Crazy things we tell each other

Old 12-07-2016, 01:56 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,225
phoenix that reminds me of me and my nonsense

"what an awful day i need a drink!"
"what a great day I think i'll have a drink!"

like wtf was i fooling?
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Old 12-19-2016, 03:05 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 15
"It will be different this time"
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Old 12-19-2016, 05:17 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Location: New York, NY
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I don't at this moment remember any specific thing I said when I first got sober thirty three years ago. I know I was anxious and depressed since my first memory. That I avoided lasting relationships in response to or in defense of my pathological shyness. That I learned that telling the truth often made things worse for me. That smart people like me cut corners rather than do what was necessary to accomplish anything meaningful. That being in a relationship meant that things necessarily needed to go my way most of the time. That giving meant getting something back. That I drank as a means dealing with all the bad things that I imagined other people and the rest of the world did to me. With all I'd been through, I deserved to suffer in my own way and without criticism, and that no one had it as bad as I did. That all of my well-considered, thoughtful and well defended beliefs and convictions only brought me pain and suffering, usually in the form of irredeemable heartache. And, finally, that I hadn't truly accomplished a single thing in my life that was worth holding onto.

Compared to my three- year relapse that began eight-and-a-half years ago, the first time around was easy. No cravings, no obsession to drink, no hanging out with people or at places that had to do with drinking. I built a good life and enjoyed almost all of it, right up until a couple of years before I picked up a drink after twenty five years.

I had no pretense around why I was drinking when I relapsed. I'd let myself go at a time when that was the worst thing I could possibly do. As if there's a good time to do such a thing. I was going to get drunk as often as I could, and my mission was to die as an active alcoholic. Like the first time around, I never promised myself or anyone else that I'd stop drinking. Never tried to moderate or change my drinking habits. And didn't stop drinking until it was already too late to fix all the damage I'd done.

So, yeah. I'm still an alcoholic. And that is as true today as it would had I dropped dead the very moment I put the glass to my mouth when I relapsed. I don't even like the word 'relapse'. It implies that some process beyond my control or some hidden, alternate awareness took control of my behavior. I don't believe that for a second. Besides, the word 'relapse' is much too tame, too neutral to describe destroying everything good in your life and hurting the people we supposedly love. Or even just putting any of that at risk.
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Old 12-19-2016, 10:11 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 69
"my friends can have one drunk night without having it carry into a bender, I'm sure I can too."
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Old 12-20-2016, 03:55 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Semi-Professional Philosopher
steve-in-kville's Avatar
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 952
Originally Posted by Dropsie View Post
4) I stopped for (insert) its OK to have one, you can control it now.

Now that is crazy...
^^^Got me every time!
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Old 12-20-2016, 05:29 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Alcoholism is not a disease. It's not even a "thing." And it has never been proven. I can just learn some self control and I will be fine.
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