ItsViolet

I just hit 9 months sobriety and about six weeks ago I started getting really depressed. It waxes and wanes in severity and right now it's pretty immobilizing. I don't have health insurance to see professionals but plan to get coverage starting in January. I don't know if this is a real or just a chemical imbalance caused by alcoholism, like my brain is trying to rewire itself or whatever and will stabilize after some more time.

A major stressor for me is the class I'm attempting to finish and just can't seem to work faster than a snail. This partly triggered the depression in the first place, as I'm usually a good student and I couldn't get anything done. The other trigger had to do with a troubling relationship I was processing.

My recovery work is a lot of work and at this point I feel like it's all I can do right now. I feel that even more than at some earlier times in my recovery. By 9 months I wouldn't have expected finishing this class to be such a big deal. I was doing well until last month when the depression started to get the best of me. I just lose focus again and again. I have to go talk to my teacher. I've taken extra time off of my job too, I'm having trouble being present while I'm there. Then my grandfather passed away and we had the funeral yesterday.

I don't have energy and doing just a little makes me really tired. I write one paragraph or attend one class session and have to take a two hour nap. Even a meeting can be super taxing. I seem to need a lot of extra rest. I also seem to need more meetings than before.

If anybody has anything helpful to say I'd love to hear your ideas and experience. Thanks

PhoenixJ

Hi ItsV- PJ here. I see your sobriety date is March- like me (there is a Class of March '16 thread). I have major depression and have had a hellish year (understatement). I am also studying and find the same -tiredness et al. Can you not at least see a doctor to get your depression reviewed? I did- and antidepressants for me gave me a level playing field to able better deal with every day life. I empathise fully, remember HALTS(ad). Keep posting, sharing. Your health is very important in recovery. Obviously do not drink. Yours in thought, prayer and support. :-)

ItsViolet

Thanks PJ yea I plan to see a doc in January but right now I can't afford to pay for an appointment up front. I did go to see a psychiatrist back in July because of anxiety problems in very early recovery and after we talked he said I could try antidepressants if I wanted, but that I should get hooked up with regular care as it's difficult to tell in just one appointment if that's really the best course of action. I decided not to go on the meds just then. I'm skeptical as I'm wondering if my brain chemistry is just going haywire because of the stage of recovery I'm in. I can discuss that further with a doc. Just curious what others have experienced though, especially with depression in the first year or with not being able to get anything done as far as 9 months in to recovery.

Dee74

Can you see an ordinary Dr (MD/GP) perhaps?

D

PhoenixJ

Keep trying. Keep sharing. AA meetings, SMART. Church. Volunteering. Distraction. SR- these are a few of my coping things.

Soberwolf

Sorry about your grandfather x

ItsViolet

If I want to go to just see a regular doc I can go to the ER where I won't have to pay out of pocket up front, which is something I'm considering. Although I know from experience that for psychiatric issues they usually try to direct me elsewhere anyway, so I'm not sure what they'll be able to do for me. I'll go there if I feel like it really just can't wait, but unless it starts to feel like a life-threatening emergency I figure I can just go when my insurance kicks in.

Dee74

I think depressions a really important thing to deal with, and putting off doing that is not going to be good for you.

I'm not sure where you are in CA but there must be a free clinic near you?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding Scale Clinics | NeedyMeds

D

Gottalife

Bill w wrote about being plagued by waves of resentment and self pity (depressions) in early sobriety and found the best answer was working with another alcoholic.

I never heard of anyone getting a smooth run in sobriety, there are always ups and downs. But what you are describing sounds a little more concerning. It would be wise to consult a doctor. It may be a medical matter.

Ariesagain

Nine months was rough for me, too...it's a little like being reborn, maybe? We're programmed to that time period from the beginning...

It got better. Calcium supplements with zinc and vitamin D seemed to help, but getting a doctor to look you over is always best. You could have an underlying condition like hypothyroidism that needs meds.

Sending you a hug...you're doing a hard thing, multiple hard things, and you're hanging in there. Good for you!

totfit

Aside from any professional help, the thing the helps me most if eating right and getting exercise and fresh air. If I am not in the mood, I may have to force myself to exercise, but it always pays off. After a while, it becomes an entrenched habit and one that brings equilibrium and an uplift to my moods. I have had a bad cold (think it is at the end) for the past three weeks, which has slowed me down and I can tell it not just physically, but mentally. Back on the treadmill this afternoon after work. I am sorry that you are going through this "spell". Wish I had more to offer.

