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Financially Challenged in Sobriety

Old 12-07-2016, 11:16 AM
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Financially Challenged in Sobriety

Hi to everyone. I am on day 71 of sobriety and it has been good in many respects. I am sleeping better, have improved relationships with my immediate family, have noticed a sharp increase in my productivity, etc. etc. The list could go on and on.
However I am currently feeling the pressure of financial insecurity as I am the primary breadwinner in my household. This past May I was discharged from a very good job and have managed to keep the family afloat with lesser paying jobs but with the advent of winter coming on, many of the construction jobs I once worked have gone away along with the longer daylight hours which use to spell more overtime when those jobs were available.
I am now struggling to even get hired on at Wal-Mart and have probably set the record for most interviews at the Home Depot in my area! I feel like such a failure. I am currently washing dishes for 30 hours per week and work minimum wage staffing jobs when I can on my free days but the work is not there as it once was in the summer.
I am starting to feel fearful and the thought of drinking has started to come back this past week but I don't want to give in to it.
My wife had an AED defibrillator put in her heart and was told by doctors to no longer work. We are currently hoping to make it to February of 2017 as then her 2 year wait for disability will finally be over and according to our attorneys, finally approved.My wife and I our raising our 2 grandkids both 11 and 2 years old. They are depending on me and I don't want to see them homeless or our vehicle repossessed.
I made over two times minimum wage and a few bucks on top of it for over 10 years and no longer have that. Iam now feeling it big time. Anyone else ever been in this situation? If so how did you manage to pull through? Any and all replies will be grteatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 12-07-2016, 12:26 PM
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For sure, really hear you. It's tough, and there are no immediate answers, I think it's more learning to live different, and see different, at least it's been that way for me. I make less than half the money I used to earn in the past ten years. It's been this way for the past 2 years, and am just now adjusting to the reality of it. I earn - but not much. I've made a project out of cutting the cloth, as they say, and it's actually been very rich learning. It's usually when I get stuck in what I am lacking rather than what I have, that it feels hard, or even unpleasant. Particularly, if I make comparisons with my life how it was previously, materially speaking.

When I'm not in that - well, it's good; I'm grateful for the bed I sink into, really grateful that it's warm, dry, safe. I'm grateful for having a beautiful log burner I can sit in front of and toast. Because I have less, I notice things that are for free a great deal more (well, when I'm not in a fug :-)) like sunrises and sunsets this week, the light has been awesome. As time has gone on, I watch no TV, I don't really 'do' consumerism anymore, and find that this leads to far less of a sense of deprivation than one may at first imagine. I'm not deprived of anything I actually need, although coming to that was a process, and it's a challenging one given the culture we live in.

It's never easy to come to terms with a change of circumstance, and it's human nature to be frustrated or low sometimes. I've found that resistance to it, wishing things other than as they are, rather gets in the way of enjoying what is actually there to be enjoyed.

As it sounds like your situation is seasonal, and so may be improved by the turn of the seasons again, and that your wife's disability claim may also be good for your both financially.

Whatever happens, be safe, stay well, and best wishes for you both in 2017.
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Old 12-07-2016, 12:54 PM
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That sounds like a very difficult situation Stellar, but I have to say your resolve to stay sober and provide for your family by doing so many different things is very inspiring. I'm glad you came here to talk it through and the thoughts of drinking are nothing to be ashamed of, we've all had them.

Regarding your financial situation, I know it is a hard pill to swallow but have you considered checking with local food pantries for some assistance there and maybe with your local housing authority for winter heat/utility assistance? Those programs are out there for a reason and they are designed to help anyone and everyone who needs it. My church hosts a food pantry and we have folks from all walks of life who come for help - some are seasonally unemployed but we don't ask, we just help.

