notsosober77

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I want sobriety to be something ordinary. The norm, not an achievement.

I've been off and on drinking for so long that I genuinely lost track of the last time I was drinking and stopped. I've been relapsing but with less and less frequency and less intensity each time. When I relapse I remember then that drinking was not as pleasant as it was in my fantasy and more painful than I remembered.

Maybe I won't ever drink again this time and if I don't, I just want it to happen. I don't want to count the days since I quit, I want to forget that I ever thought it was a good idea to drink. I don't want to even have to make an effort to quit. I just want to have an aversion to alcohol, an understanding that it is poison and it hurts to drink it and of course I won't do that again.

Right now, I honestly wonder why I ever did drink and can't recall when that was.

24hrsAday

yes. I stopped counting "days" Many Years ago..
it has Become the Norm.
One day at a Time...

Soberwolf

With a solid recovery plan/programme based on acceptance you can't go wrong, watch out for possible triggers, negative situations that could threaten your recovery & whatever happens always remember you can come & talk to someone here at SR 24h a day

Nice to meet you btw

August252015

Sounds like you have some expectations of solid sobriety and some alcohol voice speaking loudly.

Have you considered working a program? Some of what you say you "don't want..." is what you find you need to accept then move past in terms of feeling or thinking those things in an achingly active way.

Knowing my exact days has been important for me, and pleasantly adding them up. Now I am at 9.5 months (288 days) and know within a day or two the exact number. I think AA members count days and milestones for at least awhile- - through the first year, at least- for many good reasons.

I hope you finally choose sobriety- it does not just happen and the things that caused us don't just go away- nor should they. Good luck.

Hawkeye13

I don't pay attention anymore these days--it has become the new normal for me,
but I found tracking the first year helpful as it kept me honest about relapse.

I know my sober date, but plan on focusing on sobriety and the here-and-now
from now on.

You can do it!

Mountainmanbob

I understand if you have not made a firm decision to stop drinking that a sobriety date may not be important to you.

The majority of sober ones that I know keep track of their time sober.
Actually reminds some that it didnt come easy
and helps to keep some grateful and sober.

M-Bob

zjw

i dunno i know years could probably ifgure out months too but not days really.


but what i can relate too is wanting it to be ordinary. I too would like to just simply go on with my life as a normie person who just so happens to not drink and thats that.

but then here i am posting on a sober board getting help trying to help etc... Always tryingt o keep it fresh in my head so that i dont become complacent and relapse etc.. I dont think i will relapse but then I also read about just how easy and mindless it can be to relapse too so what do i know.

so while I wanna just be a normie oridinary person who doesnt drink. For me the reality is I'm not and if i wanna stay sober for now anyhow these are the things that i do. Maybe one day you wont see me post here anymore. no one will see me in a meeting and it wont be a topic really discussed anymore and i'll be happily sober still it just wont be a topic really anymore. but that day is not yet so for now..

doggonecarl

I don't literally count the days, there are a lot of them. But they are accumulating daily and I am aware of it. Keenly aware of the months and years without a drink.

And I don't share your view about sobriety being ordinary. "Ordinary" sobriety is for those without a problem with alcohol. I'm an alcoholic, so my sobriety is not ordinary. It is an achievement. Yet, at the same time, not drinking feels normal, and again, for me, that is an achievement.

If you achieve long-term sobriety, if it becomes the "norm" for you, be proud of your achievement.

JeffreyAK

How's that working for you? I think most alcohol addicts find they need to treat sobriety as a major change and a major achievement, to be celebrated as loudly and positively as possible and ideally as part of a program or plan, before they can stay quit long enough for it to become the everyday norm. It will become the everyday norm eventually, but not without long sobriety, however you achieve that.

thomas11

I never have counted days. I approach it as a wholesale lifestyle change. I believe the last time I drank was October of 2015.

Aellyce

I found counting somewhat rewarding when I first got sober but not so much after a relapse. I don't care about it at all now, I would have to do some digging to check how many days and even weeks I have post-relapse. I just posted on another thread that for me it's quality over quantity. I would not want to forget why I quit drinking and what living sober means though.

ScottFromWI

I broke your message down into several individual statements, I think re-reading them that way might give some insight into your line of thinking.

Many of us wanted many of those things you list. But looking back for me personally, it was simply my addiction talking. Of course it would want me to seek an "easy" way out...because there isn't one -and in turn it was easy to just give in and keep drinking.

