mayeve

.....was a success!

Backstory:

My family are all very heavy drinkers. (go figure)

So yesterday my parents arrived. My dad starting cracking open really good beers (IPA's, my fav) and my mom popped open a bottle of wine (another weakness of mine) within an hour of arriving. They drank, had a good time. My husband (who is a great support for me and 100% has my back) had a few beers with my dad - no big deal.
I drank hot tea, and they didn't even notice. If they did, they didn't say anything. Everyone had fun and it was all good. I did fine. Had a few instances where I had to step out of the room and take a few deep breaths, but it was good.

Now the real test is Friday. My 2 brothers and their wives arrive. Staying until Sunday. All heavy drinkers. So I'll have 6 of them around me.

I can do this! (right?!?)

2ndhandrose

YES, you can do this!!

biminiblue

Not only can you do this, but you will be super proud of yourself when you do.

Can you make a plan to leave and go somewhere else if it gets to be too much? A movie by yourself, or the library, or the mall, or a walk. At some point someone is likely to comment...are you prepared for the questioning?

We/someone is always here. You can always come here if they start to get to you.

I've done many a family get-together without drinking, while they all drank. You've already proven to yourself you can do it.

I had more problems with just my family's crazy behavior in general. I'm thinking maybe I might have annoyed them a time or two, as well.

mayeve

I often go for walks anyway so that's probably what I'll do if it gets too much. Nobody will think that's unusual.

As for being prepared what to say, I plan to say (but only if asked) that I'm trying to get into a healthier lifestyle and alcohol hasn't been helping the cause. End of story. I'm not going to JADE. (Justify, Apologize, Defend, Elaborate) (((picked that term up on a different board, completely unrelated to sobriety))) and I think of it often. I'm trying to live by it. Asked and answered. I don't owe anybody anything extra. My life, my business.

zjw

geeze kudos to you i know thats not easy at all. I once had to pick up food in a bar and was liek twitchen watching everyone drink while i waited for the food to be ready.

My best advice is dont be afraid to leave the situaton if you need a breather etc...

The other upside is these victories add up and make you stronger it gets easier the more times you beat it.

biminiblue

JADE is pretty big in my life, too.

Sometimes I say, "No," and people want an elaboration...like I owe it to them?

Yeah, no. Good for you, you've got this.

mayeve

Totally. I just have to remind myself like 14,983 times a day, but it works. I don't owe you an explanation. You don't like it? That sucks. I'm also not responsible for your feelings.

On a side note, I kind of feel like I've become a lot bitchier since my sobriety. HAHAHA! Oops! ;-)

Dropsie

It may be harder than you think, dont let it worry you, just dig in. Dig deep.

What I have learned that keeps me in check is that its not just stopping again if I cave, it gets harder each time, and maybe one time I wont make it, or my people wont. Or not with me anyway.

I love this JADE thing -- thanks for that.

Hang tough -- we are here if you need us.

XXX

mayeve

I'm having a hard time here.

mayeve

I psyched myself up and talked a good game but I'm having a hard time.

mayeve

I don't know if I can do this.

Dee74

There's some great advice in these threads:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
(suits any social situation)

and for bit of motivation and encouragement:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

do you have a recovery plan or are you just kinda winging it?

D

mayeve

Winging it.

I'm having major anxiety.

Dee74

Breathing techniques really help my anxiety Mayeve
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...echniques.html

The more you practise them the better you'll get at it

I'm a big believer in plans too - I'll leave this link for you to read when you want to:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

JK130

You can. Go wash the dishes. Eat cookies. Pet the cat. Play the piano. Distract yourself!

mayeve

I ****** up. God Damnit I ******* ****** up. ****. ****!!!!!
I hate everything.

mayeve

I can't say **** here?

That's not very therapeutic.

Dee74

We know what you meant.

What have you done to try and get past what you're feeling?

D

mayeve

I've done bad and drank wine. Damnit I'm so pissed at myself. And I've hid it from my husband. He doesn't realize it yet. I'm so mad and disappointed in myself.

Delilah1

Nicely done!