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Old 12-07-2016, 04:06 PM
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Yeah Pipefish, I am doing my best to practice gratitude as a way of life. it really does help change one's perspective quite a bit. I am so thankful for the roof over my head and the love and support of my family. There is a lot of love in this household and I know we do our best to encourage one another and build each other up.
As far as the luxuries go, the only true one we got is the truck which we need. We are in the process of adopting our grandson but need a solid well-running vehicle as required by DCS. My car is old with 170,00 miles; not in the running to qualify.The adoption matter goes before the court next friday the 16th and looks very promising.
We are in touch with the local food bank Scott. As far as help with utilities, we are exploring that. Its very humbling to ask for help but I am glad there is some assistance out there.
I did fill out a couple of applications today and was told by a manager that they would be contacting me after reviewing my app. I hope they're not just saying that. This is literally about survival. Funny how last week was dubbed giving tuesday and I recieved 4 letters in the mail from charities I once supported. I threw it up to God then and said "Now I am the one in need Lord, will any of it comeback to me?"
I always gave with a cheerful heart but felt a little down that it seemed like it wasn't being reciprocated. I know, it sounds selfish as I really felt I gave with no expectations of returned through the years.
I just want to make it to income tax time and put all this money mess behind me! Thank you Sober recovery.
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Old 12-07-2016, 04:46 PM
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Have you considered being a Uber or Lyft driver. I have a friend that does that and they make their own hours.
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Old 12-07-2016, 06:55 PM
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That might be a possibility. I will look into it. If would have to be my wife's truck as my car is little too rundown for that. Thanks for the suggestion.
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Old 12-08-2016, 01:29 AM
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Hi Stellar,

I've made small amounts (gas, food, etc.) money doing mystery shopping and mTurk on Amazon, which doesn't require you to leave home.

Something else you may want to consider is work at home jobs where you can make your own schedule. Just google work at home jobs.
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Old 12-08-2016, 03:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Stellar45 View Post
Hi to everyone. I am on day 71 of sobriety and it has been good in many respects. I am sleeping better, have improved relationships with my immediate family, have noticed a sharp increase in my productivity, etc. etc. The list could go on and on.
However I am currently feeling the pressure of financial insecurity as I am the primary breadwinner in my household. This past May I was discharged from a very good job and have managed to keep the family afloat with lesser paying jobs but with the advent of winter coming on, many of the construction jobs I once worked have gone away along with the longer daylight hours which use to spell more overtime when those jobs were available.
I am now struggling to even get hired on at Wal-Mart and have probably set the record for most interviews at the Home Depot in my area! I feel like such a failure. I am currently washing dishes for 30 hours per week and work minimum wage staffing jobs when I can on my free days but the work is not there as it once was in the summer.
I am starting to feel fearful and the thought of drinking has started to come back this past week but I don't want to give in to it.
My wife had an AED defibrillator put in her heart and was told by doctors to no longer work. We are currently hoping to make it to February of 2017 as then her 2 year wait for disability will finally be over and according to our attorneys, finally approved.My wife and I our raising our 2 grandkids both 11 and 2 years old. They are depending on me and I don't want to see them homeless or our vehicle repossessed.
I made over two times minimum wage and a few bucks on top of it for over 10 years and no longer have that. Iam now feeling it big time. Anyone else ever been in this situation? If so how did you manage to pull through? Any and all replies will be grteatly appreciated. Thanks.

My first three years in sobriety I was working enough just to stay afloat. I was 35 years old when I joined AA.

At one point I considered moving back to my home town. Worst case it would be back to the unemployment line. However, I was sober and that made all the difference when a job opportunity presented itself.

Can't really do much except take action.

My break came because I sent out my resume and it was an emergency on their part. I got called in on a Friday and started work the next Monday.
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:01 AM
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I have been taking action for the most part. When I can't get a staffing job for the day I fill out applications and have spoken to different managers in the past week. I can only hope that someone will give me an opportunity to prove my worth.
As far as the work from home jobs, I have never tried those before and I am leery about online scams. Still, if I know something is legit I would be willing to look into it. I need a little bit more proficiency in using a computer and have a job coach to help me with that. Hopefully things will align were we can meet up. Thanks for the input.
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:10 AM
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I once moved in temporarily with a friend for a couple of weeks back in January of 2010. My drinking caused problems for me and my wife so I moved out and into a sober place with a friend and his girlfriend. The GF claimed that the residence was haunted by a man who hung himself in the backroom and they always left the livingroom and hallway lights on at night.
I never understood why someone would take their own life as this man had over 5 years sober and was active in AA. I found out later that he had pressing financial problems and saw no way of getting out of it. I feel guilty now and only hope to have more empathy for those afflicted with all kinds of pressing issues, especially those fellow people in recovery. The local AA club has a memorial entrenched to the wall dedicated to his memory.
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:45 AM
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i was out of work once before eyars ago. couldnt get unemployment couldnt get help for the kids medical insurance. too much pride to sign up for welfare etc.. I borrowed all i could borrow. ended up selling my house taking the equity and moved in with family till I could find work. It was crap. But I found work had that equity money and was able to feed us and buy another home. It was scary but it all worked out for the better ultimately.

