9 months sober and super depressed

Old 12-07-2016, 03:05 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Prayers to you, V. PJ
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Old 12-07-2016, 03:49 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Sending you prayers for peace of mind, and big hugs.
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Old 12-07-2016, 05:09 PM
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Violet - I think for me sobriety forced me to face painful truths that I had been hiding from. I was depressed, tired and lacked motivation when I first got sober. I don't know if I drank because I was depressed or if alcohol consumption made me depressed.

For me there's been no magic bullet. It improved incrementally with time spent living authentically and practicing acceptance.
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Old 12-07-2016, 06:05 PM
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Hi, I know what you are going through, I have struggle with depression for years,
I have been on different anti depressants and they do help

But the thing that I have found that helped me the most, is strenuous exercise, I know the thought of exercise may sound terrible, It did to me, I couldnt get the energy to get off the couch let alone go and exercise, but it can help.
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Old 12-08-2016, 03:40 PM
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Hey Violet

You reminded me of several things. That before I ever found alcohol, my primary diagnosis when I was only 14 years old was depression. And that is has been the task, part of recovery, to learn to live alongside it. And yes, as you describe, it can seriously get in the way. But I learned that this is not a reflection of my capability, it is that there is this impediment, that is sometimes there, and sometimes not, and we respect each other these days. You said in your post something very important, about being able to do only a little, and then needing to rest. It is so important that rest, real rest, without fretting about all that is not getting done. So do rest, do be gentle with yourself.

As others have suggested, a visit to your doctor may be useful. In the short term, medication can help clear the mind enough to get through tasks, and is a practical step to take. Action always helps, particularly where depression can leave us feeling helpless and overwhelmed. The simplest of actions can be a demonstration to ourselves that this thing is too much to handle alone, but today, we took courage, and spoke with someone about it. Similarly, if you are studying, there may perhaps be a college counselling facility you can make use of, and for me, the simple relief of letting out all the concerns and frustrations, helped greatly. It's not that there was an instant solution, but there was somewhere to take it, and let it out. It also made it more possible to ask for help elsewhere, from college tutors, because I could articulate more clearly why the work was behind, and what support I needed from them, rather than getting further behind, and just ruminating on it by myself. Likewise, some employers (mine does) offer employee support over the phone, and can offer counselling sessions.

Now, it can be very hard, as you described so beautifully in your post, to focus , to concentrate, get things done, particularly to read, and I'm a great reader. Two books that greatly helped me with depression; The Little Book of Beating the Blues by Cheri Huber (so practical, so compassionate, and very short) has been a guiding light for me, and if you like a story, Mr Chartwell by Rebecca Hunt, which brings to life Winston Churchill's depression, which he referred to as his black dog, in the form of a dog called Mr Chartwell, who visits himself on a young woman. It is funny, and touching, and charts a journey through what an experience of depression can be like.

Despite how you are feeling, your post makes it clear you continue, however slowly or falteringly, to put one foot in front of the other. Don't underestimate the courage that takes.

Wish you well, and hope you find the solutions that work best for you.
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Old 12-09-2016, 08:24 AM
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10 months here

I'm on 10 months here. And I can relate. there are days I feel good and then it just hits me. I notice that I have trouble spelling or my words don't sound right. For me this is a sign of stress/depression. My nervous system gets out of whack. I've been to the dr many times, I see a counselor too. I've had numerous tests and physically I seem to be good. Psychologically I am not okay. I no longer feel like my brain is "normal" where the words used to flow out of my mouth and on paper, I now feel like I've lost all of that. I continue to tell myself be patient but I often wonder if I'm really losing my mind rather than healing. I eat well and do a decent job of working out. But every couple of months I feel, like I relapsed. I've read it can take a couple of years before I can get my wits back but that seems like an eternity...I do know that I never want to use alcohol to get through my problems. I've done enough damage. I hope you can stay sober and find what works for you.

On a side note, I have found that when I meditate for at least 10 minutes every morning I do feel better throughout the day. Sometimes maybe too carefree but I like the non-jittery/ nervous me.
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Old 12-09-2016, 03:16 PM
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Hi slowmeDown.

Things like that kept improving for me, even after a year. Have patience and a little faith. A year, two years seems like a blink of an eye to me now

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Old 12-10-2016, 08:52 AM
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Thanks! I'm hanging in here

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi slowmeDown.

Things like that kept improving for me, even after a year. Have patience and a little faith. A year, two years seems like a blink of an eye to me now

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Old 12-10-2016, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by ItsViolet View Post
Hi Mike, Yea I'm on the 8th step so I'm not sponsoring yet, but I've been reaching out to newcomers, especially in the last few weeks. It's sure helpful but the effect is temporary as I go home and attempt to manage the rest of life.
Hi Violet.
This is a bit of a long shot but might bear thinking about. Step 8 has about the shortest directions of any step in the book. It says something like "we already have a list, we made it when we took inventory" perhaps the important thing is becoming willing to make amends.

One way we can run into trouble is when we lose connection with the Power. We become blocked and this can be caused by doing something that we shouldn't, or not doing something that we should.

Dr Bob story is like that. Part of it is in A Vision for You. Bob accepted the entire program, took all the steps as they then were, but refused that part about amends as he thought it would ruin him. A couple of weeks later, he got drunk and had to be rescued by a search party. A day or two later he disappeared again, people thought the worst. But he came home exhausted, around midnight. He had spent the day making his amends. He never drank again.

The other thing that struck me was your comment about attempting to manage your life. Perhaps you meant carry out your responsibilities? In step three we appointed a new manager. There is this promise, "we had a new employer. Being all powerful he provided what we needed if we stuck close to Him and performed His work well." I came to realise over time that this promise was coming true in my life. It helped build my faith. No matter what happens, it will be OK.
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Old 12-10-2016, 11:43 PM
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8 months was my lowest. I read a bunch about PAWS and figured that was a big part of it after getting checked out pretty good at my dr. I'm feeling much better now but it took a good while. Now it's a big reason to stay sober for me. Use all the tools and resources you need to get through it. You can do it !
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