but to just go ahead and make a drink with booze because you think someone should be drinking? lol No.