August252015

ItsViolet-
Glad you posted. I can relate to a good bit of what you wrote.

I just went to see my psych yesterday - it is out of pocket for me and very expensive, so that was one reason I had put it off for the past few weeks; I had been trying to apply my program tools (AA), emotional work, use of support system (sponsor, sober bf, etc), to work through what were increasingly common episodes of mild depression and - big flag for me- strong desire to isolate. I am at 9.5 months (289 days). Like others side, recovery has been an ebb and flow for me - and it's been mostly good- but I'm at a point in the journey where different things are striking chords PLUS it is the holidays.

I did not realize how much discomfort this would bring. I thought "hey, I'm sober! It's going to be the best year in a long time!" Well, true on the first part- not so easy on the second.

IME meds are crucial to keeping my emotional health on a steady path. My regimen had included lamictal (for BPD symtoms though greatly diminished thanks to my sobriety), campral (For cravings), seroquel (for sleep, nightly) and Ativan (as needed). Yesterday we decided to add Paxil at a low dose for the first week, then to increase a little; we also increased the dosage of the Ativan as needed. I've been needing it. My dr considers this the best way to give me a little support right now. IMO and IME, good drugs can be a wonderful tool for overall mental health for lots of people, not just alcoholics.

Like others have said, I am trying to stick closer to my program and really work on the isolation urges by calling myself out to my sponsor and boyfriend - he and I are very close and in contact all through the day so I have shared warning signs of me pulling away too much or otherwise shutting him out.

I am also seriously considering a change to my holiday plans. If this is part of your stress, too, perhaps you can examine that. As my dr said yesterday,your parents do want you with them at Christmas this year and will be disappointed if you aren't - but they want a sober, calm, healthy daughter a lot more.

Hang in there- keep sober and keep taking care of yourself.

Bunny211

Hi there,

Is there a clinic near you where they have a sliding scale for payments? I would suggest getting your thyroid levels tested....I had all those same symptoms (especially the fatigue) at exactly 9 months and found out I have hypothyroid. I echo someone else who said see a general practitioner first to rule out anything medical that might be going on!! <3

BullDog777

I clipped 9 months 4 days ago. While i'm not depressed, I do have a lot less energy than i normally do. I try to nap when ever possible.

For me, a lot of it has to do with diet.

Although I HATE veggies of any kind it's about the only thing that gives me sustained energy these days. So I juice a lot of greens. At least 1 pitcher a day.

I gotta hold my nose a lot of times, but it does work. I also had to learn to eat smaller meals more frequiently with more nutrient rich food.

I think we've robbed our bodies for so long of just the basics, we may need more than what gets normal folks by.

My addiction counselor said this was vital to me. So far, so good.

I hope you feel better soon. I'm gonna go take a nap after i get a bite.

ItsViolet

Thanks Dee I didn't know about all of these clinics. I'm surprised when I go to the ER they don't mention these resources.

ScottFromWI

The ER may not even know about them either, I'm glad you are seeking help. Whatever the source of your depression might be it's so important to remember that it's a treatable issue, whether the source is purely psychological, physical, or both. I don't deal with depression but i put off getting help for my anxiety for years. And even after I did seek help it took a couple attempts with different counselors and different strategies to start getting better.

Always remember that the ability to break free of these things already exists within you...it's mostly just finding the right channels to let it out!

ItsViolet

Hi Mike, Yea I'm on the 8th step so I'm not sponsoring yet, but I've been reaching out to newcomers, especially in the last few weeks. It's sure helpful but the effect is temporary as I go home and attempt to manage the rest of life.

ItsViolet

Hi Totfit, Thanks yea I have been exercising twice a week at the gym and it does help. Exercise bike, weight training, yoga, occasional jogging. When I have more time I would like to go at least three times a week. But I haven't been for six days now and prob won't till Wed because I'm trying to finish this class. Since I'm already going, I feel like a little break shouldn't be that big of a deal. I should be able to get through a day and get work done regardless of whether I kept up with exercise that week.

ItsViolet

Thanks everyone for the replies. I talked to somebody last night from a meeting and she said "OH yea, my grades plummeted when I first got sober!! It got better." I'm hoping that later this will just turn out to be a passing thing like her experience, but at this time it's too debilitating to ignore so I know I need help.

Dee74

I hope you can find some help Violet

D