Back again
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 123
Back again
I've accepted that I need help and I can't quit drinking on my own anymore. My relationship ended in June and I've been drinking even more ever since then after a few attempts to quit. I finally talked to my doctor about it yesterday and I have an appt. with an outpatient treatment center in 2 days. I will see what they have to say and if I can do this without having to take a leave of absence from work.
On a secondary note, I miss my ex boyfriend so much and I could really use his support but he started dating someone else recently and he says he doesn't see the point in talking to me anymore. I feel so alone but I am hoping I will get the help I need soon. Thx :-/
On a secondary note, I miss my ex boyfriend so much and I could really use his support but he started dating someone else recently and he says he doesn't see the point in talking to me anymore. I feel so alone but I am hoping I will get the help I need soon. Thx :-/
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Please take my unsolicited advice with a dash of salt.
I believe that the first step to moving on is acceptance and what we need in order to do that is objective perspective.
I see one thing straight away that you could apply that to. You say he doesn't see the point in talking to you anymore... in regards to what? You need to look at it this way: he's got to assess at some point how productive it is for him to spend his time and energy talking about the relationship. What he's really said is that he is beyond a point where he still has the time or the energy or the desire to keep trying to change what the relationship is. It is the relationship he sees as broken. You can not use his support, because you can't use something that is not forthcoming. He doesn't have it to give.
I hope this can be used as a first step.
I believe that the first step to moving on is acceptance and what we need in order to do that is objective perspective.
I see one thing straight away that you could apply that to. You say he doesn't see the point in talking to you anymore... in regards to what? You need to look at it this way: he's got to assess at some point how productive it is for him to spend his time and energy talking about the relationship. What he's really said is that he is beyond a point where he still has the time or the energy or the desire to keep trying to change what the relationship is. It is the relationship he sees as broken. You can not use his support, because you can't use something that is not forthcoming. He doesn't have it to give.
I hope this can be used as a first step.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Good for you Zen. I hope the treatment works out.
Break ups are hard. I've had my fair share
. The silver lining is you are unfettered and free to pursue your recovery. If the ex isn't an alcoholic there probably isn't much he could do anyway.
Hang in there.
Break ups are hard. I've had my fair share
. The silver lining is you are unfettered and free to pursue your recovery. If the ex isn't an alcoholic there probably isn't much he could do anyway. Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 123
Hi Brenda
Thanks for your advice, after the breakup I continued to be his friend and would talk to him on the phone and meet up or exchange texts. He was the one who said he wasn't quite ready to move on but as soon as his new woman appeared he told me all this stuff about not wanting to talk to me anymore. So I feel like I was ditched as soon as my replacement was found or maybe she was the cause of it. It's just sad to lose my best friend. But you're right acceptance is what I need to focus on. I can't rely on him anymore.
Thanks for your advice, after the breakup I continued to be his friend and would talk to him on the phone and meet up or exchange texts. He was the one who said he wasn't quite ready to move on but as soon as his new woman appeared he told me all this stuff about not wanting to talk to me anymore. So I feel like I was ditched as soon as my replacement was found or maybe she was the cause of it. It's just sad to lose my best friend. But you're right acceptance is what I need to focus on. I can't rely on him anymore.
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth 
Please take my unsolicited advice with a dash of salt.
I believe that the first step to moving on is acceptance and what we need in order to do that is objective perspective.
I see one thing straight away that you could apply that to. You say he doesn't see the point in talking to you anymore... in regards to what?
I believe that the first step to moving on is acceptance and what we need in order to do that is objective perspective.
I see one thing straight away that you could apply that to. You say he doesn't see the point in talking to you anymore... in regards to what?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
His new relationship changed the amount of energy he had available to you. Next year when I'm in school, I will be on SF far less than I would like. And I can forget about dating, it will be a miracle if I show up to church and the gym! Available energy. Doesn't assign value to church, fitness, family or friends/community. And I'll be needing to remind myself of that every day!
Doesn't assign value to church, fitness, family or friends/community. And I'll be needing to remind myself of that every day!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 107
I think you will do well if you put your recovery first. The love of my life broke my heart in a million pieces, but that breakup freed me up to become a more complete person. Later on down the road I met the woman who would become my wife and we have been together for 18 years. I only have 63 days sober as of today,but she has been there for me the whole time.
BTW the ex wanted to get back together a year after the breakup but I had then just begun dating my wife(before we were married) and I just didn't feel the same as I once did. It was a little bittersweet letting go but in retrospect I know I made the right choice and wouldn't have changed a thing.
Your sobriety will open up more avenues and opportunities down the road. I wish you well.
BTW the ex wanted to get back together a year after the breakup but I had then just begun dating my wife(before we were married) and I just didn't feel the same as I once did. It was a little bittersweet letting go but in retrospect I know I made the right choice and wouldn't have changed a thing.
Your sobriety will open up more avenues and opportunities down the road. I wish you well.
Last edited by Stellar45; 11-29-2016 at 05:47 PM. Reason: missed some lines
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Sorry about your breakup hon...that's hard to get over. But: as others have indicated, the best love you can have is really loving yourself. To love yourself you need to treat yourself and your body right and keep it clean and sober. I'm glad you are getting help with that. You can become so much more and realize your dreams sober, feel better, be happier; all of the above. You can do this. Brighter days are ahead!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Sorry about your breakup hon...that's hard to get over. But: as others have indicated, the best love you can have is really loving yourself. To love yourself you need to treat yourself and your body right and keep it clean and sober. I'm glad you are getting help with that. You can become so much more and realize your dreams sober, feel better, be happier; all of the above. You can do this. Brighter days are ahead!
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