Getting sober is not easy. It requires work, time and it is not comfortable - especially at first. But it's more than worth it in the long term. Being around others who are actively working on sobriety and succeeding is key - whether that's as part of a structured program like AA/Smart/LifeRing or self paced methods like AVRT, SR, etc.

SnazzyDresser

I'm a vigilant militant counter of sober days. I'd count them in my sleep if I could. I keep a running count in my profile and often log in right after midnight to update it. I hope to God I never get blase about it.

BrendaChenowyth

Sure. I will one day look back and only be able to say I haven't had a drink in X number of years, because counting days would be cumbersome! People count their days in to the thousands, and maybe they need to do that. It's cumbersome. lol

Not drinking becomes a normal part of your life the moment you say it does, because you are in control of your life choices. You really can decide what normal for you is.

dox

For this alcoholic, it took a lot of hard work to get, and remain, sober.
I still work at it.
Although I have not relapsed in over 12 years, I want to insure that I don't.
So, I continue to work for it.

All that work,
all those years . . .
I can look back on them and see, with the benefit of hindsight, that it was , and is, worth it.

I can also pass on my experience to those who are sincerely seeking sobriety.
We can celebrate our sober years together.

If wishes were . . .
I don't see how I could have effortlessly slid into sobriety.
I never happened that way.
I got in the way.

I hope you get your wish, notsosober77.

All the best to you.

notsosober77

First let me say that what ever works to stay sober, I'm in favor of people doing that. If you find it helpful to count the days, I in no way meant to imply you should stop doing that. Or not tell others about how it might help them.

I don't see it as effortless to get there. It may even be harder to get there this way. Just effortless to maintain. Or less effort.


This really speaks to me. I could have been sober, with no relapses, clenching my fists, yearning for a drink but denying myself that. That to me is a low quality of sobriety. Better to me is to have relapsed to remind myself, "Oh, yes, this is not good." Then be more comfortable with the knowledge that drinking is not good and I'm not denying myself anything. I'm liberated.

Nice way to put it.

CAPTAINZING2000

As long as I'm healthy, I'm grateful for everyday given me at this point.

I've always liked this

Life Is Not Measured By the Number of Breaths We Take, But By the Moments That Take Our Breath Away


Friedrich Nietzsche was right—sort of.

The German philosopher's oft-quoted adage, "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger," was put to the test as part of a national study of the effects of adverse life events on mental health by researchers at the University at Buffalo-the State University of New York and the University of California, Irvine.

The study, published in the latest issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that people who had experienced a few adverse events in their lives reported better mental health and well being than people with a history of frequent adversity and people with no history of misfortune.

If life had granted me a life filled with rainbows and pretty unicorns, I'd of never been thankful for any blessings received in my life.
After thousand and thousands of days sober, I don't dwell much on the days sober
Each and every day upon waking up, we are all given a gift of 24 hours. It's up to us to make the most of the gift given us.

Dee74

count or don't count - it's immaterial as long as you're not drinking and stay stopped.

I think your Addictive Voice has you by the toe tho:
There's nothing a relapse could teach you you don't know all ready. By, in effect, leaving that option open, you're opening yourself up to more misery.

Count or don't count - but don't believe the AV when it says you don't have to put some effort into staying in recovery.

The effort becomes automatic like breathing eventually, but until that point it's gonna take a little conscious effort.

Many many times my inner addict took the fear I had of a boring life full of effort and said 'screw this, we'd rather drink right?'

A life in recovery is not onerous - none of us would be here if it was.

Have a little faith - you'll be ok as a perpetually sober person

D

BrendaChenowyth

I didn't understand the statement that Dee just quoted, at all. Maybe it could be rephrased? Because I tend not to think it paints relapse in a positive light, I think it intends to accomplish the opposite, but that the message got lost in translation some how?

notsosober77

I was not implying that a relapse is desirable. However, when I did relapse I learned from it.

When I first quit, I wanted to quit very much. As time passed, I romanticized how it was to drink. I began to miss it and lose my strong desire to be sober. I relapsed and that reminded me why I wanted to quit and at the same time it disabused me of the false memories of how pleasant it was to drink.

Over time, after multiple relapses, each father apart in time and less drastic in amounts of drinking, I slowly became immune to the AV lie that it was good to drink. It was a sort of testing of the waters with relapses and my desire to remain sober has grown stronger as a result.

But as the old disclaimer says, don't try this at home. I don't recommend relapse, no. That would be like recommending you drop out of school to find out what the true value of an education is.