When I got sober i had massive debt. again I somehow figured that out and it worked.

In the moment it was all so scary this great big unknown and I was so worried. I felt like my hands where tied and my welfare was out of my control. It stunk feeling like there was nothing i could do to solve my troubles then and there. Oh yeah sure apply here apply there and so on all great ideas but that didnt put bread on my table then and there adn that was no garantee of a job either just cause I interviewed here or sent a resume there.

In my case I hit a point of surrender. I thought welp if none of this is within my control all i can do is just ride this wave and hope something pans out. I was almost delerious at times at how i just had stopped worrying about it. I felt why? theres nothing i can do. I just kept doing what i could do. like you when i was out of work I found some minimum wage job it barely put food on the table let alone the mortgage car payments etc... But I was like welp what can i do :shrug: and just kept looking and tried to keep my chin up.

For me being out of work i had more free time. I tried to use this time wisely doing what i could around the house and i did a lot of reading. I feel it was not a waste of time so this made me feel better.

I also used to be so greatful that while iw as out of work I didnt have some crap boss to answer too. and sometimes would laugh to myself about how i was on this great long vacation all be it a very poor and crappy one i was free at last from the chains of some job tho this would make me smile which I needed.

My point is it does work out in time it always does. Hang in there.
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:47 AM
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Hi - I lost my secure, well paying job three years ago because of showing up drunk. Losing my job was part of my slide to the bottom and it didn't end there. Lost my license, family respect and also made a public fool of myself in a very small town. Ugh. Anyways, 10 months later, I am employed part time- bill collectors call every day and at times I am so very sad. But, I'm sober, my family is starting to trust me again and I am ever so slowly working out my financial obligations. Stay on the path! A drink will solve absolutely no purpose. There with you.

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Old 12-08-2016, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Stellar45 View Post
I have been taking action for the most part. When I can't get a staffing job for the day I fill out applications and have spoken to different managers in the past week. I can only hope that someone will give me an opportunity to prove my worth.
As far as the work from home jobs, I have never tried those before and I am leery about online scams. Still, if I know something is legit I would be willing to look into it. I need a little bit more proficiency in using a computer and have a job coach to help me with that. Hopefully things will align were we can meet up. Thanks for the input.
Direct TV works from home-I worked for them briefly last year
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Old 12-09-2016, 06:28 PM
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Stellar45, sorry to hear you are going through hard times. I feel for you. I would suggest pounding that government assistance paperwork as much as possible. That social safety net that we all pay into is there SPECIFICALLY for people like yourself, and you should be able to use it. I know you might need to swallow a little pride, but its only temporary. I wish you the best.
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Old 12-09-2016, 09:36 PM
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Have you tried sitting down with any of the people who've interviewed you but not hired you to find out where you could improve? I think if you described your situation with your grandchildren, they would be more than willing to give you feedback.

Also, you might want to look at pumping up you skill set with some free/cheap online courses in areas you are applying in (just google 'free online courses' for loads of classes). Even if they don't wind up on your resume, there are lots that could just teach you how to interview better!

Stay strong. Things are going to get better.
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Old 12-10-2016, 04:02 AM
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Im sorry you are struggling but you are going to get through this and in it, there will be some life lessons that will serve you well in the future!

A couple suggestions: get to know the people over at Job and Family Services on a first name basis. They will help you update your resume and interviewing skills, they have free workshops on employment and financial topics and many times they hear about jobs ( state jobs too!) FIRST! Make sure your name comes to mind when they hear of work!! Finding a job IS a job! Its really hard I now and alot of times its who you know, so make yourself known!
Secondly, Catholic Charities has FREE financial coaching programs. They will assist you in getting your finances in order and can help with any sorts of assistance programs like HEAP, Community Action and etc.

I wish you the best of luck. Dont you worry about anything, just keep pushing it forward. Like you said, in the end its all in Gods hands and like it says in the book, he takes care of all living things, he doesnt let the little birds in the trees go hungry, he WILL take care of you and yours....
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Old 12-11-2016, 10:51 AM
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Thanks for sharing this, Stellar.

I truly admire your efforts to find work.

Ditto for you Graced.

Hard work has always been the answer to my financial needs.

I am sorry you are going through such a rough patch, but I very much admire your willingness to do whatever it takes, your adoption of a grandchild and your raising the other, and your making continued sobriety a priority.
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