STDragon

I've had a number of things going on with me today. No external forces being the cause, I found myself near the verge of tears most of the day. I had an extreme craving wash over me this afternoon. Luckily it was brief but that was the first big one since quitting (7 weeks on Monday) and I'm afraid I'll have more.

There is one big development I wanted to share as I had recently seen some threads here related to brain function.

I've played keyboard since I was very young. Not that great but good enough to entertain myself and to play the opening song on our wedding video (nearly 20 years back). I haven't played in years. I mostly gave up because I just couldn't recall much of what I use to play and couldn't put a full tune together.

I thought that I would pick it up again and teach myself a new song. But that was a frustrating experience. Besides the stiff fingers I just couldn't co-ordinate the notes. So I pretty much figured the piano playing was done for me. My mom was an avid player but a minor stroke took that way from her. I felt that now I could sort of relate.

This morning I sat down at the keyboard and started banging at a few simple things when all of a sudden, stuff just started coming back to me! I could not believe what was happening. So I took out the sheet music for our wedding video song and I played it thru to the end! Not perfect of course but good enough for me. I was in tears when I finished.

That's probably what started the teary day for me. But, in spite of my re-discovered talent, I felt kinda lost most of the day or rather that something was missing. I was also in a pretty sour mood too (not the first time since I quit) and crabby at people.

Maybe it's just some neural pathways that are re-connecting I dunno. But realizing that my brain is changing has also got me a bit scared too. I've been pretty emotionally even and mild tempered most of my life and I don't want that balance changing.

STDragon

Oh ya, I also wanted to add that I'm still really tired all the time. I need nap every day and I still go to bed early....

Dee74

Give it time STDragon

It took me a little time to get my musical dexterity back, but I did

I believe talent is innate...as long as we're breathing it's still there, in us

D

ScottFromWI

I'm with Dee on that. I took guitar back up and my fretting hand felt like it was disconnected at times. Even just in general my mind would just "lock up""for a moment or two. It took a long time to clear up, but it did. I was permanently sedated for the better part of 2 decades though so it's not surprising that I had to relearn a few things. The great part is that we CAN relearn things!

Acheleus

My dad is a great pianist and I grew up playing his baby grand. I have been learning more songs and getting used to reading music again. Stuff came out of me that is the direct result of my sobriety. My guitar playing will progress as soon as I get out of school.

Keep up the good work! It is only going to get better!

Ladyshipwreck

Thanks so much for sharing!
I have been looking a lot into brain recovery after becoming sober, just today actually! I always feel kinda "dumb" but it just recently occurred to me that maybe alcohol has had something to do with that and maybe I'm not as dumb as I think. Maybe I should say I feel like I'm not as smart as I should be and my train of thought is off the rails a lot of the time.
I feel like I was meant to see this post because I seriously have been googling brain function and alcohol today.
I also play piano and guitar, draw, and I really want to get back into it. You really inspired and motivated me.
Thank you!

I'm sorry you were feeling lost today. Hopefully it was just a funk and you feel better tomorrow!

SoberCAH

Glad to hear that you are able to restart using your musical talent.

I think that our brains progress fairly nicely when we quit introducing pathological amounts of toxins to our central nervous systems.

Mountainmanbob

I changed a lot once sobering up. Hasn't always been easy. We need to cling to what we have and be happy with those blessings. That is cool that you are enjoying your music again. Don't take that for granted. I think that it shows that your mind and body are still repairing. For some the days of rebirth are long gone.

A nice sober day wished for you,
M-Bob

augustine1

Give it time, for sure. I'm a guitar player. I can't play at all now, but all my friends who are addicts who are years into sobriety tell me to give it time.

BullDog777

i made my career as an illustrator and painter and i can tell you that during this last 4 year bender i did almost nothing.

While i was in the hospital, i had an mri to check for brain damage. The drs told me as bad as i was in my alcoholism that my noggin was essentially intact even through i had a history of withdrawal seizures.

So what happens to me when i get clean is i tend to dive back into my passion. Going back to my art, it was terribly frustrating. I feel like i had lost a lot.

It took me months to regain the muscle memory i once had and to be able to illustrate that way i once could. I had to relearn some stuff. Even some basics.

It did come back though.

We didn't get sick over night, we won't get well over night.

If there was one thing i could give you it would be the patience to endure. I was always told, "you can't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens" For me, by and large that has proven to be true.

I'm almost 9 months in and i'm still shaking rust out. It's gonna take awhile, but if i want to, i could do it all for a living once again. As long as i stay clean.

btw...i sleep A LOT too. some weeks, it's sporadic though. I'll go 1-3 days with 2-3 hours a night and then for like 4 days in a row i'll sleep 10-12 hours a night. I try not to worry about it though. I just try to listen to my body and rest when i need to rest.

One of the last things to come back to me has been my ability to write. I can articulate a story, but grammatically, it's awful. Thankfully, my wife was a professional writer for many years and she helps me when i start writing like a cave man.

Everything you're talking about, we go through. Being grumpy even as an even tempered person, sleep issues, feelings, all that scary stuff. it's all part of the process.

I was taught a check list to go down if i felt out of sorts.
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired.

that's the famous "HALT". My list is a little bigger because i'm diabetic, but you get the idea.

thanks for your post!

paulokes

The brain does change indeed...in recovery also.

There is some fascinating research out there on the physical/neurophysiological changes that take place in people who stay sober, engage in active recovery plans and just act in different ways, day after day...the brain rewires, connections are made, neurons find new ways to get from one piece of grey matter to another.

Even long term conditions like korsakoffs are not considered to be irreversible today...with the right treatment, who knows what's possible?

Enjoy those keyboards...sounds like a great hobby to throw yourself back into

P